Past and Present

I've disappeared for quite some time now, that much I know. Perhaps it was by design. I've returned to my homeland, Malaysia. My heart's conflicted, having spent a considerable time in the UK I find myself now abit of a stranger in my own land, my own home. Things have changed, people, circumstances, places. I'd have to find myself again here having grown accustomed to my lifestyle in distant shores.

The first thing I gave up was a degree of my freedom. Being your typical Asian youth I still stay with my parents, a great source of shame in the West by this time period I reckon. I had to readjust to the fact that I couldn't quite have myself reliable public transport or take casual strolls around from point to point considering how unfriendly the roads in this country are to pedestrians in general.

My life has been a series of ups and downs since I've returned. On some matters I've truly been blessed, and where I've fallen in other matters I've chosen to see it as a test, and a series of lessons needed for me to appreciate the challenges life has in store for me. If everything came easy I would surely take far too many things for granted.

This year has been flying by at a pace so rapid I am beginning to feel a sense of mortality creeping down my spine. It's nearly ended in a blink of an eye and it truly seemed like just yesterday I was watching fireworks in London with some close friends, holding her in my arms as we waded through hostile rowdy crowds.

2013 has been mostly a year of reflection, of great inner turmoil and eventual closing of chapters and repentance. I met a variety of characters from my past, the boys that meant the most to me and made the greatest impacts. I bade them farewell truly one by one. Even the ex who had haunted my dreams and seared so deeply a wound within my unbound heart has made peace with me and I him. It's almost surreal as 2013 marks the closing chapters of my summer 2011 romances, the summer of my life.

So as I put away the fading memories and lost dreams of the soon to be yesteryear, I look forward to the oncoming new year with a sense of renewed purpose and hope. Truly have I fallen in some ways, failing to achieve a number of crucial goals but on the bright side, other opportunities have knocked my way. Opportunities that come only once in a lifetime, some of which a great many people would never ever get. It is then that I realised in this mixed bag of good and ill that was 2013 I had truly been granted a journey most blessed in its nature.

Verily, I know now the path that lies before me. Despite the disappointments and repeated heart aches I stand now a little stronger, a little wiser and at peace with myself to a certain degree more than I ever was the year through. I am sorry for my failures mom and dad, for truly I mean only to bring pride and glory to our house. But though I may stumble and fall, in time I truly believe I will join my peers in the sun. In time I will bring justice to those that deserve it. This much I vow, and so help me "god" that much shall I strive towards. And may it some day come about.

To the future, come what may.

When Men Change

Contrary to the title, changing here does not involve a change of clothes so don't expect a sexy seductive write up of those sort of matters. The title here mostly refers to a change of hearts in men. I for one am especially sensitive and alert to my men whenever they have such changes. It usually starts gradually, subtly and is usually quite obvious. Then they abruptly become quite different from before.

It usually is quite obvious when you're no longer their prime target. The messages dull, the kisses stop, the effort becomes incrementally less. And yet some hold on, putting in the minimal bare bones of effort to string you along for the ride as their insurance while they date around and test drive other prospective targets thinking you'll always stay for them. Taking you for granted. Thinking they can deceive through lies involving great amounts of work or other assorted excuses of being tired and what have you.

And then of course their "friends" become more and more important. Which friend? Hell that's a mystery to all. Random bits of tea time and fancy meals and even fancier places begin to appear in their social media. They make sly implied assertions as to who they are with. They tweet their betrayals without realising their silent audience and those they've left behind. Male ego, their ultimate downfall. Their belief in their inability to ever fall. Ever thinking themselves the master manipulators.

Then of course there are those fools that misuse the word love. Oh so very many of them. In the height of their passions they throw the word so casually as if to bind you under their feeble spell. But a man of my experience knows all too well half of these naive children or manipulative men use it as part of their game of knives and daggers meaning so little for using so loaded a word. Appalling. Such is the death of love I'd say.

Without trust, there is no foundation for any relationship. There is only constant suspicion and worry. I think I've come to the point in my life where I crave something more anchored, less temporal like the random screws with the slags and the skanks of the circle. But it's a shame really, you have all these lost boys with their commitment issues and their second heads doing all the thinking for them still, never realising what they have or had all along. I'm tired. I'm cynical. My optimism dims bit by bit.

If he lies to me again, its over and I leave. A lie of omission is still a lie, dishonestly made no matter how one may justify it as a half truth to begin with. I'm unimpressed. You look set to be another disappointment in a list of disappointments. Just another abuser of the L word, so casually thrown. I knew I shouldn't have let you in. We'll see who stays soon, and who goes, you or I.

Reunion With The Dead

How do you react upon seeing someone who was once the love of your life reappear in your life after a full year? There was a great deal of mixed feelings and awkward moments but he eventually opened up to me. I tried to avoid the topic of relationships because the past should remain the past but you know it would eventually come to it. He still wouldn't tell me the reasons he left but at least we're talking. I guess that's more than enough for me. At least we're sorta friends again, if only marginally. And yes his boyfriend is deleting and blocking me from every chat network left in the system so fuck him.

When it came time to say good bye the old tears that I'd held back so long welled up. He hugged me, told me not to be sad anymore. How could I not, a part of me cared for him still. He was my first love after all, and here was London, the city we'd loved in and made our hopes and dreams in.

Apparently we're partying together tomorrow. I'm not sure it's a good thing. I've drank too much tonight already and my typing is becoming a tad shit but I'm trying my level best to type in a sane competent manner. I shouldn't have drunk this much, its making me miss him more than I need to and more than he deserves. Fuck I miss him. Tonight just confirms it.

I hope we don't end up fucking though. I can't take this level of emotional crazy. I'm sorta taken after all, I need to cut my links with the past but here I am in London with the ex doing the stupid shit I only dreamed off when we broke up a year ago. So help me, we shall not fuck because it'd complicate things. Please. Please.

I love you still.

Update: Nah actually I don't. Must stop writing drunken posts.

Bi-Phobic Gay Guys

So I was scrolling through a number of gay blogs around cyber space when I stumbled upon this really cute and sweet looking Singaporean gay couple. So I went about reading through their entries feeling all "diabetical" from the severe amounts of sweetness until I came across an entry of theirs. It was hate filled and generalised in its nature.

Yes folks its a bi bashing entry.

Believe me, I take enough shit from the straight community as it is sometimes. But then having all these petty, bitchy, dainty, dramatic fairies talking smack about bi lads being unreliable, hedonistic serial heart breakers in the most generalised of fashions make me roll my eyes a little and go "well fuck you too mate".

Now really, I'm aware there are plenty of dicks that are among bi guys. Hell there are plenty of douchebags and losers in both straight and gay circles too. So how dare you lot seek to associate and tar brush an entire sexual orientation based on your personal over dramatized experiences. You ought to be ashamed of yourselves really. I actually have gay friends that bitch about me to their other gay friends warning them about me being bi and therefore being unreliable for any long term happiness. Oh fuck you lot really, that's next level two faced behaviour there. News always travels and I will come to know of it whether you realise it or not.

Then there's the other bullshit attitude of "bi erasure". The attitude that bi people don't and cannot actually exist. Again these wankers think that just because they were born liking boys or girls exclusively, everyone must therefore line up in their neat little ideas of reality and subscribe to only their perception of what humans are attracted to. The height of arrogance and ignorance I should say.

Oh you're just confused. 
You're just gay in denial.
 I don't believe in bi people. 
You'll become gay eventually.

How about no. No, no, no. I like how you lot deny my attraction to females as me being confused or in denial. It implies that I am incapable of making cogent decisions and am impaired in my faculties. I'm perfectly aware of myself thank you.

In a world where there is enough hate towards gay and transgendered people, I don't need pink bigots telling me how to live my life or calling my set of attractions wrong or belittling my sexual identity. You expect the straight world not to judge you and yet you lot judge a subset of your very own LGBT community. That is not to say all gay people do this obviously. Just a far too sizeable proportion of them, unfortunately. Stupid has no boundaries I guess, across borders, nations and sexual identities.

PS: If any of you terasa, tersinggung or perasan its quite possible that you are guilty by association. 

Omega

My spirit is sapped, exams have been ongoing for most of the month and I'm exhausted. Think I may have made a fatal flaw and doomed a client. If after all my efforts I still don't make it in this field then well, I guess it was not meant to be. All the prestige and time and money spent here can be conveniently flushed down the toilet although I reckon the tangible skills I've gained here will invariably prove useful.

Lady Gaga is coming to perform songs from her new album just down the road from where I live. I have an exam the following day so fuck me seriously. I have wanted to catch Mother Monster since last year when I was bugging my ex to take me to her damned concert in London. Looks like she and I are just not meant to be. I guess I'll just have to catch her in Singapore some time then seeing as Malaysia has its knickers in a bundle perpetually when it comes to her or indeed anything homosexual related.

Lately I've been watching a set of disturbing videos as well. The prime video of concern is called "The Road to World War 3" and it's talking about how recent events are slowly leading towards those events. Normally I'd brush off people like these as fringe nuts but when you consider all his theories and explanations it starts to make frightening sense. For instance, the maker of the video talks about how Iran is being targeted by the Western powers due to it trying to break free from the US dollar's grip over petrol prices. So what happens is the West then proceeds to destabilize Syria and will attempt to try to get into Syria to involve Iran. What's scary is the video was made in September 2012. Now nearly a year later the British Parliament is debating whether to launch a war in Syria and the USA is already gleefully announcing their intention to get involved.

Oh and China and Russia are standing by Iran on strong terms. An attack on Syria and Iran could be the flashpoint of Armageddon as we know it. In a secular sense of course because I'm obviously anything but religious. But the implications are horrifying and it scares me just to think of it. Check out the video below.

And if you'd all rather care about Milley Cyrus being a skank then well, good on you. The sad reality is people are easy to manipulate and control because they care far too little about world affairs. In light of all this global politics, Malaysian politics suddenly seems so very small and insignificant. Truly, I am ever slightly worried. 

Outed to the Family

I have just recently gotten back from a short trip around Europe with the family. They paid me a visit here in London you see and we decided to all have a merry adventure for a change after being separated for so long. It was in this interim period during their stay in London that my sexuality became known to them. I guess it wasn't too wise of me to make phone calls to a boy at night continuously for multiple nights in a row but suffice to say, they know.

Oddly enough my dad is rather alright with it. He was far more calm and accepting about the news than I'd have thought. Mother on the other hand went into abject silence and wasn't taking it too well. I could sense the disappointment and guilt and sadness emanating from her. Think she questioned whether sending me overseas was the right thing to do after all. Odd, I was always under the impression of my mom being the chilled one and my dad being the anti gay. Funny how the reality of the matter is.

All things considered I think they're taking it relatively well. Told them about my past love and how I lost it. Emphasized to them I still liked girls and that seems to have relieved my mom a whole ton and she has since began to talk a whole lot more about girls to me. I think she's trying to go into denial about the other side of me and just hope I get a girlfriend soon. The Korean girl that I met in a gay club and introduced to my parents a couple of weeks ago is currently the constant subject that they focus on. She got along well with my mom so I guess that's a good sign but I'm just not entirely feeling it with her.

Life probably won't quite be the same again. They will probably be suspicious of every male friend I bring over home for a sleepover or what not from now onwards. They'll probably scrutinise my every interaction with my male friends for signs of excessive affection too. I guess they'll just have to live with the reality of who I am. Ultimately, I am still their son and they are still my parents. Our love for each other doesn't change because of my preferences and it shouldn't. Maybe in time it will only make us closer.

I am who I am. Bisexual and proud.

Topping

When I was younger, I always saw myself in an exclusively bottom/submissive position in a relationship or in sexual trysts and liaisons. The men in my life tended to reflect this general disposition of mine. Over the years though I discovered the other side of me, the ability to actually put my male tools to proper use for a change. It comes to no surprise that I have grown pretty fond of the alternative acts, but it does come with a slight problem. Premature explosions.

Now really I'm all up for dandy good times and rolling in the hay but whenever I reach Cloud 9 within a few minutes of insertion it always eats at my ego and is usually an embarrassing experience for both parties. Granted that my usual top sessions are relatively few and far between when I haven't had myself some action in some time, it may be fair to take those factors into consideration with my inability to cope with the heat and pleasure.

That is not to say I haven't occasionally found myself going beyond my usual median threshold but suffice to say it'd be good if I could perform without apprehensions and constantly having to worry about early fireworks. I reckon it's usually when I've exhausted my earlier reserves that I find myself performing relatively longer although if that is a prerequisite to every bout in bed that is rather sad really.

I reckon what I need is a relatively consistent bottom partner to train myself on a perpetual basis to hone my skills and tolerance so that the next time I engage in the acts of pleasure giving (as opposed to constantly being on the receiving end) I can at least perform to the level of a competent male. Because fuck me, I'm in my 20s. Time to buck up.

After experiencing the best of both worlds I have to say being the assertive partner in sexual encounters can be quite a challenge seeing as you carry the weight of the whole experience and contribute to the overall rhythm of the act. Although on a plus point the mess is far less contentious to deal with and you don't have to worry about any serious sores the day after.

If anyone has some tips and pointers to share on how to improve in being a top I'm all ears. Male ego cast aside and all that jazz. Shoot away lads. Figuratively speaking of course.

Alvin and Vivian Ramadhan Controversy

Recently the controversial duet Alvivi (of NUS sex video fame) posted a picture up on the consumption of a famous pork based soup dish in mockery of the breaking of fast for the month of Ramadhan. This has obviously led to alot of upset feelings amongst the Malay/Muslim community of Malaysia due to the obvious mockery of their religion and customs (pork is banned from consumption by Muslims if you have been living under a rock).

Naturally with race relations being so rocky after the election, their series of actions have led to an inevitable firestorm of sentiment and anger. And naturally our government and politicians are rattling their sabres and knives screaming for the blood of these two now, demanding the most serious of legal actions be taken against them.

Today they have finally posted an apology video:



 Now the thing about this Alvivi couple is that I generally find myself in support of most of their previous actions as questionable morally as it may be. When they argued for liberal values of having the right to showcase to all and sundry their sexual prowess and to discuss frankly and openly sexuality without fear I was genuinely on their side. I have even read most of Alvin's postings and write ups both legal and political and found myself sharing his point of view more often than not. He was after all a law student at the National University of Singapore at one point, and his rebellious streak and decision to stand by his unorthodox principles no matter the cost made me respect him, albeit subtly and discretely.

And then he goes full retard mode with this latest posting and I find myself slamming my face into my desk. Really now, if his idea is to play agent provocateur, he should have been smarter about it and should have seriously reconsidered his target parody hit. No really, for someone that has spent a fair deal of his life time growing up in Malaysia is he really so ignorant and stupid to not be aware of Muslim sensitivities and the level of backlash he and Vivian would receive?

Further, knowing him and his views, it is more likely than not that he intended to make a particular stand on purpose before back tracking from the legal forces that are about to come down hard upon him. His blatant disregard for the potential melt down in ethnic relations is downright irresponsible and idiotic and thank fuck he (apparently) recognises this too from his new pseudo-apology video. If this picture becomes the catalyst for any rise in violence or further degeneration of our Malaysian society along racial lines any collateral damage that results from his incompetent actions will lie squarely on his shoulders. I target Alvin here because he is clearly the brains of all operations and ideas while Vivian tends to be his convenient female accessory. The woman is barely competent in her grasp of the English language let alone the intricacies of political matters.

Oh Alvin, you've really outdone yourself this time. Stick to sexually liberating matters and keep your fingers out of religious politics before you get yourselves killed. Don't become like that other asshole Namewee which all the dipshit Chinese Nationalists in Malaysia seem to have such a hard on for. Yes, I dislike Namewee with a passion. Sod off if he's your messiah. And yes I'm Chinese but I think he's another vulgar twathead that is bereft of talent or class. I'm aware of the hypocrisy here with regards to vulgarity. Sue me.

London Pride

This post is way overdue but just a weekend or two ago London had it's Pride Day with the expected Pride Parades. Coming from conservative Malaysia, it comes to no surprise that I've had no experience whatsoever with regards to fashionable and fabulous events of such colour and so I got myself there as a curious observer. Naturally.

I'll say, London is pretty gay. Gayer than I had initially given it credit for. Soho (Gayville) in London was teeming with a ridiculous number of people and I think that segment of the city became a third world nation for awhile with all the bottles and trash littering the streets. Come on Britain, you're supposed to be a First World nation. Don't be daft and forget your civic lessons from school, Lord Almighty.

The Parade itself was rather interesting with a variety of colours and causes both political and religious being advanced. So we had the Gay athiests, Hindu, Christian, Catholics, environmentalist, geek, communist, lawyers, doctors, firemen, army yadda yadda associations all coming out of the woodwork and giving us a damn good display on the streets of Oxford Circus, down Regent's Street all the way towards Picadilly and finally stopping at Trafalgar Square for the Grand Concert.

  

Above all the association that impressed me most was the LGBT Muslim association. When they came out, the crowd cheered louder than ever. Instinctively I cheered pretty damn loud myself before even realising it. In a way I was just happy seeing my fellow Muslims having a voice of tolerance and trying to initiate a renaissance of acceptance, and even though it would be a long long arduous road ahead fraught with dangers and challenges, these brave men and women led the charge. Almost brought me to tears to be honest.

  

 Very courageous

There was also the LGBT lawyers marching around in their fancy wigs and robes. The Bar Standards Board must be indulging in much wailing, groaning and gnashing of teeth at the sight of the symbols of judicial might being used so fabulously. Conversely, one could say justice is being paraded for a good cause. I digress. Instinctively one of the gay lawyers stuck a gay lawyer sticker on my shoulder (I was getting all sorts of stickers put upon me even as an observer). Maybe I just have a legal vibe about me. Makes all the bitches at Heaven seem to think I'm pompous and hate on me for some reason. Oh well, no surprise when half of the idiots there are doing fine art and fashion and other assorted bullshit courses. Fuck me, digressed again.

Barrister in wig and gown hidden in the left.

One of my straight friends spontaneously decided to drop by in London on that day itself. Obviously being the closeted bisexual I did not let my true inclinations out for all and sundry and that included hiding said inclinations from him. We met up and he interestingly enough was all for attending the LGBT event in Trafalgar Square and just showing his support and tolerance as a straight man without prejudice towards the community. Even took a picture with a fabulous transsexual there. These are the types of people I want to surround myself with. Open minded, compassionate and non judgmental. I appreciate him really.

  

Crowds at Trafalgar Square

Later that day I decided to join a white friend whom used to like me quite abit to party. I got dragged into Soho and there was Black Pride for the Afro-Carribean LGBT community of London being held at one corner near a small square/park. So I joined my old admirer and his black faghag to dance with the rest of the LGBT Afro-Carribeans to soulful black music. I think I must have been the only Asian dancing in a crowd of very happy gay black men. Did I mention I kinda like blacks? Not that I've tried one and most Asians are so judgmental about that. Fuck off. Don't hate.

 

Soho being bloody crowded

Finally on the night itself one of the clubs was having the Backstreet Boys and the Wanted performing back to back after midnight. Got myself hammered with my black and white bitches and we looked like a colorful United Nations of Drunkards. The line was bloody awful because apparently the Backstreet Uncles are still popular with the faggots of London.

Waited in line for the next 2 hours or so till my high went down although at least the people in the line were interesting. Some Americans and Australians added to the fun. So we were all tossing nationality and racial jokes at each other and when it came to me nobody had shit to use against Malaysia because most people don't know jack shit about Malaysia anyway. So instead I got all kinds of racist Thai jokes thrown my way. Bugger me senseless, apparently Malaysians like to give "sucky sucky 3.50 Baht" and what not. Luckily I wasn't Thai or I would just be slightly offended.

And yes I obviously missed out on the Backstreet Boys because of the retardedly long queue although at least I got to catch the Wanted. Gotta pity the Wanted though, everyone was leaving as soon as the Backstreet Boys were done. Overall it was a good weekend. London's fun when its this gay.

 I'm glad you came. *cheeky smile*

Warning Not Work Safe: Porn Idol 2

So not too long ago I brought one of my rather inexperienced friends over to Heaven for Porn Idol night because, why the hell not. To those unaware, Porn Idol is an event at one of London's largest gay clubs whereby anyone from the audience and in general can do a dance and song striptease over a pole in front of the crowd before being judged by a panel of 3 incredibly funny (and oftentimes bitchy) judges X Factor style.

So basically I arrived there with my rather naive and innocent friend whom I was about to corrupt and bumped into more mates there because everyone loves Porn Idol. A disclaimer though, because of the open nature of the competition you can sometimes receive the very best of the sexiest beasts to the very worst of the undateables. So without further ado: Porn Idol.

Note: The less attractive contestants have been eliminated from this list as when I mean they are bad, they really are bad. According to one female judge: "I don't know whether to shag or feed you honey, you look more brittle than my personal China Tea set."

 Contestant 1 blazes out his moves and according to one of the female judges: "You make my fanny wetter than the Titanic, I'd shag you rough over the stage itself honey" Definitely a show stopper with his application of body oil all over himself.

 Contestant 3 is the only female in the competition and the first one I've ever seen in Porn Idol. Very likely a Butch Lesbian but she's on fucking fire and wilder than a bitch in heat. Security had to control her a few times and the bitchy judges were less than impressed by her despite jaw dropping dance moves. And yes she shows her fanny.

 Contestant 4 is a Californian boy that has a similar enough bone structure to mine with more meat on of course so I naturally felt attached. Not too bad.

 Contestant 5 comes in with a full suit, bowtie and top hat before ripping them all off and getting down and dirty with the pole. Overall I preferred him with his clothes on though.

 Contestant 6 was an Italian guy that spoke no English so he just went all out for it. Unfortunately he could not understand any comments the judges made no matter how snide.

 Contestant 9 was a tourist from one of those Scandinavian countries and I thought he had a certain charm about him with his sporting attitude on stage. Thought he was somewhat hot but I didn't get a clear picture. Fail.

Thereafter all the contestants are lined up and the screams from the audience for each of them would be counted as a vote to preserve the final two whom would then give a final performance.

 Guy with the awkward thumbs up was apparently a legal provider. Friends were giving me funny looks and asking if that's what happens in the profession. Fuck me, that was awkward. Wonder what the Bar Standards Board would think.

And so the finals ended being between the lesbian contestant 3 and Mr hot shot contestant 1. They both showed us some crazy moves although the woman was bloody mental. They kept leaping unto each other in a mock fight before security tore them apart a couple of times. Was pretty damn funny I'd say.

So the final bunch of screams seemed to indicate just slightly stronger support for the woman although being a gay club and all the judges were fucking biased against her it wasn't even funny. So guess who won? Duh. The dude, oh well, gay club. Hah!

And ironically that night I spent quite a fair deal dancing with some Korean chick in the same club before taking down her number during the "Call me Maybe" segment. This is getting odd, me dancing with random chicks in Heaven before taking down their numbers and never calling anyway. Oh well, I like my stranger routine I guess. Weird that way. It's interesting how comfortable girls are to just dancing with you freely when they think you're gay, until I correct them otherwise and they go "No wonder." Ah well, bisexuality. Best of both worlds.

Just One of Those Nights

It's one of those nights that I look back and reflect on life and we're we've arrived at and what we've become. You're in Paris now, it brings back so many memories that city. Last year around this time I was there but you were having your finals in Edinburgh. I remember me spending my French nights calling you on Viber, gushing and giggling like a little school girl. You were so nervous about potentially failing an exam in front of the medical board.

I remember that year I walked up to the Eiffel Tower and looked down upon the city. I saw the sun set upon the beautiful French horizon and wished then that you could see it with me. What a view it was. Fast forward a year later, you're viewing that same horizon but without me now. I wonder, do I cross your mind and haunt your thoughts with dreams of yesteryear?

I saw your Jack'd profile of course. I always knew it was you despite your lack of pictures. My gut feeling just led me to it and to you. You don't spend nearly 300 days talking day in and out with someone without their little quirks or habits registering with you. The subtleties of their writing styles and little unsaid attitudes.

It's interesting, I've spent all of May and the greater whole of June not thinking of you. But like all dead people, we occasionally reminisce about them. I hate you, I love you simultaneously. I reckon its a mental illness I'll carry with me to the end of my days.

I think after all my antics I've burned any hope of reconciliation by now. We'd probably never talk again in the near future or ever. But these dreams, these pictures and final moments. Everything from the sensual, the emotional, the sexual, it will haunt us from now till the hereafter.

Like that final menage-a-trois, or that final meal, or that final kiss. I still feel it in my bones, and quiver from time to time.

I hate to say it, but I'll always love you. Even when I hate you. And even when you hate me. The Lord told me once to not fight hatred with hate after all. That's the least I can do before I lost myself and you.

Little Gay Happenings

Last week I had myself a small gay trip with one of my gay besties JK down south in Brighton. We had become acquainted through Jack'd over the last summer and considering he was headed home for Malaysia soon and I'd be stuck here till September or so, I probably wouldn't be seeing him again for over a year as by the time I would leave UK for good he'd be returning for his following year to continue his degree. As such it would do us both good to have a nice little gay bonding time.

So it came to no surprise that we chose Brighton, the supposed gay capital of Europe. For a change the sun was up in UK (bloody shocker I know) and the beaches were thriving with a ton of barely clothed (sometimes unclothed) people having some fun in the sun. Hell the entire city was full of shirtless people just casually walking around basking in the sun. Not me though, I'm still on the shyer side with toplessness, shall probably need a couple more months of intensive work out regiments and I shall be good to go. Relatively comfortable with my body where play in bed is concerned though heh. JK on the other hand was pretty gym fit so I wouldn't be surprised if he were dying to tear off that shirt of his half the time.

We booked ourselves a backpackers dorm crammed with 15 other people. It looked like a morgue but we were having ourselves a fabulous holiday as opposed to a posh one after all.

Hide the bodies

Suffice to say, it was an interesting laid back town that we could just chill and lay back in whilst checking all the hot bods around. I'm not exactly the biggest fan of Westerners but JK was quite the massive potato queen so I guess he had himself eye candy by the truckloads. And yes that's why we aren't dating despite being pretty close friends. He likes his men blonde and blue eyed, older, rugged and pretty meaty. I think I'm just a tad bit leaning on the pretty boy side. No surprise I get myself a proper 9 foot hole in the friend zone cemetery then heh.

They had this interesting pier that stretched out into the sea with a fun fair at the very end. We got conned into eating the shitty pricey versions of the Fish and Chips we so desperately craved although we had ourselves multiple grand meals thereafter to compensate for that.

 So this must be where Melbourne got its inspiration from

This restaurant is modeled after a classical opera house

 Tourist adventures take you through a maze of small little lanes where you can find all sorts of curios and food outlets in unique hidden settings.

By now everyone is probably wondering where are all the pictures of the hot guys all over the beach are. It is my unfortunate duty to inform you that no such pictures are available as my traveling buddy decided to capture pictures of that variety instead.

Of course we had to try the night scene in the supposed Gay capital as well. First night proved to be a massive disappointment because apparently everything is dead on Wednesdays. The second night had JK calling his Brighton friend to show us around though and it turned out the friend was a legal lecturer at Manchester Uni once. Things got a tad awkward when I found out he was friends with my many educators back in the good old undergraduate days. Bugger me senseless, imagine dancing in clubs with your professors. That has to be next level unprofessional conduct right there!

Suffice to say, I'm always happy to receive free drinks till I sway a tad and start intimately dancing with random lesbians. There was a foam party going on at the club I was in and I never realised how irritating or disgusting foam could be to be honest. It's all sticky and soapy and unless all the hot boys start stripping and grinding their soapy bodies against each other (and me) it ain't exactly a fun experience to have detergent shot at your face continuously from an air cannon. I'm such a fussy bitch aren't I?

Covered lightly in foam before the next wave

Suffice to say I had a great deal of fun partying and traveling with JK. Reminds me of our first party at Marketplace back in August 2012. I reckon I'll miss him when he leaves and whilst we might not be lovers I've grown to appreciate proper platonic gay friendships that matter.

Upon returning to London, I had my last few meet ups with JY (Singaporean from last post). It was kind of sad that he was leaving for the summer and we would not see each other again for the longest time as once again by the time he'd be back, I'd have left this city for good. So we had a nice slow night with dinner and drinks, basking in the city lights. We met his friends (and some guy competing with me for him) and proceeded for a final party before he left for good. Can I just say this world is too damn small and his friends are people whom are friends or exes of people I'm kind of close to? Jesus, this circle.

That last night, we took a bus ride home after the party. He had a flight come the dawn and this was us saying our final farewells. He had a book launch back in Singapore soon, it contained poems relating to his sexuality, his parents were sure to question him. He mentioned perhaps some day I might be a part of his poetry too, stories of our brief summer in London. Maybe I'll send him poetry of my own too, let a professional objectively critique my work. I walked him to his doorstep, we hugged and I was just about to leave when I turned.

And landed a soft kiss to his lips. It was soft, tender and sweet unlike my usual lusty trysts or fickle flames. We parted, and then he was gone. The kiss lingered, and before long I was home with a smile. Parting ever was bittersweet. Maybe some day I'll see you again.

Asian Smile

I mentioned some time back I was stalking this Singaporean dude that wrote award winning poetry whilst publishing his second book recently in a post awhile back. Lets call him JY. Well as fate would have it, I'm now seeing him quite a bit. I was a tad apprehensive going for lawyers again especially after the disaster some time back in 2011 when the relation just degenerated into a lot of unnecessary arguments and ego trips so I was a tad apprehensive getting involved in another cluster fuck of arguments. But we get along thus far and that's what counts, here's me crossing my fingers.

Now that isn't the point of this post. The point of this post was what happened last night. So I dragged him out with me to meet up a number of my other gay mates in our usual favourite bars and clubs on a Saturday night. We were holding hands quite abit as the place was dark and crowded as fuck so I did not plan on losing him. That was when an asshole whom I shall refer to as the Creeper showed up.

Now the Creeper was a middle aged white male whom ambushed me from the side and whispered into my ear after giving me the creepiest pedo smile.

"What's your name?" he breathed far too close for comfort. I gave him a fake smile which should translate into fuck off before dragging JY and myself into the crowd to get away from him.

So after dancing for a bit we came to the realisation that we were too sober to properly enjoy ourselves, so off to the bar we went.

We were all at the bar then when JY asked me to take a peek behind. The Creeper was there, staring and smiling at me just a couple of lines away in the crowd at the bar. Shit.

So we casually went about our way fighting through the crowd at the bar and waiting for the slow service to get moving (British bars are ridiculously crowded with people shoving and pushing to get some drinks served, darn alcoholics). It was then that I felt a tingling in my neck before feeling a hot breath behind me. I turned again.

The Creeper was now directly behind me, breathing down my neck with the most fucking creepy smile ever.

Suddenly he was up at the bar and caressing my arse. Felt a tad violated but said nothing. A friend then passed me a random balloon which I put at my arse to prevent any further violations of my modesty. The twat obviously cared not about my discomfort, simply swatting the balloon away and reaching to to lightly caress my behinds again. Obviously I was getting pissed, and told JY that I was going to punch him in the face but JY being a lawyer as well went through the whole actual bodily harm/common assault discussion with me (we do that) and I certainly wasn't going to start an incident that would get me thrown out of the bar so I ignored it again.

After disappearing into the crowd and having a good time for an hour or so, I decided it was time for yet another round of drinks. So whilst at the bar guess who pops up again? Yes, the mother fucking Creeper.

This time he goes for a more direct approach.

"Hi, I like you. I'm from Spain, what's your name?"

I ignore him and smile whilst rolling my eyes.

"I LIKE YOU! What do you study? Where do you stay?"

Smile again, and ignore.

"Why you so shy? You so shy! I like you!!" I was getting so fucking annoyed I nearly told him to fuck off but oh well Asian manners dictate we don't let our level of dislikes be known. So I politely replied:

"I'm taken, that's my boyfriend," whilst pointing to JY.

"I like you, come with me, I like you. Why you so shy?"

"I told you, I'm in a relationship and I'm not interested." Fuck me, is this guy daft in the head?

Finally after realising that despite my rapidly disappearing smiles, I was growing increasingly cold and so he apologized and finally fucked off. God, these Westerners can be so clueless with Asian body language in that when we "smile" it doesn't necessarily mean we're smiling in a good way. It can be sarcastic or just us being polite. I'm not "shy", I'm beyond annoyed but politely asking you to get out of my face. And I don't talk to Middle aged men in clubs because if you're that age and still soliciting young Asian boys in clubs and bars I don't really have very much respect for you to be honest. By that age I'd probably be getting boys to come to me instead already rather than lurking in dark corners like a desperate creep.

The rest of the night went really well in our little Asian circle of Koreans, Hong Kongers, Singaporeans and British Asians. It might sound rather racist but I like my oriental boys, oh well. Preference really, no offense. I have my fair share of white friends too. The last I saw of the Creeper, he was making out with another Malaysian boy in my group before they both disappeared for the night. Grossed me out, but at least he was no longer pursuing me and at least I had a cutie to dance with till the morning light. <3

Western Etiquette (in Bed)

If there's one thing I've noticed, the natives here conduct their bed side manners in quite a different way from what I'm used to with Asians. For starters, there seems to be more inherent aggression. There always seems to be less foreplay and a more direct approach for genital stimulation. There also seems to be a lack of nipple stimulation where they are concerned.

Asians in bed generally tend to be subtler I find, they have an ebb and flow to their actions like a dance. There's that slight bit of holding back and giving in and pulling back or so I find. There's a more measured pace with a focus on the journey rather than the destination. Westerners however can't seem to wait to get your pants off and down themselves on your dick.

And then there's the bed side smack talk. There's alot of trash talk whilst Asians tend to stick more to moans and whimpers. Now British born Asians, they do all the above things the westerners seem to do in bed though. I find it a rather interesting observation, although I do find them a tad rough sometimes. There's also an element of domination weaved into the bed play, a relic of an imperialistic world view perhaps? (I kid you sensitive fuckers)

Either way, it's no surprise why I like my (authentic) Asian boys over the locals here, Asian or otherwise. Did I mention they taste different from us? Smell somewhat different too? Too much info? Not being racist, just a mere observation and a matter of preference really. Then again, I was never one to endorse generalizations and as such maybe this should be read unto my experiences as it is.

Identity Theft Mystery

I had some drama recently, and not of my own making really. It left me slightly disturbed and somewhat changed in my perception of things.

It began over the course of this weekend when I noticed a familiar face over Jack'd. It was an acquaintance of mine whom was a friend of my ex's. The problem however was that the real person was based in Singapore at the present time and I messaged him about it. We were both puzzled as to what this account was about and what this would mean.

The very next day on Sunday I received a message from the doppelganger. I did not know exactly how to react, knowing it was a fake account and so I ignored the message. A couple of hours later the clone sent another text asking me why I wasn't replying whilst revealing some very intimate secret details that only me and my ex knew of. That immediately made me suspicious, could the ex be trying to contact me again? What on earth was his motives? And why impersonate a friend suddenly.

He asked me if I missed him. Truth of the matter is I did, all the time. He asked me for a meet up at a gay bar in Soho. I was curious to get to the bottom of this mystery and so I agreed and hurried along. Funnily enough he told me he was wearing a dark blue shirt and a brown leather jacket. I checked what I was wearing. Dark blue shirt and brown leather jacket. That sent a chill down my spine and I began looking around. Could this silent stalker/clone/possible ex be spying on me from a distance?

I arrived at the club. I hid in a corner and asked where he was. He mentioned he was at the entrance. I walked there and saw no sign of the ex so I repeated my query again and stepped out to the street.

All of a sudden a random middle aged white male approaches me and asks if I am "Lin Lin" (the name the clone used on Jack'd). The weight of what was going on began dawning upon me. The white male showed me his phone. The clone was messaging him asking for a meet up before using my photos.....and revealing my true name. He claimed that was his true face. It was at this point I had an odd mixture of emotions ranging from fear, anger to outright sadness.

It appeared we were all set up, and I was the butt of the joke. The clone then began using my pictures on Jack'd instead. I asked him what he wanted, why he was doing such things. His only reply:

Because you're a bad person don't you know?

I ranted, I raged at what I thought might be my ex. He just called me delusional. Finally all I could say was this:

At least I never broke your heart the way you did mine.

And thereafter stopped replying. I removed all pictures. I faded away. The only vestige on my profile being "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, karma will hurt." He removed my face. No messages came in ever since.

If it is indeed my ex, I wonder why would he do this now? If it is indeed him (and most likely based on all the facts) perhaps he's trying to make me hate him so I won't think of him any further? The last form of interaction I had with him was a small email earlier in the month wishing him a happy birthday. If this is his method to make me fuck off he's doing a very good job. I once thought a part of me would love him forever. I think that part just died. I've never been so humiliated or ill treated by anyone for the life of me.

All I can wonder is how someone whom once loved you so much, who meant so much to you and you to them can become so very cruel when everything ends. How is it that something once so beautiful and deep can morph into such pettiness and vengefulness? I may never know, but one thing I do know is that sometimes we may fall in love with the wrong person. Sometimes we may think they were the pinnacle of goodness despite all imperfections, but when the chips are down and you stand in the way of their objectives they can quickly showcase a very dark and nasty side. Such a shame, I for one would never do what he did to anyone. No one deserves this. Goodbye Dr.K, you reap what you sow. I loved you, I really did....but I just cannot anymore.

PS: Here's a scarier thought, what if the clone wasn't the ex? Who have I pissed off this time? Sigh.

Funky Buddha

Over the weekend I decided to join my colleagues for a round of straight clubbing for a change. After spending prolonged periods of time in Heaven and the gay circle this would prove to be a refreshing change and so we decided on one of the poshest avenues in Mayfair. Funky Buddha.

Now the name itself is bound to raise eyebrows but wait till you get a load of the sacrilegious den of sin we were headed to. Inside the place itself there were actually...Buddha statues around. Not sure if it was tasteless or funny but I guess it added to the ambiance of partying in a temple perhaps? Secularism gone wild hah.

I kid you not. This is a club with religious iconography.

Suffice to say, as usual partying with the posh kids they decide that having a few drinks wasn't enough. If you recall the crazy bitches I partied with the last round you can reckon what was happening next. Yes, a giant bottle of vodka worth a thousand quid (pounds). With ten of us there it would still be a hundred each and that shit burned a massive hole in my wallet. And this lads is why I don't go straight clubbing in London.

But damn was it a good experience, haven't felt this straight in ages. Went around dancing with random Hong Kong chicks after taking one too many gulps. As usual, Asian girls can't drink for shits and a number of them in our group started collapsing one after the other. Before I realised it the whole crew was mostly knocked out and I was alone in the club, half drunk myself.

And that's when I proceeded to strike random conversations with people around the club and on the streets in my dysfunctional Scouse accent. Mother would be proud. It's Mother's Day. I think I'll stick to Heaven next time. Or find different party mates at the straight clubs because damn it I don't think I can afford prolonged parties with the rich and famous here. Dad would be livid, as should I.

Blog Everyday May, Day 4: Our Finest Hour

Day 4, Saturday: Favorite quote (from a person, from a book, etc) and why you love it


People should not be afraid of their governments, governments should be afraid of their people.-V (2005)

As Malaysia heads to the polls, I wish her people all the best for a smooth election. I wish to see the people vindicated by their choice, to see the unjust brought down before the halls of justice. I wish to see a new dawn for our country free from the tyranny of fear and oppression. I wish to see an end to the extremist bigots and chauvinists whom have poisoned all that they have touched. I wish to see our country rise to its full potential to become the tiger of South East Asia, in all its glory. I wish to see a time when I no longer have to censor my politically laced opinions for fear of being cuffed and jailed. I wish above all else for those whom have suffered and died in their fight for a better tomorrow to be vindicated and their names solidified in the annals of history in a dignified fashion.

Let this be our finest hour Malaysia. Vote with you heart and soul for the heart and soul of the nation. 2008 was merely the alpha, 2013 will be the omega.

Blog Everyday May, Day 3: Discomfort

Day 3, Friday: Things that make you uncomfortable

I guess I could go into a list of things that stoke my discomfort. I reckon one in general would be ignorant people and people that deal in absolutes. I've always prided myself in my usage of ambiguous and non abrasive, pacifying, politically correct language and people that don't think before speaking or writing generally make me edgy.

Excessively religious people make me uncomfortable too as well I guess. I mean the sort that revolve their lives around their religion and forcing their dogma down everyone else's throats while telling the world they're wrong and belittling your beliefs whilst expecting to be taken seriously and respected. Such wankery I can do without.

Being lied to makes me really uncomfortable as well I'd say. Especially when it's done by someone close and dear to you and you often wonder if they think you're really that stupid and daft that you can't see through the bullshit they're crafting. It's almost an insult to your relationship as friends or lovers, if they don't want to meet say so. If they fell out of love, say so.

Then there's the creepy old men that target me in a borderline pedophilic manner. There's a classy way to tackle someone and then there's just the tactless manner in which you say hello with your not so flaccid penis. God, I wouldn't be complaining if a young fit lad did that but mate the old aren't usually the most physically appealing people now are they. Exceptions do apply of course, as always.

And I guess being shirtless in public. I'm not really apprehensive about nudity when it's time for the down and dirty but in general I'm not the biggest fan of public exhibition. It's not that I have a terrible body or anything but I'm just not that comfortable showing skin to all and sundry. Who knows, maybe once I settle on a hardcore workout regime my ego might inflate to such a point where no known shirt can hold back the wonders I may have to offer. Heaven forbid!

Those are just some that I can think off the top of my head. I guess I can take solace in the fact that they're not really unreasonable or that uncommon. Your turn.

Blog Everyday May, Day 2: The Jury System

Day 2, Thursday: Educate us on something you know alot about or are good at. Take any approach you'd like (serious and educational or funny and sarcastic)

So today I shall be a little bit academic but I shall talk about the jury system and how it would apply to the Malaysian context. Now as you may or may not know the last set of jury trials in Malaysia were held in 1993/1994 for capital punishment offences and since then they have been abolished in the Federation. What are jury trials you might be wondering?

Basically the idea behind the jury is that we are judged by our fellow peers and citizens. So 12 lay persons are summoned to court based on the electoral roll and are sworn in to be the decider of the facts of the case in criminal cases. The idea is that this would put the power of the courts in the hands of the people and be a more democratic process. The jury will only decide and listen to the facts and all legal arguments are excluded from them, with juries being called to leave the room whenever a point of law is raised by an advocate or the judge. The judge in this case has no say in whether he can declare an accused person guilty or not guilty and that power lies solely in the jury whom will vote on that matter. The judge may merely direct the proceedings and deliver the sentence and punishments based on whether guilt is established by the jury.

Now once upon a time I was a strong proponent of the jury system in Malaysia to be restored. The main issue I always felt wrong with Malaysia was how judges seemed to have far too much vested interests and always seemed to be tampered by the government of the day in Malaysia. A jury system would make it harder for a single judge to condemn defendants charged on a political basis and would allow for a stronger say within the community and Rakyat. I'm refer you to the Anwar trials as an example.

Since then, I have examined the workings of the jury system in the UK and noted some of its plus points and failings. The jury system works here in UK for a number of reasons. The first is that most citizens by and large in this country speak a unified language that is English. Contrast this with Malaysia where you have people being predominantly English, Malay, Chinese or other linguistic users which could cause problems when a case is dealt with at court. The varying levels of affinity a juror may have to a language may affect his understanding of what on earth is going on and may lead to him being unable to judge a case effectively or justly. Long story short, Malaysia is too divided on the language issue.

Secondly, generally for the most part most citizens in the UK have adopted a predominantly Western secular culture. The issue then arises where Malaysia is incredibly diverse in its cultural norms and is especially divided by religion. So suppose where there is a case involving sexual offences for instance, there may be a divide between what is acceptable behaviour amongst muslims and non muslims and what is deemed moral and immoral. You then have a jury that may be split on these issues, rendering an ineffective verdict.

Thirdly, the general education levels of the lay population in the UK still seem to be relatively high in comparison to Malaysia. Whilst we are rapidly having an urbanised and educated population, a good proportion of the country is still rather ignorant and quite frankly not entirely educated to an adequate and competent level. This may include a substantial population of the older generation as it stands as well. As such, I would wager that the common person may be unable to understand the issues at hand and deliver a verdict objectively or in an informed manner. I wouldn't trust my very freedom to a potentially uneducated crowd of highly emotive people.

Fourthly, I think one major issue amongst Asians especially back home is the presumption of immediate guilt as well. As soon as someone is captured by the police and put on trial, the public back home has a tendency of assuming that the accused is already in the wrong and have judged him as so. They would probably not give fair consideration to the defense case and may just presume from the start that the defendant is already guilty and vote based on that.

And there we have it, my basic reasons as to why a jury system is untenable in Malaysia. I could go on further but I'm not trying to write a thesis here. Feel free to dispute my findings at any time.

I Went to Prison

Okay so apart from the May daily blog challenge I reckon I'll interject with other topics and happenings of my life here and there. Bear with me and my disjointed continuity yes?

Yesterday I went to prison for the first time in my life. I've never been to a Malaysian prison before yet alone a British one, but here I was heading into the mouth of the damned as a volunteer to bring the law to their doorstep. Not martial law like Judge Dredd would but actual legal facts for educational purposes. This prison was located in the outskirts of London and I would have to take a train to get there. We were expected to be there by 9 am in the morning. Obviously I was starting to regret this as that would mean me getting up ridiculously early to get there punctually.

So I fumbled my way to the prison from central London after waking up late having failed to sleep properly the night before. I was tired and grouchy and about to give a lecture on knife crimes to inmates who would probably make a knife crime out of me. Arriving late (a terrible sin in Britain) I ran a mile from the station to the prison and met my co-volunteer there. Apparently she was another Chinese Malaysian but she had the thickest natural sounding British accent ever. Could have fooled me that's for sure. So we head down to the security reception.

So after stripping us of any electronic devices and liquids we might be carrying (not our clothes though thankfully, you sick bastards) they let us into the inner part of the prison escorted by a warden. Now I was a tad worried delivering a presentation to prisoners who might belittle my efforts but I reckoned it was time to grow a thick skin.

We then through multiple layers of security and high fenced gates before finally entering a workshop where multiple inmates were carving up wood blocks to make fuck knows what. I was hoping I wouldn't be next on the carving block. Everyone was staring at these two Asians prancing around the prison complex like a fancy tour. I wonder if some of the inmates imagined shagging me aggressively without consent. I think I should keep my weird mental notes to myself.

Thereafter we entered a small room with the words "CV workshop" plastered upon the doors. Apparently this was the reeducation room where prisoners were trained for release back into the working environment. We then introduced ourselves to the prisoners with the warden/educator beside us. I was a tad surprised because some of this men were actually pretty knowledgeable and decent to be honest. One of the inmates in particular, a Black British man sounded ridiculously intellectual, posh and articulate, so much so I began wondering if he was incarcerated here by accident.

As usual in a class room you have people that give a shit and people who don't but by far the most interactive inmate was the Black British man. Eventually he told us about how he'd originally been given bail for a speeding offence but had dodged bail and was eventually sentenced for 3 months in prison. That sounded rather harsh, but he was apparently a law abiding citizen and a responsible father before and was beyond pissed with his criminal record. It struck me then how blunt the criminal justice system could be and the repercussions it could cause to people's lives. It also changed my perception of prisoners in general, they weren't necessarily all the scum of the earth. Any one of us could have very accidentally ended up in a terrible situation like this man.

I'd say the over all session was a success and I was glad I had the opportunity and confidence to go through such a process. My co-volunteer turned out to be another politically connected individual and I proceeded to cement our relations in the event of it being useful in the future. UK just has way too many politically connected families and I consider myself lucky to have been at the heart of these networking opportunities. Some day, one day we'll all find our uses.

Blog Everyday May, Day 1: Story of my Life

I've decided to take up the online challenge to blog everyday in May:
http://storyofmylifetheblog.blogspot.co.uk/2013/04/blog-every-day-in-may-challenge.html

Day 1, Wednesday: The story of your life in 250 words or less (or one paragraph... no one will be counting your words... probably)

I've long been a proponent for justice, with dreams of grandeur to save my country. There's only so much one man can do, and yet many brave men and women of Malaysia have stood up to be counted over the years. In time perhaps, I will be one of them. I've loved both men and women in my time, I've had heartaches from both although only a man broke my heart good and proper once. I've lived here in the UK for a good 3 years now, I think I'll grow to miss my lifestyle here but I do miss home quite a fair bit too. I've played musical instruments and performed in plays and dances and had a wide variety of successes and failures in the competitions I've been a part of. Apparently I have a flair for writing and I've won some prizes in that department before, that much I can be glad for. I project an aura of confidence, but I have so many doubts and insecurities within. I've had hopes and dreams, I have them still but I've been crushed and had disappointments heaped my way. I just push on and keep a strong front still. I'd like to think I have been mostly optimistic for most of my life, spinning the negatives and failings as things I can be grateful for and seeing the light for a new dawn always. I'm searching for my soul mate still, the one who'd accept all my flaws and love me for all that I am. I've spent a life time searching for me, someday I believe I'll find you and by that very extension, me.

Michelle Yeoh Controversy

Recently Michelle Yeoh got herself into a firestorm by attending a rally in support of the ruling Coalition:

This inevitably stirred up a shit storm where a large number of vocal Malaysian citizens started cursing and swearing her over her Facebook fan page and calling her a traitor to the nation. At this stage I could only cover my face in my palm as I gazed upon one idiotic comment after another railing abuse at her.

Let me clear this from the start, I am no fan of the establishment but really Michelle Yeoh has every right as a citizen of our country to voice her opinion. It might not be a popular opinion, it might not be what you and I subscribe to but she certainly has no need to remain apolitical at all. If we are advocating democracy and freedom of association and speech then we must be prepared to swallow the bitter pill of hearing opinions that need not necessarily be in tandem with ours. If we can't accept that, then maybe we truly aren't ready for the very democracy and freedoms we are championing for.

That is not to say we can't disagree with Michelle Yeoh's stance but rather we could always put forward our disagreements in a civil and professional way without resorting to name calling and personal attacks on her character for her political beliefs. So I took a visit to her Facebook page and noticed people calling her a slut and a whore and other obscene vulgarities. Enough.

If this is the sort of level the general Malaysian public is at then this is the calibre of politicians we are going to get and the sort that we deserve. Why do you think our politicians take us for fools half the time, because if the Rakyat would rather rail and shout then these incompetent leaders would have no need to form a cogent argument when put to public scrutiny. By the looks of half of these people commenting with "cibai, traitor, witch, slut, fuck you, etc" rather than putting their disagreements in an eloquent manner, they get MP's that are a reflection of that attitude. Incompetent, incoherent and bloody stupid. Because evidently if an MP was to explain policy to an audience like this, half of them would not even begin to comprehend the matters and issues being addressed.

If anything, this showcases the failing of our education system. A large proportion of Malaysians that haven't had the luxury or means to study in an overseas environment or system have a tendency of being unable to form proper civil arguments and would rather shout and rail abuse to drown out dissent. They often times don't consider issues objectively and weigh the policies of both sides in a proper coherent manner. Both Barisan Nasional and Pakatan Rakyat are verily full of shit, the trick is finding which one is less full of shit to be honest. But the people of Malaysia are sometimes so full of biases towards either party they would rather just close their eyes and ears to any misgivings of the coalitions of their choice and scream "lalalala" at the top of their lungs.

Back to Michelle though, so what if she's campaigning for Barisan. So what if she's a public figure. I don't see Americans calling Arnold Schwarzennegar a traitor to his nation for supporting the Republican party by extension of him being an international super star. This is the same party that has brought in a number of emergency provisions into US law, fought against gay marriage and taken the US to two wars that have incurred great economical and human cost. And yet people will agree to disagree on policies, they aren't going about railing and personally attacking Arnold's character.

You wonder why Malaysia is still a Third World Nation? It's because they have a Third World mentality. Our leaders are just an extension of that Third world mentality. So really we have abit of a chicken and egg scenario, what is the cause: our incompetent population leading to incompetent leaders or our incompetent leaders driving an incompetent education policy that produces incompetent citizens? Just some food for thought. Fuckin' ell.

De-Stress Parties

So I've been having myself some long deserved parties after locking myself up for the last month or so and decided to go to Heaven for a change on Thursday. It was Porn Idol night and I'd received some recommendations to check it out for some time now so I decided to do so. Popped by G-A-Y bar in Soho for some drinks with my usual party mate, the Macau slut, and he intro-ed me to some fit Singaporean men. Bugger, this Macau friend always introduces me to the cutest lads and I have no idea where the hell he finds these boys from.

Was abit of a parasite being bottom boy all night and getting drinks thrown my way for the night. There are some perks being pampered that way heh. Some drunken Scouse lady next to us persistently flashed a boob in our direction. Had my arse squeezed by some random black chicks behind me as well. Heh, just because we're bent women suddenly feel all confident sexually harassing us. I reckon if the tables were turned the authorities would have come down hard and fast on us already. That sentence sounded wrong.

Anyway fast forward to the club and my fellow skanks decide to jump on the stage from the get go. Wasn't remotely tipsy yet but damn it, had myself dragged unto the elevated platform as well. One of the Singaporean guys I met that night was getting along relatively well with me. Apparently he quite liked the Malaysian gay scene in Marketplace as well and said that Malaysian boys were getting cuter. Heh, flattery. He's got a nice set of guns and his pecs were tempting, I took the dance.

The highlight was the Porn Idols. Basically every Thursday 8 people would volunteer to go on stage and do a dance and strip everything off. 3 judges would assess them X-Factor style and the audience would cheer and vote for who would win. If anyone from the audience were interested they could go on stage and strip as well. There was this Black American tourist that went on stage and fuck me was he hot. I'm starting to think most Americans are leaps and bounds hotter than the standard British person here. What is it about these Yanks?

The final three contestants were finally called on stage and one of them was apparently a straight boy in the army so the gays were screaming their lungs off. Then again there seemed to be a hell of alot of women that night too, all taking advantage of the free cock show they were getting. In the end though some hot German guy won and took home his 100 quid prize.

Obviously I partied on after that for abit more, had some White boys hit on me but I wasn't exactly interested. Mostly enjoyed dancing with the Singaporeans and Macau skank. Bumped into his fellow Hong Kong buddies and we all partied for abit more. I recognised one of them as a friend of the ex so we had some small talk and he tossed me some reassuring words. Nice of him.

And over the course of the night the Singaporean dude I was dancing with eventually got quite abit touchier. Not a bad kisser I'd say, 3rd on my list so far if I were to rank it. Not as sloppy as some twats I've had the misfortune of kissing. Whatever happened after you can all go figure. Think I was slightly off my rockers but I think I needed it. The night was good.

And the morning after was spent watching the shittiest Tom Cruise movie, Oblivion, with my fellow colleagues. No idea why but 2013 has been full of shit movies lately apart from Cloud Atlas of course. Can't wait for Iron Man 3 to premiere and save me from this film hell.

People That Rub Me The Wrong Way

I think I'll rant abit, like a bitch in heat because I'm feeling a tad annoyed at a variety of different people and I guess I'll just let off some steam here. There are categories of people that annoy me and test my goodwill. For instance there are some friends that will tell you they're coming for a visit and might want to meet up then decide against it because apparently you're too low on their schedule of priorities. I'm talking about people you make an attempt to keep in touch with because you'd think they're people you'd like in your life and vice versa but sometimes they don't give a shit. Friendship is a two way road and I can't be clapping the solo beat forever.

Or those that come by and say let's party or lunch/coffee only to change their minds and not reply to your texts after they do so. When you lot need me for favours I always reply and do my utmost best to help. When you people need an accommodation even at the most random hours and at the shortest notices I give you that, and then you fuckers just disappear and hang about London and don't even call. Or reply. Here's a finger.

Then there are others that just stop replying or dodge questions asked by diverting the topic. That's incredibly rude to do that multiple times in a conversation. If that even is a conversation. Or those that start conversations with you because they need your help and then trail off because you're probably not the most interesting person in their priority list. Oi, you, you and you all of you. Fuck yourselves really. One scenario I can deal with, two waltz, three whatever but if it just goes on and on with a variety of people it gets frustrating as hell.

And honestly to those of you that actually know me in real life. If you're not going to make an equal effort to keep in touch with me, or if you're only going to look to me for favours, I will disappear from your lives. I've come to the point in my life where all the useless dipshits are going to be cut off bit by bit and only the core friends matter. Really, so many of you are such disappointments. Whatever I don't give a flying tickle about it.

6 separate incidents this week. All of you are making my blood boil. Whatever.

Hard Won Freedom

So I've been spending my time reacquainting myself with a social life over the course of the weekend after some of the most disgusting exams I've had the displeasure of sitting. The regulatory body setting them definitely rained down fire and brimstone upon us and it taxed my ability to recall the obscure nitty bitty pieces of law and procedure that no sane reasonable person could hope to bring to mind in practice. These exams were wankery in that I reckon most people in practice would have referred to the guidelines and procedural rules available to them if ever they were stumped with a real life dilemma anyway.

So regardless, I attended the Malaysian Career's Fair in London for the first time this year as a non organiser. It felt good to just strut in without worrying about tables and chairs and fucking action plans or routines for a change. Just walk up to companies and toss my CV around like Santa Claus in the event I fail my course, heaven forbid of course. Saw people I fancy and people I less than fancy at the fair, because there are quite large number of Malaysian douchebags here that I'd love nothing better than to offer the finger to.

Had myself an interview with a company there and they tossed me a number of on the spot legal scenarios that put my critical thinking skills to the test. They decided to analyse my general creative thinking as well, for example: why are manhole covers circles and not square shaped? Have a moment to chew on that.

Apparently they sent me to another room to audition under that camp Malaysian celebrity from Akademi Fantasia: Aznil. I did it for shits and giggles, not like I am entering the entertainment industry anyway, or am I? Hmm, potential. Was abit of a diva, not that I minded. Complimented my hair, suit and voice. Not so subtle flirtation perhaps? Apparently the man is 50 but fuck me he looks young and acts even younger. I'd never have wagered a guess beyond the 30s.

Had myself talking to a camera spontaneously on any subject and obviously I chose to talk about London because what else could I talk about? The law? Too dreary. Politics? Too divisive. Homosexual rights? Too risky. At the end they liked my general presentation but wanted more flamboyance. Been in court too long I reckon, fucking rigid now. Or maybe just a tad too straight acting whenever I'm in a professional setting. They queried about my Malay linguistic abilities as well. Barely competent now I reckon, its been too long.

A gay friend of mine bunked over the weekend and attended these events with me. Wanted cuddles but I give selective cuddles and I'm generally not interested in people that once rejected me. I don't like the idea of being anyone's return policy and besides he's too much of a fashionista for me. That said, he can remain a sister and good gay friend but my heart's closed. Slut side wouldn't mind a shag though. We're all men after all.

And holy crap all the Singaporean Jack'd friends I've made are intensely going into hardcore study mode at the moment despite it still being the spring holidays. Their work ethic makes mine look infantile. Which probably means I won't be seeing the lot of them for awhile for any meet ups, coffee, dates, hook ups whatever. There's this Singaporean lad I've been stalking for abit, apparently he's a cutie that publishes award winning poetry as well. Sexy. Then again no straight man could ever write poetry so beautiful. Ok, done with my obligatory updates. Time to go out of this city and visit Sheffield boy or something over the weekend and hit Heaven sometime. It's been a long while. Too long.