Omega

My spirit is sapped, exams have been ongoing for most of the month and I'm exhausted. Think I may have made a fatal flaw and doomed a client. If after all my efforts I still don't make it in this field then well, I guess it was not meant to be. All the prestige and time and money spent here can be conveniently flushed down the toilet although I reckon the tangible skills I've gained here will invariably prove useful.

Lady Gaga is coming to perform songs from her new album just down the road from where I live. I have an exam the following day so fuck me seriously. I have wanted to catch Mother Monster since last year when I was bugging my ex to take me to her damned concert in London. Looks like she and I are just not meant to be. I guess I'll just have to catch her in Singapore some time then seeing as Malaysia has its knickers in a bundle perpetually when it comes to her or indeed anything homosexual related.

Lately I've been watching a set of disturbing videos as well. The prime video of concern is called "The Road to World War 3" and it's talking about how recent events are slowly leading towards those events. Normally I'd brush off people like these as fringe nuts but when you consider all his theories and explanations it starts to make frightening sense. For instance, the maker of the video talks about how Iran is being targeted by the Western powers due to it trying to break free from the US dollar's grip over petrol prices. So what happens is the West then proceeds to destabilize Syria and will attempt to try to get into Syria to involve Iran. What's scary is the video was made in September 2012. Now nearly a year later the British Parliament is debating whether to launch a war in Syria and the USA is already gleefully announcing their intention to get involved.

Oh and China and Russia are standing by Iran on strong terms. An attack on Syria and Iran could be the flashpoint of Armageddon as we know it. In a secular sense of course because I'm obviously anything but religious. But the implications are horrifying and it scares me just to think of it. Check out the video below.

And if you'd all rather care about Milley Cyrus being a skank then well, good on you. The sad reality is people are easy to manipulate and control because they care far too little about world affairs. In light of all this global politics, Malaysian politics suddenly seems so very small and insignificant. Truly, I am ever slightly worried. 

Topping

When I was younger, I always saw myself in an exclusively bottom/submissive position in a relationship or in sexual trysts and liaisons. The men in my life tended to reflect this general disposition of mine. Over the years though I discovered the other side of me, the ability to actually put my male tools to proper use for a change. It comes to no surprise that I have grown pretty fond of the alternative acts, but it does come with a slight problem. Premature explosions.

Now really I'm all up for dandy good times and rolling in the hay but whenever I reach Cloud 9 within a few minutes of insertion it always eats at my ego and is usually an embarrassing experience for both parties. Granted that my usual top sessions are relatively few and far between when I haven't had myself some action in some time, it may be fair to take those factors into consideration with my inability to cope with the heat and pleasure.

That is not to say I haven't occasionally found myself going beyond my usual median threshold but suffice to say it'd be good if I could perform without apprehensions and constantly having to worry about early fireworks. I reckon it's usually when I've exhausted my earlier reserves that I find myself performing relatively longer although if that is a prerequisite to every bout in bed that is rather sad really.

I reckon what I need is a relatively consistent bottom partner to train myself on a perpetual basis to hone my skills and tolerance so that the next time I engage in the acts of pleasure giving (as opposed to constantly being on the receiving end) I can at least perform to the level of a competent male. Because fuck me, I'm in my 20s. Time to buck up.

After experiencing the best of both worlds I have to say being the assertive partner in sexual encounters can be quite a challenge seeing as you carry the weight of the whole experience and contribute to the overall rhythm of the act. Although on a plus point the mess is far less contentious to deal with and you don't have to worry about any serious sores the day after.

If anyone has some tips and pointers to share on how to improve in being a top I'm all ears. Male ego cast aside and all that jazz. Shoot away lads. Figuratively speaking of course.

Michelle Yeoh Controversy

Recently Michelle Yeoh got herself into a firestorm by attending a rally in support of the ruling Coalition:

This inevitably stirred up a shit storm where a large number of vocal Malaysian citizens started cursing and swearing her over her Facebook fan page and calling her a traitor to the nation. At this stage I could only cover my face in my palm as I gazed upon one idiotic comment after another railing abuse at her.

Let me clear this from the start, I am no fan of the establishment but really Michelle Yeoh has every right as a citizen of our country to voice her opinion. It might not be a popular opinion, it might not be what you and I subscribe to but she certainly has no need to remain apolitical at all. If we are advocating democracy and freedom of association and speech then we must be prepared to swallow the bitter pill of hearing opinions that need not necessarily be in tandem with ours. If we can't accept that, then maybe we truly aren't ready for the very democracy and freedoms we are championing for.

That is not to say we can't disagree with Michelle Yeoh's stance but rather we could always put forward our disagreements in a civil and professional way without resorting to name calling and personal attacks on her character for her political beliefs. So I took a visit to her Facebook page and noticed people calling her a slut and a whore and other obscene vulgarities. Enough.

If this is the sort of level the general Malaysian public is at then this is the calibre of politicians we are going to get and the sort that we deserve. Why do you think our politicians take us for fools half the time, because if the Rakyat would rather rail and shout then these incompetent leaders would have no need to form a cogent argument when put to public scrutiny. By the looks of half of these people commenting with "cibai, traitor, witch, slut, fuck you, etc" rather than putting their disagreements in an eloquent manner, they get MP's that are a reflection of that attitude. Incompetent, incoherent and bloody stupid. Because evidently if an MP was to explain policy to an audience like this, half of them would not even begin to comprehend the matters and issues being addressed.

If anything, this showcases the failing of our education system. A large proportion of Malaysians that haven't had the luxury or means to study in an overseas environment or system have a tendency of being unable to form proper civil arguments and would rather shout and rail abuse to drown out dissent. They often times don't consider issues objectively and weigh the policies of both sides in a proper coherent manner. Both Barisan Nasional and Pakatan Rakyat are verily full of shit, the trick is finding which one is less full of shit to be honest. But the people of Malaysia are sometimes so full of biases towards either party they would rather just close their eyes and ears to any misgivings of the coalitions of their choice and scream "lalalala" at the top of their lungs.

Back to Michelle though, so what if she's campaigning for Barisan. So what if she's a public figure. I don't see Americans calling Arnold Schwarzennegar a traitor to his nation for supporting the Republican party by extension of him being an international super star. This is the same party that has brought in a number of emergency provisions into US law, fought against gay marriage and taken the US to two wars that have incurred great economical and human cost. And yet people will agree to disagree on policies, they aren't going about railing and personally attacking Arnold's character.

You wonder why Malaysia is still a Third World Nation? It's because they have a Third World mentality. Our leaders are just an extension of that Third world mentality. So really we have abit of a chicken and egg scenario, what is the cause: our incompetent population leading to incompetent leaders or our incompetent leaders driving an incompetent education policy that produces incompetent citizens? Just some food for thought. Fuckin' ell.

That Long Forgotten Road

I chanced upon that road gone by,
That ceaseless void of hue and cry,
How I'd pondered where it once had led,
It's winding roads where my heart had bled.

Trepidation, fear and hallowed hearts,
Filled my senses like needle shards,
Where once was whole it now was lost,
In London's bitter winter frost.

Lo' behold what I had gained,
A steady footing, of life and fame,
Trade it all with disarray,
That I might see you again some day.

Back turned, rigid and stout you'd be,
Beside that oaken Christmas tree,
You'd walk a step or two away,
I'd wonder if my voice still held some sway.

No I'd rather never meet again,
Old wounds of throbbing numbed out pain,
And yet you know I never left,
Since my heart fell prey to your brazen theft.

I look at the stars, I look to the sky,
Has so much time really passed us by?

Indeed it has, but I felt not distress,
For what you had given me once, I truly felt blessed.

When you leave let me know, I would let you go. 
For I have loved you so.

7 months soon.

When London met Melbourne

Returning to London after a week in Malaysia I found myself running through the events of the past week and all that had transpired. I'd finally met him, the boy I spent my waking hours and late nights on for the last couple of months. It was almost too good to be true and I didn't really believe what was happening. He did not hesitate with an immediate hug that was a long time coming. Warm, tender as I imagined it in the flesh.

We spent time throughout his birthday and Valentine's. I offered my meager gift. It fit, I was glad. But with these series of meetings came reality too. I was not the Prince Charming of our fantasies. I was not the deliverer of infinite affection expected. All I was as it turned out may have been quite different from what we pictured.

I'm not the most affectionate person initially, I am apprehensive and keep myself guarded. I guess he noticed, he was guarded too. We've both had our share of heartbreaks and screw overs and were undoubtedly cautious. I'm also an apprehensive person with displays of affection. It takes time but eventually I do showcase my affections, but I keep them minimal to mean something. That is until I fall hard. Guess he noticed too, how distant I was physically.

I know for a fact I didn't do some or all things as well or as sweet as I knew I could or should. That came from both our uncertainties and worries over the future, the fickleness of human hearts and the unbearably long periods of subsequent separation and distance. Once someone matters and a degree of certainty kicks in, I would sail the ends of the earth for them. I guess he wasn't too sure, and as a result neither was I.

We met one last time before I left though. Was mostly filled with much melancholy and underlying sorrow of reality. I'm not as brave or sorted as Jason who would have done everything in his power to narrow the distance and invest significant time, resources and effort into making his relationship work with Vincent. So the boy made the tough decisions I never could, and moved beyond the status quo and made his decision. I was never any good with goodbyes, and they were filled with tears and final hugs and kisses. I wonder, if in time I'll come to wonder if I had wished in another life that I had made you stay, that you'd be the one that got away. I may never know, but then again neither would you.

Truth of the matter is we're two lost souls still finding ourselves, and looking for the love we both deserve. We're still sifting through our individual scars of the past and making sense of the senselessness of human emotions. We're ultimately both in the pursuit of happiness perhaps not realising that happiness was always there, in contentment. He spoke sense though, about us starting from distance and returning to distance for years to come.

He deserves someone that will be there for him in the flesh, to wipe away his tears, kiss away his fears and hold him tight all night telling him everything would be okay. I'm not that person. A part of me wishes I was, but perhaps the way things have turned out it was for the best. Least we met, and I will never have any regrets wondering and wishing what if I had just flown back. We all have our expectations, but some day reality will hit. And ultimately we will have to decide what to do with it.

I miss you, and I do care. If you want me to, I'll be there. Banana, Dancerboy, Teddy. Thank you for everything. Go forth and shine..

Come What May

Before Christmas hits, I guess I too have myself a confession to make. We might not have known each other all that long, we might not have met up in person, we might not have ever kissed by the River Thames or walked down Piccadilly Circus hand in hand but one thing I do know for a fact is that you've brightened my December considerably and have given me some semblance of peace I haven't properly had in awhile.

I know he comes up a lot in our conversations, and I'm sorry. I can be a dick sometimes but for that I apologize too. I believe everything happens for a reason, we know each other at the times when we need to and learn the lessons life has in store for us. I'm painfully aware of the realities that face us, the different seasons, the two oceans, the ten thousand miles united ever so briefly only through artificial technology. But hey, if there's one thing we can take away from each other I'd like for it to be good lessons and good memories.

You've got your whole life ahead of you, the future is uncertain. The fickleness of the human heart and the demands of reality will some day take a toll but I know for a fact at least, in this brief time period that I've known you I've found my quantum of solace. Thank you for being my December baby. If there's one thing to confess as well I'd say this, I like you alot too. But you've got a great deal of potential, so never waste any tears or fears on me.

Maybe some day, one day. We may never know. I've enjoyed our hours of joys and dreams but reality has always been a cruel mistress. I hope I'll enjoy it some more, but some how I know nothing lasts forever...no matter how it feels today. Your personality caught me first and foremost from the start, never change who you are altogether. You're a good person, always keep that spark of optimism in you and you will go far. So before this night is through, I'll wish a merry Christmas to you and merry days thereafter. But I'll always be here at least, one way or the other.

Long Hair, Short Hair

Got myself a hair cut today at one of those overpriced Japanese hair saloons. It's only been a month and a half compared to my usual 3 months hiatus from barbers. Hadn't much of a choice though considering I had a practical professional exam in the morning and I wasn't about to let the assessor penalise me for "hair in the eyes" despite women having it there all the time. Not that I want to be associated by women's standards in that particular way, by golly. Why Japanese you ask? I wouldn't trust the locals here in the UK to touch my hair with a two foot pole thank you very much. There are just subtleties in Asian hair texture that only the Asians know about. Maybe I'm just an unadventurous prick too settled in my comfort zone to change.

Got myself a cut for other reasons as well. Quite a number of the boys I've encountered have made statements that they preferred it when my hair was short. Clean cut apparently, manlier. I just think it offsets my facial balance sometimes and makes me look a touch rounder. Or more like a school kid. Conversely I could go with my longer "K-pop" hairstyles and let the Brits mistake me for a girl cause apparently Asians with slightly prettier features and long hair confuse their ability to recognise gender. That was quite the perasan statement but whatever. Here's a story from my first year in the UK:

So there I was signing up for my bank account when the conversation went as such with the wanker...er banker.

Banker: So Mr L looks like everything is sorted.

Me: Well actually you inputted the details wrong, I'm male.

Banker: You sure of that?

Me: *wtf* Obviously...

Banker: No transgender surgeries or anything?

Me: ....No.

Back to the present, realised cutting the hair short in winter at -4 degree weathers wasn't quite the brightest idea. Immediately my head froze over with my now exposed forehead and ears left to the elements. Bugger me silly,  I'd probably need to get myself a right proper fur hat now I reckon. And new gloves cause I lost my favourite pair at a club one night. Which retard wears gloves to a club right? Probably some boots for that matter before my toes shrivel up and die despite me wearing two pairs of socks on top of each other like a cartoon character already.

But yes, back on topic it's good to feel semi professional looking again. Don't think I'd want my legal providers coming in looking like a member of the Beatles (or do I) or worse a hobo (with a b not m you sensitive ticks). At least the boy likes it, and even though we're miles apart and seasons away getting a compliment from him warms up the chilly night even if it's only virtual. The good things in life seldom come easy, but at least in some ways they do come. Happy 12/12/12, I'll show you London some day.

A Matter of Chemistry

So a couple of weeks ago I had been dating this fellow I had been talking over Jack'd for awhile. He had quite the interesting profile considering he was raised in Singapore, Hong Kong and the UK so I figured lets give it a go. Turns out he was quite a prominent figure, a successful young banker that's doing his PHD whilst tutoring physics at Imperial College by the side. One would swoon with a man of such achievements and maybe it caught my eye too. However it soon became apparent that there was a nagging question of chemistry.

For one, I had pathetic knowledge of the financial sector and economics considering those were never my areas of interest and he had no interest or working knowledge in the law making our conversations about work related matters and professional discussions rather awkward. I'd like to think I am a person of depth but when he goes off into a full blown discussion on markets and shares I feel ever so slightly stupid.

On the other the age gap has widened with him being towards the later end of the 20s making our interests and lingos a touch more distant. He might have some Singaporean background knowledge but considering his long absence from the island he might as well be another foreigner now. At least he tries with his pseudo Singlish I guess. That's the thing I always loved about my Malaysians, a common understanding and culture that we could all relate to. With the ex being from my hometown we could always swap over into the Subang culture's inside jokes and share intimate discussions about our politics of home, and use ourselves some Manglish and Malay to diffuse any tensions and make things cute. It's something my foreign dates have always lacked.

Him being a busy working professional isn't helping matters either considering how our schedules do not quite line up. As he works late into the night conversations are uneven and with long pauses. I did get slightly smitten when he did random calls to check how I was though, guess it was a throw back to the days when I was someone that was cared for. But it's a shame really, I don't think I'm connecting to him as much as I'd like to. He seems like a decent fellow and probably likes me quite a bit but my heart's not quite here though I thought it might be. We might head over to the Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park over the weekend, maybe a certain spark might develop over there.

Or maybe, just maybe, I'm just not quite over the ex yet and I really should have taken a break from relationships like I had originally planned. Maybe I'm still just comparing everyone as pale shadows to him when they might be perfectly legit candidates all along. The weather is dropping again, I think it will snow soon. This will be a cold winter, a winter without you. Some nights I do miss you Doc, I really do. I hope and pray Mr Banker isn't just a temporary solution to you, but maybe it truly is just a lack of chemistry. I'll know soon enough.

Winter always screws with ones mood. Always.

A Question of Commitment

I've been thinking for awhile now about the priorities of gay men as they age and how they change. I used to be told by my older dates and former partners when I was younger that it was natural that I was still having commitment chills, and experimenting and being a touch wild as I was still young but that their priorities and life goals were somewhat different as they were older and had been through the fires of youth already. The older ones always seemed more ready to settle and to commit having been through their fair share of casual fucks, flings and heartbreaks already.

I guess it is only natural to tire of the playboy reckless life of hedonism and cheap thrills after some time. One can only go through so many cycles of failed dates, one night stands and wild parties before questioning what our lives have come to. Or so I would have thought. But then there are the anomalies I've encountered. Men in their late twenties to early thirties that still act like younger idiotic naive boys that haven't learned or experienced enough of life's odd pleasures yet.

I always found it somewhat sad and odd that I've encountered some men in those age brackets that still don't seem ready to settle. I mean some of them have perfectly loving boyfriends but are still ruled by the power of their dicks. You would think that men would have become less temperamental over time unlike youths in their early 20s or teen years and be less prone to silly temptation. They lose perfectly good relationships over their inability to commit and to fuck around like lost boys.

Isn't it just a touch sad though, that people could still be so directionless at a time when most straight couples are already getting married and building a family together. There's no doubt that there are plenty of committed, sane, honest, happily secure and sorted gay men in their older years out there with their lovely partners but its just these outliers that make me think. I know for one I wouldn't still want to be hopping from date to pointless date and from one screw to the next by the time I hit my later years. If I do I might just turn out to be like one of those sad lonely uncles forever stalking younger boys at gyms, spas and swimming pools.

Heaven forbid I turn out that way gosh, but if I ever become some sad lonely uncle I hope I'd at least be one of grace and class using cash to make them come to me rather than soliciting like a dodgy skank in my twilight years. Just some scary random thoughts I've been having, I think the legal profession is starting to screw with my brains.

Too Bottom

This weekend had been quite a blast with the Hyper Japan convention going on in London and me getting to experience Japanese culture by the buck loads with cosplayers, robots, samurais and interesting food. The interesting bits came later in the day though when I got invited to a private house party by a relatively close London gay friend to have seafood and to meet the interesting boys and girls he had in his list.

This ridiculously cute Malaysian boy opened the door to his apartment and I had to admit I was just a touch smitten. Lets call this lad M. Now there were alot of good looking gay boys coming over to the party but I enjoyed connecting with M due to similar backgrounds and lingos. By the time the drunkeness started kicking in though M began flirting with another boy D whom was totally his type it would seem. D on the other hand seemed to have a thing for me. D was one of those top boys and M was one of those cute bottom boys. Now I noticed a pattern here with all the top lads always having a thing for me but the bottom boys eyeing past me. Makes me wonder if I have become too bottom for my own good.

No really it does make me ponder a little when I don't usually need too much effort to get tall assertive dominant top men interested but usually cannot for the life of me get much spark out of the prettier more passive boys. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but it does call into question my masculinity sometimes and makes me ponder. After hanging out with M for most of today he mentioned how he saw me more as a friend. I think with the cute twunky Subang boy I met over summer being more into manly men too, I would probably fall under the friends category if I were to confess anything to him as well.

I still get my fair share of men though, so I cannot be half bad. Men of prominence and ambition that pamper me and shit. But still, maybe I just want to have my cake and eat it. Maybe a reinvention is in order with a manlier less pretty hair cut, pumping hell of alot more iron at the gym and all that good stuff. Maybe I'll grow a beard? Or maybe any form of reinvention will just chase away my current market and make me wind up in an awkward middle spot. Neither pretty boy/cute enough to get certain top men nor rugged and tough enough to get the bottom boys. Ah well, at least everyone agrees I'm pretty damn straight acting so I needn't embarrass anyone with my campness.

The Girls of my Life (And Other Bi Matters)

Quite often in my life I've come across women that I've met just at the wrong times in that, whilst they evoked much emotional longing within me they were always already taken when I had known them. It's a shame really because a lot of times these taken women end up being very close friends with me that connect on quite a deep level. The thing however is they tend to be women of upright character (a trait that I admire) and would often times get a little uncomfortable once my affections became more obvious. There's underlying tension of course, they like me but they'd never cheat on their partners with me.

Not all that long ago I would have the mentality that I would win over these girls regardless of whom their partners were. I mean they were just boyfriends right, not husbands. Alls fair in love and war and all that crap. I remember a taken girl I once had strong affections for asking why I was never attached to a girlfriend all these years (at least beyond the puppy sorts that don't quite count). I'd reply that the ones I truly care about are always taken. I remember she said once that even though there was a goal keeper on the field, goals could still be scored. Heh, never understood if she was toying with me or implying something but it did strike me as a rather odd statement to make. I like her still to some degree of course, but I've put her back into the friends category.

The point I'm making however is I've kind of changed in the way I handle or will handle these scenarios. I don't think I'd go for another man's girl friend ever again (hopefully) considering that if I ever win her over, there will always be the insecurity that if she could cheat on him for me, she could cheat on me too. Then the issue of character would be questioned. The other issue is more personal. I was a victim of an emotional affair, oddly enough with a boy (the ex) or even a number of times with a couple of boys.

I know the pain and anguish first hand now that a innocent partner would face and I would never want that to befall anyone. It's nerve racking and painful when you realise your partner, whom once put you in the centre of their world, has become a hot and cold schizophrenic that hides details from you and has mysterious phone activities that forever dampen your mood. Fuck that, no one should ever have to be subject to that shit I've gone through.

But I've digressed, the topic is supposed to be on the girls of my life after all. This is a bi blog still I reckon. However regardless of whether my future partner is a man or woman, neither of them deserve to have the fear or apprehension of me leaving them for the other gender and much less the same gender as them. Being bisexual can be difficult considering the overwhelming degree of confusion, ethical issues and personal conflicts one has to deal with as well as discrimination by both homosexuals and heterosexuals. Yes gays do discriminate against bisexuals sadly by denying we even exist or by completely cutting us out of options and generalising us as always being potential ditchers in favour of women in the future. Heaven forbid I go down that path.

Things I Learned From My Last Relationship

I just thought I'd fill in my thoughts in written form before I lose them forever. I had just had my first serious relationship (from either gender) come crashing down on me not too long ago and it taught me a number of key lessons actually. It made me aware of what it means to be in love, what I really want in life and what I want in my partners. Being knee deep in love with someone that cares (once) for you can really open your eyes to a whole new experience.

For one I realise now the true importance of trust and commitment. Without those two ingredients the relationship is living on borrowed time. Which means things like Grindr and Jack'd need to go. Those apps bring nothing but temptation and suspicion and hurt whilst a monogamous relationship is in session. Unless of course its a mutually agreed term I reckon. Still its my biggest mistake, and I'll never get those apps again if ever I end up in a relation for as long as that relation lasts (hopefully a lifetime for a change).

Secondly I realise the flaw with emphasizing my bi-sexual nature. It creates an immediate apprehension with my boys, and a sense of impermenance that I would eventually leave them for a girl. Fuck knows I've struggled with that dilemma for the longest time, taking into account my family's happiness over mine. Then one day it hit me, and I realised my own happiness has to count for something too. I can be a filial son and not necessarily have to marry a female or sire offspring (even the latter is something I would greatly appreciate). I have actually changed from a boy that had commitment issues to someone who could see himself married to a man I truly love and raising a family together. Stupid as it sounds, I contemplated marriage with the ex and I guess he was the first man that made me ever feel that strongly. I guess I don't have that apprehension anymore, and I need to be fair to my boys from now onwards. Maybe I really am turning gay.

And third, I came to realise that I am not as liberal as I thought I was. There's still that traditional streak of the old me lurking about in there. I'm not as cool with open relationships as I thought I'd be, considering I can still get jealous if I really cared about my partner enough. And threesomes piss me off more than I ever thought it would. Hell I was the one with all these cool ideas and when the chips come down to it, I realised I can't ever take seeing my partner screw the living day lights out of another. It's just too painful to bear. Too much info I reckon.

And above all else, to never take a partner for granted. Sometimes when we get comfortable we forget that our partners are still human and need to feel loved and appreciated from time to time. They might love you more than you love them but if they are unfulfilled they will seek other avenues elsewhere and eventually before you know it, the love story you never thought would end will abruptly come to a halt.

These points are all deeply personal of course. Bits and pieces of my mistakes linger, and I know for a fact I will strive never to repeat them again for my future partner. They deserve only the best from me, and I'll strive to be the best there is within my reasonable capacity.

We accept the love we think we deserve.

The Other Side of Me

I've been someone in the blogging business for some time now although I've always had to censor, mask and sugar coat my real opinions and experiences for fear of either:

• Offending people, because everyone is way too sensitive
• Being read by nosy relatives or other assorted adults that have no business prodding my life
• Discovery of my true inclinations and preferences, which can be rather amoral at times

I've long talked about making an anonymous blog for me to be me, and to say give a piece of my mind as I really would without all the considerations of having links and judgement drawn between my ramblings to the person that I am in reality.

More than anything, I'd just want to have this space to talk about my life and experiences as a bisexual Malaysian lad trying to make my way in the world and survive law school while I'm at it. Perhaps now, after all this while I am ready to stand up for my sexual identity and share my life with no restraints. I can finally be me and not what 'they' want me to be.