London Pride

This post is way overdue but just a weekend or two ago London had it's Pride Day with the expected Pride Parades. Coming from conservative Malaysia, it comes to no surprise that I've had no experience whatsoever with regards to fashionable and fabulous events of such colour and so I got myself there as a curious observer. Naturally.

I'll say, London is pretty gay. Gayer than I had initially given it credit for. Soho (Gayville) in London was teeming with a ridiculous number of people and I think that segment of the city became a third world nation for awhile with all the bottles and trash littering the streets. Come on Britain, you're supposed to be a First World nation. Don't be daft and forget your civic lessons from school, Lord Almighty.

The Parade itself was rather interesting with a variety of colours and causes both political and religious being advanced. So we had the Gay athiests, Hindu, Christian, Catholics, environmentalist, geek, communist, lawyers, doctors, firemen, army yadda yadda associations all coming out of the woodwork and giving us a damn good display on the streets of Oxford Circus, down Regent's Street all the way towards Picadilly and finally stopping at Trafalgar Square for the Grand Concert.

  

Above all the association that impressed me most was the LGBT Muslim association. When they came out, the crowd cheered louder than ever. Instinctively I cheered pretty damn loud myself before even realising it. In a way I was just happy seeing my fellow Muslims having a voice of tolerance and trying to initiate a renaissance of acceptance, and even though it would be a long long arduous road ahead fraught with dangers and challenges, these brave men and women led the charge. Almost brought me to tears to be honest.

  

 Very courageous

There was also the LGBT lawyers marching around in their fancy wigs and robes. The Bar Standards Board must be indulging in much wailing, groaning and gnashing of teeth at the sight of the symbols of judicial might being used so fabulously. Conversely, one could say justice is being paraded for a good cause. I digress. Instinctively one of the gay lawyers stuck a gay lawyer sticker on my shoulder (I was getting all sorts of stickers put upon me even as an observer). Maybe I just have a legal vibe about me. Makes all the bitches at Heaven seem to think I'm pompous and hate on me for some reason. Oh well, no surprise when half of the idiots there are doing fine art and fashion and other assorted bullshit courses. Fuck me, digressed again.

Barrister in wig and gown hidden in the left.

One of my straight friends spontaneously decided to drop by in London on that day itself. Obviously being the closeted bisexual I did not let my true inclinations out for all and sundry and that included hiding said inclinations from him. We met up and he interestingly enough was all for attending the LGBT event in Trafalgar Square and just showing his support and tolerance as a straight man without prejudice towards the community. Even took a picture with a fabulous transsexual there. These are the types of people I want to surround myself with. Open minded, compassionate and non judgmental. I appreciate him really.

  

Crowds at Trafalgar Square

Later that day I decided to join a white friend whom used to like me quite abit to party. I got dragged into Soho and there was Black Pride for the Afro-Carribean LGBT community of London being held at one corner near a small square/park. So I joined my old admirer and his black faghag to dance with the rest of the LGBT Afro-Carribeans to soulful black music. I think I must have been the only Asian dancing in a crowd of very happy gay black men. Did I mention I kinda like blacks? Not that I've tried one and most Asians are so judgmental about that. Fuck off. Don't hate.

 

Soho being bloody crowded

Finally on the night itself one of the clubs was having the Backstreet Boys and the Wanted performing back to back after midnight. Got myself hammered with my black and white bitches and we looked like a colorful United Nations of Drunkards. The line was bloody awful because apparently the Backstreet Uncles are still popular with the faggots of London.

Waited in line for the next 2 hours or so till my high went down although at least the people in the line were interesting. Some Americans and Australians added to the fun. So we were all tossing nationality and racial jokes at each other and when it came to me nobody had shit to use against Malaysia because most people don't know jack shit about Malaysia anyway. So instead I got all kinds of racist Thai jokes thrown my way. Bugger me senseless, apparently Malaysians like to give "sucky sucky 3.50 Baht" and what not. Luckily I wasn't Thai or I would just be slightly offended.

And yes I obviously missed out on the Backstreet Boys because of the retardedly long queue although at least I got to catch the Wanted. Gotta pity the Wanted though, everyone was leaving as soon as the Backstreet Boys were done. Overall it was a good weekend. London's fun when its this gay.

 I'm glad you came. *cheeky smile*

Warning Not Work Safe: Porn Idol 2

So not too long ago I brought one of my rather inexperienced friends over to Heaven for Porn Idol night because, why the hell not. To those unaware, Porn Idol is an event at one of London's largest gay clubs whereby anyone from the audience and in general can do a dance and song striptease over a pole in front of the crowd before being judged by a panel of 3 incredibly funny (and oftentimes bitchy) judges X Factor style.

So basically I arrived there with my rather naive and innocent friend whom I was about to corrupt and bumped into more mates there because everyone loves Porn Idol. A disclaimer though, because of the open nature of the competition you can sometimes receive the very best of the sexiest beasts to the very worst of the undateables. So without further ado: Porn Idol.

Note: The less attractive contestants have been eliminated from this list as when I mean they are bad, they really are bad. According to one female judge: "I don't know whether to shag or feed you honey, you look more brittle than my personal China Tea set."

 Contestant 1 blazes out his moves and according to one of the female judges: "You make my fanny wetter than the Titanic, I'd shag you rough over the stage itself honey" Definitely a show stopper with his application of body oil all over himself.

 Contestant 3 is the only female in the competition and the first one I've ever seen in Porn Idol. Very likely a Butch Lesbian but she's on fucking fire and wilder than a bitch in heat. Security had to control her a few times and the bitchy judges were less than impressed by her despite jaw dropping dance moves. And yes she shows her fanny.

 Contestant 4 is a Californian boy that has a similar enough bone structure to mine with more meat on of course so I naturally felt attached. Not too bad.

 Contestant 5 comes in with a full suit, bowtie and top hat before ripping them all off and getting down and dirty with the pole. Overall I preferred him with his clothes on though.

 Contestant 6 was an Italian guy that spoke no English so he just went all out for it. Unfortunately he could not understand any comments the judges made no matter how snide.

 Contestant 9 was a tourist from one of those Scandinavian countries and I thought he had a certain charm about him with his sporting attitude on stage. Thought he was somewhat hot but I didn't get a clear picture. Fail.

Thereafter all the contestants are lined up and the screams from the audience for each of them would be counted as a vote to preserve the final two whom would then give a final performance.

 Guy with the awkward thumbs up was apparently a legal provider. Friends were giving me funny looks and asking if that's what happens in the profession. Fuck me, that was awkward. Wonder what the Bar Standards Board would think.

And so the finals ended being between the lesbian contestant 3 and Mr hot shot contestant 1. They both showed us some crazy moves although the woman was bloody mental. They kept leaping unto each other in a mock fight before security tore them apart a couple of times. Was pretty damn funny I'd say.

So the final bunch of screams seemed to indicate just slightly stronger support for the woman although being a gay club and all the judges were fucking biased against her it wasn't even funny. So guess who won? Duh. The dude, oh well, gay club. Hah!

And ironically that night I spent quite a fair deal dancing with some Korean chick in the same club before taking down her number during the "Call me Maybe" segment. This is getting odd, me dancing with random chicks in Heaven before taking down their numbers and never calling anyway. Oh well, I like my stranger routine I guess. Weird that way. It's interesting how comfortable girls are to just dancing with you freely when they think you're gay, until I correct them otherwise and they go "No wonder." Ah well, bisexuality. Best of both worlds.

Little Gay Happenings

Last week I had myself a small gay trip with one of my gay besties JK down south in Brighton. We had become acquainted through Jack'd over the last summer and considering he was headed home for Malaysia soon and I'd be stuck here till September or so, I probably wouldn't be seeing him again for over a year as by the time I would leave UK for good he'd be returning for his following year to continue his degree. As such it would do us both good to have a nice little gay bonding time.

So it came to no surprise that we chose Brighton, the supposed gay capital of Europe. For a change the sun was up in UK (bloody shocker I know) and the beaches were thriving with a ton of barely clothed (sometimes unclothed) people having some fun in the sun. Hell the entire city was full of shirtless people just casually walking around basking in the sun. Not me though, I'm still on the shyer side with toplessness, shall probably need a couple more months of intensive work out regiments and I shall be good to go. Relatively comfortable with my body where play in bed is concerned though heh. JK on the other hand was pretty gym fit so I wouldn't be surprised if he were dying to tear off that shirt of his half the time.

We booked ourselves a backpackers dorm crammed with 15 other people. It looked like a morgue but we were having ourselves a fabulous holiday as opposed to a posh one after all.

Hide the bodies

Suffice to say, it was an interesting laid back town that we could just chill and lay back in whilst checking all the hot bods around. I'm not exactly the biggest fan of Westerners but JK was quite the massive potato queen so I guess he had himself eye candy by the truckloads. And yes that's why we aren't dating despite being pretty close friends. He likes his men blonde and blue eyed, older, rugged and pretty meaty. I think I'm just a tad bit leaning on the pretty boy side. No surprise I get myself a proper 9 foot hole in the friend zone cemetery then heh.

They had this interesting pier that stretched out into the sea with a fun fair at the very end. We got conned into eating the shitty pricey versions of the Fish and Chips we so desperately craved although we had ourselves multiple grand meals thereafter to compensate for that.

 So this must be where Melbourne got its inspiration from

This restaurant is modeled after a classical opera house

 Tourist adventures take you through a maze of small little lanes where you can find all sorts of curios and food outlets in unique hidden settings.

By now everyone is probably wondering where are all the pictures of the hot guys all over the beach are. It is my unfortunate duty to inform you that no such pictures are available as my traveling buddy decided to capture pictures of that variety instead.

Of course we had to try the night scene in the supposed Gay capital as well. First night proved to be a massive disappointment because apparently everything is dead on Wednesdays. The second night had JK calling his Brighton friend to show us around though and it turned out the friend was a legal lecturer at Manchester Uni once. Things got a tad awkward when I found out he was friends with my many educators back in the good old undergraduate days. Bugger me senseless, imagine dancing in clubs with your professors. That has to be next level unprofessional conduct right there!

Suffice to say, I'm always happy to receive free drinks till I sway a tad and start intimately dancing with random lesbians. There was a foam party going on at the club I was in and I never realised how irritating or disgusting foam could be to be honest. It's all sticky and soapy and unless all the hot boys start stripping and grinding their soapy bodies against each other (and me) it ain't exactly a fun experience to have detergent shot at your face continuously from an air cannon. I'm such a fussy bitch aren't I?

Covered lightly in foam before the next wave

Suffice to say I had a great deal of fun partying and traveling with JK. Reminds me of our first party at Marketplace back in August 2012. I reckon I'll miss him when he leaves and whilst we might not be lovers I've grown to appreciate proper platonic gay friendships that matter.

Upon returning to London, I had my last few meet ups with JY (Singaporean from last post). It was kind of sad that he was leaving for the summer and we would not see each other again for the longest time as once again by the time he'd be back, I'd have left this city for good. So we had a nice slow night with dinner and drinks, basking in the city lights. We met his friends (and some guy competing with me for him) and proceeded for a final party before he left for good. Can I just say this world is too damn small and his friends are people whom are friends or exes of people I'm kind of close to? Jesus, this circle.

That last night, we took a bus ride home after the party. He had a flight come the dawn and this was us saying our final farewells. He had a book launch back in Singapore soon, it contained poems relating to his sexuality, his parents were sure to question him. He mentioned perhaps some day I might be a part of his poetry too, stories of our brief summer in London. Maybe I'll send him poetry of my own too, let a professional objectively critique my work. I walked him to his doorstep, we hugged and I was just about to leave when I turned.

And landed a soft kiss to his lips. It was soft, tender and sweet unlike my usual lusty trysts or fickle flames. We parted, and then he was gone. The kiss lingered, and before long I was home with a smile. Parting ever was bittersweet. Maybe some day I'll see you again.

Funky Buddha

Over the weekend I decided to join my colleagues for a round of straight clubbing for a change. After spending prolonged periods of time in Heaven and the gay circle this would prove to be a refreshing change and so we decided on one of the poshest avenues in Mayfair. Funky Buddha.

Now the name itself is bound to raise eyebrows but wait till you get a load of the sacrilegious den of sin we were headed to. Inside the place itself there were actually...Buddha statues around. Not sure if it was tasteless or funny but I guess it added to the ambiance of partying in a temple perhaps? Secularism gone wild hah.

I kid you not. This is a club with religious iconography.

Suffice to say, as usual partying with the posh kids they decide that having a few drinks wasn't enough. If you recall the crazy bitches I partied with the last round you can reckon what was happening next. Yes, a giant bottle of vodka worth a thousand quid (pounds). With ten of us there it would still be a hundred each and that shit burned a massive hole in my wallet. And this lads is why I don't go straight clubbing in London.

But damn was it a good experience, haven't felt this straight in ages. Went around dancing with random Hong Kong chicks after taking one too many gulps. As usual, Asian girls can't drink for shits and a number of them in our group started collapsing one after the other. Before I realised it the whole crew was mostly knocked out and I was alone in the club, half drunk myself.

And that's when I proceeded to strike random conversations with people around the club and on the streets in my dysfunctional Scouse accent. Mother would be proud. It's Mother's Day. I think I'll stick to Heaven next time. Or find different party mates at the straight clubs because damn it I don't think I can afford prolonged parties with the rich and famous here. Dad would be livid, as should I.

De-Stress Parties

So I've been having myself some long deserved parties after locking myself up for the last month or so and decided to go to Heaven for a change on Thursday. It was Porn Idol night and I'd received some recommendations to check it out for some time now so I decided to do so. Popped by G-A-Y bar in Soho for some drinks with my usual party mate, the Macau slut, and he intro-ed me to some fit Singaporean men. Bugger, this Macau friend always introduces me to the cutest lads and I have no idea where the hell he finds these boys from.

Was abit of a parasite being bottom boy all night and getting drinks thrown my way for the night. There are some perks being pampered that way heh. Some drunken Scouse lady next to us persistently flashed a boob in our direction. Had my arse squeezed by some random black chicks behind me as well. Heh, just because we're bent women suddenly feel all confident sexually harassing us. I reckon if the tables were turned the authorities would have come down hard and fast on us already. That sentence sounded wrong.

Anyway fast forward to the club and my fellow skanks decide to jump on the stage from the get go. Wasn't remotely tipsy yet but damn it, had myself dragged unto the elevated platform as well. One of the Singaporean guys I met that night was getting along relatively well with me. Apparently he quite liked the Malaysian gay scene in Marketplace as well and said that Malaysian boys were getting cuter. Heh, flattery. He's got a nice set of guns and his pecs were tempting, I took the dance.

The highlight was the Porn Idols. Basically every Thursday 8 people would volunteer to go on stage and do a dance and strip everything off. 3 judges would assess them X-Factor style and the audience would cheer and vote for who would win. If anyone from the audience were interested they could go on stage and strip as well. There was this Black American tourist that went on stage and fuck me was he hot. I'm starting to think most Americans are leaps and bounds hotter than the standard British person here. What is it about these Yanks?

The final three contestants were finally called on stage and one of them was apparently a straight boy in the army so the gays were screaming their lungs off. Then again there seemed to be a hell of alot of women that night too, all taking advantage of the free cock show they were getting. In the end though some hot German guy won and took home his 100 quid prize.

Obviously I partied on after that for abit more, had some White boys hit on me but I wasn't exactly interested. Mostly enjoyed dancing with the Singaporeans and Macau skank. Bumped into his fellow Hong Kong buddies and we all partied for abit more. I recognised one of them as a friend of the ex so we had some small talk and he tossed me some reassuring words. Nice of him.

And over the course of the night the Singaporean dude I was dancing with eventually got quite abit touchier. Not a bad kisser I'd say, 3rd on my list so far if I were to rank it. Not as sloppy as some twats I've had the misfortune of kissing. Whatever happened after you can all go figure. Think I was slightly off my rockers but I think I needed it. The night was good.

And the morning after was spent watching the shittiest Tom Cruise movie, Oblivion, with my fellow colleagues. No idea why but 2013 has been full of shit movies lately apart from Cloud Atlas of course. Can't wait for Iron Man 3 to premiere and save me from this film hell.

Living the New Years

Had myself a short hiatus as I was over in the Netherlands and some other Euro countries for abit. What happens in Amsterdam stays in Amsterdam as they say. I must say I was relatively well behaved over there which is quite the contrary of what people go to Sin City for. Oh well. I came out to my other close friend throughout the trip because I grew tired of whispering with the other travel buddy about boys and just decided to fuck it. If close friends still mind after all these years of knowing me they don't deserve to be friends of mine. So yea, I was just glad they were so accepting and I could just be open about meeting boys over Jack'd whilst on travels without coming up with creative excuses.

New Years was a bit of a nightmare because we had all gone to see fireworks by the London Eye. An old primary school classmate joined us this time around and she asked me a few times if I was slightly bent. Am I getting more obvious with age? She has hinted some liking for me otherwise, even shared the same bed on the last night although nothing happened. That'd be a barrel of controversy if people knew heh.

Oh yes New Years was supposed to be fireworks then dragging my straight friends for a round of gay clubbing in London because they are open enough for that. Unfortunately the promoters at Heaven were slightly hostile that night and gave the gays a bad name in my friend's eyes. Asked me to fuck off it seems. Maybe cause I was with girls? Well fuck you too. Clubs were all full anyway since we were being retarded pre drinking till pretty late at my crib.

And yes hell broke lose after the fireworks when everyone began pushing and shoving to go home. My female friend nearly got attacked by some assholes in the crowd and I had to hug her tight as we waded a wall of human traffic. A couple of dicks wanted to start a fight with me too but fortunately I managed to evade conflict there. Wouldn't want to bring the Bar into disrepute now even though fighting legal providers would be awesome.

Jumping ahead of time for abit, had myself some exams yesterday before heading out to celebrate a birthday party with some colleagues. Was walking back around Chinatown when we took a bend around this gay bar there to get on the trains home. And I just had to bump into some gay friends, bugger me. Thought my friend was going to kiss me there in public with my colleagues there so I gave a very direct stare and he nodded before just giving me a hand shake. Think my fellow lawyers noticed my immediate tension since I was shaking hands with random boys outside a famous gay bar. Shit. But I had legit worries since this fellow had a tendency to give me random kisses all the damn time anyway.

So after splitting with my straight mates I naturally returned to the gay bar and apologized for my slight awkwardness. Next thing I know I'm at Heaven again and bumping into some Korean guy I used to go on date movies with. And yes everything thereafter becomes abit of a blur as the alcohol worked its way into my system. Go imagine what happens.

Finally a toast to 2012, one of the best and worst years of my life. The year I grew in influence, the year I graduated, the year I found love, the year I entered professional training, the year I became a political activist, the year I had my heart broken, and the year I found myself. Wherever you are now my first love, I wish you all the best.

Girls I Would Not Date

Had myself a straight clubbing session for the first time in forever over the weekend in London and I must say entertainment is significantly more expensive than at the gay venues. Most of these fancy clubs have pretentious decor, small cramped dance floors and a crowd so dull it would do fuck all to cut butter with. That's a  pretty terrible analogous statement. So yes I turned down a night out to bend over with my bent friends for the chicks at my institution. It dawned on me though that despite one of them (lets call her A) being as smooth as Arabian Silk and presentable enough to turn heads, dating someone like her was just out of the question not due to my lack of social standing or charm (do I sound like a prick yet?).

Collectively I shall divide it into a number of incidents.

Incident 1:

Upon meeting a friend of a friend (C) whom was a somewhat average looker whom dressed less than fashionably:-

Me: So whereabouts do you study?
C: Oh, I'm a medical student at Cambridge.
A: Yes, she looks the part.

Now now, degrading someone like that doesn't just showcase an inflated ego. It also showcases a underlying current of insecurity. Snide comments like that reveal a hidden unpleasant character.

Incident 2:

A: Your hair cut is pretty bad, please fire your stylist.
Guy Friend: Well I'm fine with him thank you very much.
Me: I think he looks alright too.
A: Nah, he would look decent but for the hair. I can recommend you better.

Being honest is one thing, but attacking the male ego so directly? No thank you. Commentary on my fashion sense is not helping matters either.

Incident 3:

A: You guys are not drunk yet, let's open a bottle of posh champagne for the year's end.
Me: How much is it?
A: 350 pounds.
Me: I shall pass.
A: I'll just pay for it then.

Most men would be pretty damned happy at the prospect of women buying drinks but spending daddy's money excessively after everyone was already halfway tipsy isn't exactly the best impression to make. If a girl can spend daddy's cash in spades she can deplete her husband's coffers faster than a thirsty camel at a dessert oasis.

Incident 4:

Us: So ever had a relationship or boy friend before?
A: No, not any serious ones at least. The beneficial friends don't count.

Implied commitment issues, and no serious relationship after 22 years as a relatively attractive female does bleep the warning lights. Funny how women are held to different standards than men in my book. I almost sound like a proper douche.

And no, I don't have any issues against her but I certainly would not date someone like her. Arrogant men can be quite the turn off too as there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. Confidence is where you are overtly aware of your strengths but aren't obnoxiously shoving it down everyone's throats due to underlying humility. Arrogance is when there is a blatant superiority complex so vast it would fill up the Grand Canyon. Bitch session over.