Before Christmas hits, I guess I too have myself a confession to make. We might not have known each other all that long, we might not have met up in person, we might not have ever kissed by the River Thames or walked down Piccadilly Circus hand in hand but one thing I do know for a fact is that you've brightened my December considerably and have given me some semblance of peace I haven't properly had in awhile.
I know he comes up a lot in our conversations, and I'm sorry. I can be a dick sometimes but for that I apologize too. I believe everything happens for a reason, we know each other at the times when we need to and learn the lessons life has in store for us. I'm painfully aware of the realities that face us, the different seasons, the two oceans, the ten thousand miles united ever so briefly only through artificial technology. But hey, if there's one thing we can take away from each other I'd like for it to be good lessons and good memories.
You've got your whole life ahead of you, the future is uncertain. The fickleness of the human heart and the demands of reality will some day take a toll but I know for a fact at least, in this brief time period that I've known you I've found my quantum of solace. Thank you for being my December baby. If there's one thing to confess as well I'd say this, I like you alot too. But you've got a great deal of potential, so never waste any tears or fears on me.
Maybe some day, one day. We may never know. I've enjoyed our hours of joys and dreams but reality has always been a cruel mistress. I hope I'll enjoy it some more, but some how I know nothing lasts forever...no matter how it feels today. Your personality caught me first and foremost from the start, never change who you are altogether. You're a good person, always keep that spark of optimism in you and you will go far. So before this night is through, I'll wish a merry Christmas to you and merry days thereafter. But I'll always be here at least, one way or the other.
Monday, 24 December 2012
Thursday, 20 December 2012
Of Overly Closeted People
So I was messaged on Jack'd the other day by this rather cute individual (good to know I still have market value) and me being human as I am responded naturally because we're all a little shallow inside. So the conversation was going relatively fine, although I noticed he had a tendency to deflect personal questions in a not so subtle way and considering his hidden face photos I had no doubt in my mind that he was someone knee deep in the closet. Did I mention I hate people deflecting questions I ask or outright ignoring them? Sorry, I digressed.
"Hey I'm super super discrete so I'll appreciate it if we could keep this between us." No shit Sherlock moment there.
Oddly enough he then decides to add me over Facebook, Whatsapp and Skype. We of course then have ourselves a Skype call naturally, whilst stalking each other's online profiles. He was better looking than I had initially thought, looked somewhat like an old flame of mine from one of those summers I had back in Malaysia. And then we had ourselves a brief call before he had to toss the trash. Funnily enough he had this to say:
"Hey whilst we were skyping I felt a little uncomfortable towards the way you talked like how you rolled your eyes or how you talked in a certain way. It wasn't really straight acting. Sorry to tell you this but I thought should be honest >.<"
"Hope you don't mind."
Mate you must be fucking kidding me, obviously I mind. Did you just directly question my masculinity? You do not insult the male ego to that extent and expect things to be fine. It's not that I can't act straight, I do. But obviously when I'm meeting a fellow gay lad on a private chat channel I'm not going to be overly formal or overly "straight". Guys that try too hard to "act straight" usually just come off as the biggest douchebags or tools imaginable. It's pretentious and I honestly hate posers, men that think they are all that but quite frankly aren't, their insecurity reeks through their excessive macho bravado.
Naturally I continue the conversation later as usual because he is hot (I'm shallow) and he could probably offer me benefits in some shape or form some time. Expendable human being. My douche side is showing fuck me. But yes this guy clearly had some issues considering he's never dated men in his life and only recently begun experimenting with them and realising he likes cock up his arse or arse up his cock. Get's super uncomfortable being seen with men and gets all edgy whenever I mention gay related topics even in the privacy of his own room due to his paranoia of eavesdropping housemates.
Jesus mate, sounds to me like you need therapy and a good few years of sorting yourself out before going anywhere near the gay world. I might be bi, but bisexuals of these sort are pretty damn hypocritical I'd say. Good enough to bed, not good enough to wed by all accounts. I reckon he thinks he's an alpha male of sorts (I attract these types for some reason) but he's most likely more akin to one of those fagbagsters we know Asia is famous for.
"Hey I'm super super discrete so I'll appreciate it if we could keep this between us." No shit Sherlock moment there.
Oddly enough he then decides to add me over Facebook, Whatsapp and Skype. We of course then have ourselves a Skype call naturally, whilst stalking each other's online profiles. He was better looking than I had initially thought, looked somewhat like an old flame of mine from one of those summers I had back in Malaysia. And then we had ourselves a brief call before he had to toss the trash. Funnily enough he had this to say:
"Hey whilst we were skyping I felt a little uncomfortable towards the way you talked like how you rolled your eyes or how you talked in a certain way. It wasn't really straight acting. Sorry to tell you this but I thought should be honest >.<"
"Hope you don't mind."
Mate you must be fucking kidding me, obviously I mind. Did you just directly question my masculinity? You do not insult the male ego to that extent and expect things to be fine. It's not that I can't act straight, I do. But obviously when I'm meeting a fellow gay lad on a private chat channel I'm not going to be overly formal or overly "straight". Guys that try too hard to "act straight" usually just come off as the biggest douchebags or tools imaginable. It's pretentious and I honestly hate posers, men that think they are all that but quite frankly aren't, their insecurity reeks through their excessive macho bravado.
Naturally I continue the conversation later as usual because he is hot (I'm shallow) and he could probably offer me benefits in some shape or form some time. Expendable human being. My douche side is showing fuck me. But yes this guy clearly had some issues considering he's never dated men in his life and only recently begun experimenting with them and realising he likes cock up his arse or arse up his cock. Get's super uncomfortable being seen with men and gets all edgy whenever I mention gay related topics even in the privacy of his own room due to his paranoia of eavesdropping housemates.
Jesus mate, sounds to me like you need therapy and a good few years of sorting yourself out before going anywhere near the gay world. I might be bi, but bisexuals of these sort are pretty damn hypocritical I'd say. Good enough to bed, not good enough to wed by all accounts. I reckon he thinks he's an alpha male of sorts (I attract these types for some reason) but he's most likely more akin to one of those fagbagsters we know Asia is famous for.
Monday, 17 December 2012
Girls I Would Not Date
Had myself a straight clubbing session for the first time in forever over the weekend in London and I must say entertainment is significantly more expensive than at the gay venues. Most of these fancy clubs have pretentious decor, small cramped dance floors and a crowd so dull it would do fuck all to cut butter with. That's a pretty terrible analogous statement. So yes I turned down a night out to bend over with my bent friends for the chicks at my institution. It dawned on me though that despite one of them (lets call her A) being as smooth as Arabian Silk and presentable enough to turn heads, dating someone like her was just out of the question not due to my lack of social standing or charm (do I sound like a prick yet?).
Collectively I shall divide it into a number of incidents.
Incident 1:
Upon meeting a friend of a friend (C) whom was a somewhat average looker whom dressed less than fashionably:-
Me: So whereabouts do you study?
C: Oh, I'm a medical student at Cambridge.
A: Yes, she looks the part.
Now now, degrading someone like that doesn't just showcase an inflated ego. It also showcases a underlying current of insecurity. Snide comments like that reveal a hidden unpleasant character.
Incident 2:
A: Your hair cut is pretty bad, please fire your stylist.
Guy Friend: Well I'm fine with him thank you very much.
Me: I think he looks alright too.
A: Nah, he would look decent but for the hair. I can recommend you better.
Being honest is one thing, but attacking the male ego so directly? No thank you. Commentary on my fashion sense is not helping matters either.
Incident 3:
A: You guys are not drunk yet, let's open a bottle of posh champagne for the year's end.
Me: How much is it?
A: 350 pounds.
Me: I shall pass.
A: I'll just pay for it then.
Most men would be pretty damned happy at the prospect of women buying drinks but spending daddy's money excessively after everyone was already halfway tipsy isn't exactly the best impression to make. If a girl can spend daddy's cash in spades she can deplete her husband's coffers faster than a thirsty camel at a dessert oasis.
Incident 4:
Us: So ever had a relationship or boy friend before?
A: No, not any serious ones at least. The beneficial friends don't count.
Implied commitment issues, and no serious relationship after 22 years as a relatively attractive female does bleep the warning lights. Funny how women are held to different standards than men in my book. I almost sound like a proper douche.
And no, I don't have any issues against her but I certainly would not date someone like her. Arrogant men can be quite the turn off too as there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. Confidence is where you are overtly aware of your strengths but aren't obnoxiously shoving it down everyone's throats due to underlying humility. Arrogance is when there is a blatant superiority complex so vast it would fill up the Grand Canyon. Bitch session over.
Collectively I shall divide it into a number of incidents.
Incident 1:
Upon meeting a friend of a friend (C) whom was a somewhat average looker whom dressed less than fashionably:-
Me: So whereabouts do you study?
C: Oh, I'm a medical student at Cambridge.
A: Yes, she looks the part.
Now now, degrading someone like that doesn't just showcase an inflated ego. It also showcases a underlying current of insecurity. Snide comments like that reveal a hidden unpleasant character.
Incident 2:
A: Your hair cut is pretty bad, please fire your stylist.
Guy Friend: Well I'm fine with him thank you very much.
Me: I think he looks alright too.
A: Nah, he would look decent but for the hair. I can recommend you better.
Being honest is one thing, but attacking the male ego so directly? No thank you. Commentary on my fashion sense is not helping matters either.
Incident 3:
A: You guys are not drunk yet, let's open a bottle of posh champagne for the year's end.
Me: How much is it?
A: 350 pounds.
Me: I shall pass.
A: I'll just pay for it then.
Most men would be pretty damned happy at the prospect of women buying drinks but spending daddy's money excessively after everyone was already halfway tipsy isn't exactly the best impression to make. If a girl can spend daddy's cash in spades she can deplete her husband's coffers faster than a thirsty camel at a dessert oasis.
Incident 4:
Us: So ever had a relationship or boy friend before?
A: No, not any serious ones at least. The beneficial friends don't count.
Implied commitment issues, and no serious relationship after 22 years as a relatively attractive female does bleep the warning lights. Funny how women are held to different standards than men in my book. I almost sound like a proper douche.
And no, I don't have any issues against her but I certainly would not date someone like her. Arrogant men can be quite the turn off too as there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. Confidence is where you are overtly aware of your strengths but aren't obnoxiously shoving it down everyone's throats due to underlying humility. Arrogance is when there is a blatant superiority complex so vast it would fill up the Grand Canyon. Bitch session over.
Friday, 14 December 2012
Leisure Time
There are two ways your days in London can pan out, scenario one being the option of a holed up social recluse and saving quite a ton of money or option two being an individual with a social life. For a change I decided to pick option two considering the recently concluded exams and burnt a hole in my wallet. But that's life overseas for you especially in this city. Malaysians here are also quite a bit more willing to spend which was quite the contrast from my Cardiff/Manchester days when everyone was all thrifty to the point of annoyance. London Malaysians on the other hand felt like the other extreme where they would splurge quite significant sums of money for leisure and food which would put middle class folks like me in a slightly uncomfortable position. But hey, its fucking London.
So we decided yesterday then to have ourselves some lunch at this posh little place called Duck & Waffle on the 40th floor of Heron Tower. Apparently bookings took forever so lucky us securing a spot. The obvious culinary choice for the day would of course be the Duck and Waffles itself considering it was what the restaurant named itself after. Friends decided to be indulgent and had some side orders such as rabbits and overly priced salad as well called to the table.
So we decided yesterday then to have ourselves some lunch at this posh little place called Duck & Waffle on the 40th floor of Heron Tower. Apparently bookings took forever so lucky us securing a spot. The obvious culinary choice for the day would of course be the Duck and Waffles itself considering it was what the restaurant named itself after. Friends decided to be indulgent and had some side orders such as rabbits and overly priced salad as well called to the table.
Yes that's the fancy Duck & Waffle. It was alright but the portions were rather small just like all the other pretentious posh restaurants out there.
The restaurant we dined at.
After the meal we had ourselves a little debate as to whether we'd catch the Hobbit at the local Odeon or to head to the Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park. I guess everyone was feeling slightly masochistic that day opting for the Wonderland option instead considering it was negative temperature at the moment and my digits and toes were proper buggered from the cold. No rides were sat although we did play a few games around the amusement park here and there. The guys were a disgrace to the male gender that day failing at all games and the girls won themselves a number of prizes that day. Allow me to hang my head in shame.
The Wonderland was quite a nostalgia trip in a way though. I can't quite believe a full year has already passed since I went there with Tuls, Vince and Jason for our little PLU trip last year. Good times they were. The year zoomed by at break neck speed, I'm not sure my brain has registered with the fact that I might be entering professional practice soon. In some ways I'd love to not grow up yet, I'm still a kid inside.
Tuesday, 11 December 2012
Long Hair, Short Hair
Got myself a hair cut today at one of those overpriced Japanese hair saloons. It's only been a month and a half compared to my usual 3 months hiatus from barbers. Hadn't much of a choice though considering I had a practical professional exam in the morning and I wasn't about to let the assessor penalise me for "hair in the eyes" despite women having it there all the time. Not that I want to be associated by women's standards in that particular way, by golly. Why Japanese you ask? I wouldn't trust the locals here in the UK to touch my hair with a two foot pole thank you very much. There are just subtleties in Asian hair texture that only the Asians know about. Maybe I'm just an unadventurous prick too settled in my comfort zone to change.
Got myself a cut for other reasons as well. Quite a number of the boys I've encountered have made statements that they preferred it when my hair was short. Clean cut apparently, manlier. I just think it offsets my facial balance sometimes and makes me look a touch rounder. Or more like a school kid. Conversely I could go with my longer "K-pop" hairstyles and let the Brits mistake me for a girl cause apparently Asians with slightly prettier features and long hair confuse their ability to recognise gender. That was quite the perasan statement but whatever. Here's a story from my first year in the UK:
So there I was signing up for my bank account when the conversation went as such with the wanker...er banker.
Banker: So Mr L looks like everything is sorted.
Me: Well actually you inputted the details wrong, I'm male.
Banker: You sure of that?
Me: *wtf* Obviously...
Banker: No transgender surgeries or anything?
Me: ....No.
Back to the present, realised cutting the hair short in winter at -4 degree weathers wasn't quite the brightest idea. Immediately my head froze over with my now exposed forehead and ears left to the elements. Bugger me silly, I'd probably need to get myself a right proper fur hat now I reckon. And new gloves cause I lost my favourite pair at a club one night. Which retard wears gloves to a club right? Probably some boots for that matter before my toes shrivel up and die despite me wearing two pairs of socks on top of each other like a cartoon character already.
But yes, back on topic it's good to feel semi professional looking again. Don't think I'd want my legal providers coming in looking like a member of the Beatles (or do I) or worse a hobo (with a b not m you sensitive ticks). At least the boy likes it, and even though we're miles apart and seasons away getting a compliment from him warms up the chilly night even if it's only virtual. The good things in life seldom come easy, but at least in some ways they do come. Happy 12/12/12, I'll show you London some day.
Got myself a cut for other reasons as well. Quite a number of the boys I've encountered have made statements that they preferred it when my hair was short. Clean cut apparently, manlier. I just think it offsets my facial balance sometimes and makes me look a touch rounder. Or more like a school kid. Conversely I could go with my longer "K-pop" hairstyles and let the Brits mistake me for a girl cause apparently Asians with slightly prettier features and long hair confuse their ability to recognise gender. That was quite the perasan statement but whatever. Here's a story from my first year in the UK:
So there I was signing up for my bank account when the conversation went as such with the wanker...er banker.
Banker: So Mr L looks like everything is sorted.
Me: Well actually you inputted the details wrong, I'm male.
Banker: You sure of that?
Me: *wtf* Obviously...
Banker: No transgender surgeries or anything?
Me: ....No.
Back to the present, realised cutting the hair short in winter at -4 degree weathers wasn't quite the brightest idea. Immediately my head froze over with my now exposed forehead and ears left to the elements. Bugger me silly, I'd probably need to get myself a right proper fur hat now I reckon. And new gloves cause I lost my favourite pair at a club one night. Which retard wears gloves to a club right? Probably some boots for that matter before my toes shrivel up and die despite me wearing two pairs of socks on top of each other like a cartoon character already.
But yes, back on topic it's good to feel semi professional looking again. Don't think I'd want my legal providers coming in looking like a member of the Beatles (or do I) or worse a hobo (with a b not m you sensitive ticks). At least the boy likes it, and even though we're miles apart and seasons away getting a compliment from him warms up the chilly night even if it's only virtual. The good things in life seldom come easy, but at least in some ways they do come. Happy 12/12/12, I'll show you London some day.
Sunday, 9 December 2012
In Blackest Night
It's full blown winter by now and parts of the country are starting to freeze over with gale and snow and other assorted frosty tidbits the weather can throw. As someone from the sunkissed tropics where the term "season" was synonymous with sales my first winter was quite the eye opener for me a number of years ago.
For one the sun sets by 4pm and the moon and stars are shining bright by 5. I shit you not people, and the damned sun can sometimes take until 10 am to show itself the next day so you can imagine why winter is depression central when half the time you are waking up to the set of "30 Days of Night" over the course of 3 months. Another no shit Sherlock moment is the fact that it's pretty damn cold here so add cold, darkness and gale and you got the ultimate downer weather.
On the flipside there's the summer time when the sun decides to become a fashionista instead and refuses to stop shining. You'd have the damned lights on up to as late as 10 pm at night fucking up your dinner schedules more than you'd realise cause you would have thought it was still pretty damned early till you checked your local clock. Oh and the sun decides to rise around as early as 3-4 am with the sohai birds chirping a full blown out chorus choir by 2 so good luck getting any sleep then. Gosh I almost touchy as hell complaining about both night and day.
Got myself some assessments before the "court" coming up and I hope I don't muck up and get my thoughts as bundled up as my knickers and produce a series of pants arguments for my interim application. Had my tutor going into asshole adjudicator mode with me the other day and delivering intervention after intervention till I was cornered like a drowning rat in my arguments. It's difficult arguing with experienced legal providers you see, they know just the right buttons to push to make you squirm. I wonder if I'll ever be as sadistic some day if I ever pass this course.
Can't wait for the holidays to start though and kick off my euro tour with my high school mates backpacking and jetsetting the way young people ought to do. Heard Amsterdam was thinking of passing some hogwash anti-weed legislation against foreigners which would technically defeat the point of a trip to that haven of abject sin. We'd all be arriving there before that law passes though so space cakes and the like are still legal options.
But beyond my complaints about the weather, my tirades against my work and ramblings on wanker legislature there has been a silver lining through all of this. Namely a particular someone I've met through blogging and though we're thousands of miles apart and hours and seasons away I can say he's done well to keep a consistent smile plastered on my face. Been awhile since I've looked forward to sending and receiving texts with some vigour. Looking forward to sending many more. You know who you are. :)
For one the sun sets by 4pm and the moon and stars are shining bright by 5. I shit you not people, and the damned sun can sometimes take until 10 am to show itself the next day so you can imagine why winter is depression central when half the time you are waking up to the set of "30 Days of Night" over the course of 3 months. Another no shit Sherlock moment is the fact that it's pretty damn cold here so add cold, darkness and gale and you got the ultimate downer weather.
On the flipside there's the summer time when the sun decides to become a fashionista instead and refuses to stop shining. You'd have the damned lights on up to as late as 10 pm at night fucking up your dinner schedules more than you'd realise cause you would have thought it was still pretty damned early till you checked your local clock. Oh and the sun decides to rise around as early as 3-4 am with the sohai birds chirping a full blown out chorus choir by 2 so good luck getting any sleep then. Gosh I almost touchy as hell complaining about both night and day.
Got myself some assessments before the "court" coming up and I hope I don't muck up and get my thoughts as bundled up as my knickers and produce a series of pants arguments for my interim application. Had my tutor going into asshole adjudicator mode with me the other day and delivering intervention after intervention till I was cornered like a drowning rat in my arguments. It's difficult arguing with experienced legal providers you see, they know just the right buttons to push to make you squirm. I wonder if I'll ever be as sadistic some day if I ever pass this course.
Can't wait for the holidays to start though and kick off my euro tour with my high school mates backpacking and jetsetting the way young people ought to do. Heard Amsterdam was thinking of passing some hogwash anti-weed legislation against foreigners which would technically defeat the point of a trip to that haven of abject sin. We'd all be arriving there before that law passes though so space cakes and the like are still legal options.
But beyond my complaints about the weather, my tirades against my work and ramblings on wanker legislature there has been a silver lining through all of this. Namely a particular someone I've met through blogging and though we're thousands of miles apart and hours and seasons away I can say he's done well to keep a consistent smile plastered on my face. Been awhile since I've looked forward to sending and receiving texts with some vigour. Looking forward to sending many more. You know who you are. :)
Sunday, 2 December 2012
Men and Hormones
Holy Mackarel, nearly got myself into something I might regret recently. So after having a jolly decent Friday with some friends over from Manchester and Saturday morning/afternoon with Subang boy from summer I went back home to chill and get my work done (but we all know that never happens). Had myself a ring on Jack'd and checked it out. Turns out some relatively good looking Asian dude was unlocking his nude photos. Now normally this is the point where I block people off, but if they're sufficiently attractive and my hormones are acting up temptation settles in.
So yes I decided to entertain the nude man, probably began thinking with the other head instead. Then he invited me for a threesome, because conventional sex is too boring for some you see. His other friend then messages me with more unlocked nude pictures and I thought he wasn't too bad either. Was talking to Kayson over Facebook whether to indulge or not and then I suddenly had myself a really bad gut feeling that I might catch a particular disease I did not want. Further I really really did not want to end up in a ditch somewhere in East London with a used condom up my arse and so I did what was necessary and blocked the horny pair. Oh did I feel righteous that night.
Then Sunday came, and Mr Banker did not call so I can presume that we're just not that into each other. One case settled and sorted. Decided to open Grindr this time around and saw an Asian guy that was relatively nearby. Do you see a pattern here yet? Not me being a horny twat, but my excessive love and preference for Asians. I'm such a Rice Queen. Yea gay lingo here in the West is pretty fancy smancy with East Asians being called Rice, whites Potatoes, Indians Curry etc.
But yes suffice to say he invited me over for a quick shag. Now I have no idea what possessed me this time around but I actually got out of my house and went over to the street where he was. As I was headed there I realised I might be slightly stupid coming into this dodgy a neighbourhood, this late at night in the cold winter. So I called him up and realised that there were other people in the house as well and it wasn't going to be a one to one thing. Obviously this is the point where I began asking myself what the fuck I was even doing here and when he showed up to invite me in I refused.
And got the fuck out of there pronto.
No really, I knew I was young and horny but I definitely did not have to add reckless and stupid as adjectives to the equation. Luckily at least on the face of it the guy was cool with my refusal but holy blazing hells imagine if I had gone into that home where 3 other guys were waiting to give me a gang bang of the century. I'm highly tempted to get rid of these apps again, London will be my downfall good god.
And back to writing legal Opinions because I'm a boring downer. Tsk tsk.
So yes I decided to entertain the nude man, probably began thinking with the other head instead. Then he invited me for a threesome, because conventional sex is too boring for some you see. His other friend then messages me with more unlocked nude pictures and I thought he wasn't too bad either. Was talking to Kayson over Facebook whether to indulge or not and then I suddenly had myself a really bad gut feeling that I might catch a particular disease I did not want. Further I really really did not want to end up in a ditch somewhere in East London with a used condom up my arse and so I did what was necessary and blocked the horny pair. Oh did I feel righteous that night.
Then Sunday came, and Mr Banker did not call so I can presume that we're just not that into each other. One case settled and sorted. Decided to open Grindr this time around and saw an Asian guy that was relatively nearby. Do you see a pattern here yet? Not me being a horny twat, but my excessive love and preference for Asians. I'm such a Rice Queen. Yea gay lingo here in the West is pretty fancy smancy with East Asians being called Rice, whites Potatoes, Indians Curry etc.
But yes suffice to say he invited me over for a quick shag. Now I have no idea what possessed me this time around but I actually got out of my house and went over to the street where he was. As I was headed there I realised I might be slightly stupid coming into this dodgy a neighbourhood, this late at night in the cold winter. So I called him up and realised that there were other people in the house as well and it wasn't going to be a one to one thing. Obviously this is the point where I began asking myself what the fuck I was even doing here and when he showed up to invite me in I refused.
And got the fuck out of there pronto.
No really, I knew I was young and horny but I definitely did not have to add reckless and stupid as adjectives to the equation. Luckily at least on the face of it the guy was cool with my refusal but holy blazing hells imagine if I had gone into that home where 3 other guys were waiting to give me a gang bang of the century. I'm highly tempted to get rid of these apps again, London will be my downfall good god.
And back to writing legal Opinions because I'm a boring downer. Tsk tsk.
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