Funky Buddha

Over the weekend I decided to join my colleagues for a round of straight clubbing for a change. After spending prolonged periods of time in Heaven and the gay circle this would prove to be a refreshing change and so we decided on one of the poshest avenues in Mayfair. Funky Buddha.

Now the name itself is bound to raise eyebrows but wait till you get a load of the sacrilegious den of sin we were headed to. Inside the place itself there were actually...Buddha statues around. Not sure if it was tasteless or funny but I guess it added to the ambiance of partying in a temple perhaps? Secularism gone wild hah.

I kid you not. This is a club with religious iconography.

Suffice to say, as usual partying with the posh kids they decide that having a few drinks wasn't enough. If you recall the crazy bitches I partied with the last round you can reckon what was happening next. Yes, a giant bottle of vodka worth a thousand quid (pounds). With ten of us there it would still be a hundred each and that shit burned a massive hole in my wallet. And this lads is why I don't go straight clubbing in London.

But damn was it a good experience, haven't felt this straight in ages. Went around dancing with random Hong Kong chicks after taking one too many gulps. As usual, Asian girls can't drink for shits and a number of them in our group started collapsing one after the other. Before I realised it the whole crew was mostly knocked out and I was alone in the club, half drunk myself.

And that's when I proceeded to strike random conversations with people around the club and on the streets in my dysfunctional Scouse accent. Mother would be proud. It's Mother's Day. I think I'll stick to Heaven next time. Or find different party mates at the straight clubs because damn it I don't think I can afford prolonged parties with the rich and famous here. Dad would be livid, as should I.

Misadventures

I think I have a magnetic personality. I have a tendency to attract weirdness and misadventures my way and towards the people around me. Take this incident at the bus stop in a dodgy street in London one night. Was sending a friend off one night yes when this gang of fuck knows what ethnicity approaches us and one of these randomers begin striking up a conversation. Not sure if he's plain bored waiting for the bus to arrive or just finds himself having a strong compulsive need to talk to young Asian boys.

So he asks us what we're up to yes, where are we off to and whether clubbing is our sort of thing. Malaysians and Singaporeans and hell Asians in general usually just entertain these gestures cause we don't want to be impolite you see. Under normal circumstances I'd ask the creeper to bugger off but since he's being "nice" to us we decided to give quasi affirmative responses. Despite being a tad uncomfortable in the dimly lit bus stop at night.

Out of nowhere his even creepier friend nudges his way under our umbrella to claim shelter from the rain around us. At this juncture I was getting a tad crossed that he was starting to invade my personal space so I told him to sod off to the bus shelter just beside us. But he insists on standing with us and proceeds to grab my hand and lift the umbrella higher when I pull from his grip and threaten legal action on him. What was I to do, the buggers were either high, pissing on Asians or just plain harassing me by that point and I wasn't going to have anything to do with it. Pulled the lawyer card out of fear and they backed off abit. Probably due to the other people at the bus stop as well.

And when the bus arrived, even though it was the wrong sort to the wrong destination, we got our arses on because street experience tells me I'd rather be safe than sorry you see.

Incident 2 happens just a couple of days later when I'm out on a spontaneous outing with this girl from my dinings and home town. We've gotten quite a great deal closer over the last few days because like I said before, fate is weird that way. Considering Korean boy was unable to attend the dining sessions and she was alone there that night too we just naturally clicked being Subang folk and all before going on many spontaneous adventures around the city. Guess I shall not preemptively presume what we are or where we're going but suffice to say on Sunday after a session at the Inns of Court we headed to Selfridges to look at brands far too expensive for either of us to really afford just to kill time and fantasize about the future.

Now this other randomer pops by as we're looking at some quirky overpriced designer products and tells us he's a fancy PHD student at LSE or something and acts all friendly. Us being polite decide to play along with his act when he offers for us to take down his number and before we realise it he's jamming it into the girl's cellphone before giving himself a call. Fuck me senseless, I must make a pretty shit straight boyfriend being unable to defend a girl from random twat-head here obviously hitting on her.

Then I did something spontaneous of course. I told him in these words, "I'm sure my wife and I would love to hang with you some time." whilst holding her close. Don't think he took us seriously but he went about his merry way after and she turned to me then.

"Wife? Not even girlfriend, but wife?"

And so I gave her a sort of cheeky smile, "Sorry but I just needed to cook up an excuse to make him sod off. Figured if you were my wife he'd be more apprehensive since people steal girl friends all the time."

She stares back into my eyes before saying, "Yea, quick thinking, Mrs <insert my surname here> it is then huh?" Before delivering her own cheeky smile. Heh, women.

PS: And yes obviously the creeper texts her and I suggest putting my profile picture on her Whatsapp to make him go away for abit. Let's see if that happens.

Girls I Would Not Date

Had myself a straight clubbing session for the first time in forever over the weekend in London and I must say entertainment is significantly more expensive than at the gay venues. Most of these fancy clubs have pretentious decor, small cramped dance floors and a crowd so dull it would do fuck all to cut butter with. That's a  pretty terrible analogous statement. So yes I turned down a night out to bend over with my bent friends for the chicks at my institution. It dawned on me though that despite one of them (lets call her A) being as smooth as Arabian Silk and presentable enough to turn heads, dating someone like her was just out of the question not due to my lack of social standing or charm (do I sound like a prick yet?).

Collectively I shall divide it into a number of incidents.

Incident 1:

Upon meeting a friend of a friend (C) whom was a somewhat average looker whom dressed less than fashionably:-

Me: So whereabouts do you study?
C: Oh, I'm a medical student at Cambridge.
A: Yes, she looks the part.

Now now, degrading someone like that doesn't just showcase an inflated ego. It also showcases a underlying current of insecurity. Snide comments like that reveal a hidden unpleasant character.

Incident 2:

A: Your hair cut is pretty bad, please fire your stylist.
Guy Friend: Well I'm fine with him thank you very much.
Me: I think he looks alright too.
A: Nah, he would look decent but for the hair. I can recommend you better.

Being honest is one thing, but attacking the male ego so directly? No thank you. Commentary on my fashion sense is not helping matters either.

Incident 3:

A: You guys are not drunk yet, let's open a bottle of posh champagne for the year's end.
Me: How much is it?
A: 350 pounds.
Me: I shall pass.
A: I'll just pay for it then.

Most men would be pretty damned happy at the prospect of women buying drinks but spending daddy's money excessively after everyone was already halfway tipsy isn't exactly the best impression to make. If a girl can spend daddy's cash in spades she can deplete her husband's coffers faster than a thirsty camel at a dessert oasis.

Incident 4:

Us: So ever had a relationship or boy friend before?
A: No, not any serious ones at least. The beneficial friends don't count.

Implied commitment issues, and no serious relationship after 22 years as a relatively attractive female does bleep the warning lights. Funny how women are held to different standards than men in my book. I almost sound like a proper douche.

And no, I don't have any issues against her but I certainly would not date someone like her. Arrogant men can be quite the turn off too as there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. Confidence is where you are overtly aware of your strengths but aren't obnoxiously shoving it down everyone's throats due to underlying humility. Arrogance is when there is a blatant superiority complex so vast it would fill up the Grand Canyon. Bitch session over.

The Clutz

Woke up early today and rushed to the station only to find out en route to uni that the advocacy session I had been preparing for the night before had been cancled due to some gaffe the tutor had with being unable to find a babysitter for her child. Bollocks these people. So the tired zombie that was I survived whatever remaining classes I had before rushing back for the comforts my bed would promise.

Was on the train when I spotted this cute Asian girl. Took a seat next to her, noticed her little travel book. Tourist then. Noticed the Hangul script on the book. Korean then, and all alone as a tourist. Briefly contemplated striking a conversation but my mind was a touch tired from the lack of sleep and I decided to see where she would stop off at first. Happy coincidence it was then that she got off at the same stop as I, probably to see the fancy European markets (their closest equivalent to our Pasar Malam) my general area of residence had.

So I got a tad distracted looking in her general direction, acting cool like an idiot and tapping my ticket to the exit side by side. Until someone started screaming that was. Turning around I noticed an elder British man in the midst of tripping over my elongated trolley suitcase. And falling. Fuck me, the embarrassment and fear I felt as I helped him get up. Threw me a long line of curses despite my apologies. Condescending stares by the gathering crowd. Korean girl was staring at the incident, gave me a quick smile and went about her merry way. God, silly me, but then again I couldn't reasonably be responsible for people choosing my bag to trip over considering its rush hour in the tube and congestion is a bitch.

Let's hope I don't get served a subsequent personal injury claim. The man seemed fine but he was mighty angry. Knowing this country people sue on some of the most minute and remotest things always blaming others for their own negligence. Fly kite la people, I'd rather pay a solicitors legal costs than for someone's blame game. But yea, maybe I should stop looking at girls in crowded areas next time myself heh heh.

The Girls of my Life (And Other Bi Matters)

Quite often in my life I've come across women that I've met just at the wrong times in that, whilst they evoked much emotional longing within me they were always already taken when I had known them. It's a shame really because a lot of times these taken women end up being very close friends with me that connect on quite a deep level. The thing however is they tend to be women of upright character (a trait that I admire) and would often times get a little uncomfortable once my affections became more obvious. There's underlying tension of course, they like me but they'd never cheat on their partners with me.

Not all that long ago I would have the mentality that I would win over these girls regardless of whom their partners were. I mean they were just boyfriends right, not husbands. Alls fair in love and war and all that crap. I remember a taken girl I once had strong affections for asking why I was never attached to a girlfriend all these years (at least beyond the puppy sorts that don't quite count). I'd reply that the ones I truly care about are always taken. I remember she said once that even though there was a goal keeper on the field, goals could still be scored. Heh, never understood if she was toying with me or implying something but it did strike me as a rather odd statement to make. I like her still to some degree of course, but I've put her back into the friends category.

The point I'm making however is I've kind of changed in the way I handle or will handle these scenarios. I don't think I'd go for another man's girl friend ever again (hopefully) considering that if I ever win her over, there will always be the insecurity that if she could cheat on him for me, she could cheat on me too. Then the issue of character would be questioned. The other issue is more personal. I was a victim of an emotional affair, oddly enough with a boy (the ex) or even a number of times with a couple of boys.

I know the pain and anguish first hand now that a innocent partner would face and I would never want that to befall anyone. It's nerve racking and painful when you realise your partner, whom once put you in the centre of their world, has become a hot and cold schizophrenic that hides details from you and has mysterious phone activities that forever dampen your mood. Fuck that, no one should ever have to be subject to that shit I've gone through.

But I've digressed, the topic is supposed to be on the girls of my life after all. This is a bi blog still I reckon. However regardless of whether my future partner is a man or woman, neither of them deserve to have the fear or apprehension of me leaving them for the other gender and much less the same gender as them. Being bisexual can be difficult considering the overwhelming degree of confusion, ethical issues and personal conflicts one has to deal with as well as discrimination by both homosexuals and heterosexuals. Yes gays do discriminate against bisexuals sadly by denying we even exist or by completely cutting us out of options and generalising us as always being potential ditchers in favour of women in the future. Heaven forbid I go down that path.