Reunion With The Dead

How do you react upon seeing someone who was once the love of your life reappear in your life after a full year? There was a great deal of mixed feelings and awkward moments but he eventually opened up to me. I tried to avoid the topic of relationships because the past should remain the past but you know it would eventually come to it. He still wouldn't tell me the reasons he left but at least we're talking. I guess that's more than enough for me. At least we're sorta friends again, if only marginally. And yes his boyfriend is deleting and blocking me from every chat network left in the system so fuck him.

When it came time to say good bye the old tears that I'd held back so long welled up. He hugged me, told me not to be sad anymore. How could I not, a part of me cared for him still. He was my first love after all, and here was London, the city we'd loved in and made our hopes and dreams in.

Apparently we're partying together tomorrow. I'm not sure it's a good thing. I've drank too much tonight already and my typing is becoming a tad shit but I'm trying my level best to type in a sane competent manner. I shouldn't have drunk this much, its making me miss him more than I need to and more than he deserves. Fuck I miss him. Tonight just confirms it.

I hope we don't end up fucking though. I can't take this level of emotional crazy. I'm sorta taken after all, I need to cut my links with the past but here I am in London with the ex doing the stupid shit I only dreamed off when we broke up a year ago. So help me, we shall not fuck because it'd complicate things. Please. Please.

I love you still.

Update: Nah actually I don't. Must stop writing drunken posts.