Apologies for the stagnation and decay of the blog but the vicissitudes of life will sometimes take precedent. Combined with a severe case of writer's block and a disgusting workload it's no shocker that there are bound to be limited updates. Not that I am disappointing anyone tangible given my silent reader base. They're there, lurking just ever quietly so I can slip up and write my mouth off. Not today.
I am returning for the first Chinese New Year's in a long long while. The heart quivers with anticipation and longing to finally be able to see my kin, my closest and dearest once again. Every year Chinese New Year has been marred with exams and the shitty weather dear Britain is all too happy to throw my way.
This year I've been graced by forces beyond my control or comprehension with a week long holiday combined with my generous weekends to allow for a quick excursion back. Bloody joy I'd say. I've had my appointment cards filled to the brim and I'm just glad I can see the Australian students for a change given their inverse seasons and schedules of being on the wrong half of the hemisphere. I jest bitches, calm your tits.
Speaking of Australian students there will be one in particular I would be honoured to meet. It's been a long time coming, but I hope I will live up to expectations and we'd mingle like we always do. I still care, I'm still excited in my own way but we all have our apprehensions now don't we? Conveniently I'll be home for Valentines so no lovey dovey celebrations in London I'm afraid, but who needs setting over an individual to share it with eh? Potentially of course, can't forget the disclaimers. One can only hope the feeling's still mutual.
The course is kicking into full gear now, they don't grant holidays without demanding some blood and God damn it are they sending fire and brimstone my way. You buy your holidays with proper sweat and tears I'm afraid. That doesn't mean my social life has to take a complete hike of course, it just means I get to feel that much guiltier after.
This recent weekend was a rather interesting one with the UK's largest federation of Malaysian students organising this big conference like they'd always do year in and out where political big wigs, social activists, and corporate high horses get to prance around on stage and dispense in fancy dialogue whilst students fire away with questions. Last year even had the Seksualiti Merdeka's activist Pang Khee Teik talking which I thought was a rather bold move.
This year was supposed to have some ministers duking it out but with the elections being so close no political party would take the risk of leaving the country. At least we had ourselves Raja Petra, charming heh. Probably best for me to leave my politics out of this blog before all and sundry know my identity. But yes, the event was good I would say, occupied my weekend with more worries and irritations from home.
I think I've indulged myself sufficiently now and quenched my guilt with this obligatory blog post. I shall now have to appease the guilt of more procrastinated work piling. I wonder if I'd be a bigger success story if I channeled my skills in an organised and structured fashion. I guess I would not be me then if that were the case now eh. Hope this blog doesn't end up in hibernation again.
Monday, 28 January 2013
Thursday, 17 January 2013
Rape
The call came in at 7 in the morning just as I was finally going to get myself some shut eye. I knew I couldn't deny a friend in need, not now after all I'd come to know. He came in weary, tired, deflated. The spirit had dimmed in his eyes. And then he relayed his story. His shame. His guilt.
Rape against women is a subject that has been extensively studied and the female victim often receives extensive support from society at large and their family and friends. But male victims are often hushed up, silenced and relegated to the sidelines. They bear their burdens in abject silence, and fear, alone and sullen.
Here was a friend who bore the marks, whom had suffered greatly. It has been a month since the attack, and his confidence, self esteem and worth had been utterly shattered. I consoled as best I could, I learned of the near suicidal attempts to jump into the River Thames and I could only imagine the horrors and trepidations of the victim. Imagine, but never fully comprehend.
Rape fantasies are one thing, but at least I always knew I still had control. In the brief periods in my bedsheet trysts whenever I thought a man would not stop, I'd always have a brief flicker of fear but it would always calm down when they backed down and everything would relegate to good simple fun. Not my friend though, no. Held down against his will, drunk and bewildered by a stronger conscious man he could only submit. There was very nearly chloroform involved in the attempt and he could only pray he would come out in one piece alive by the night's end. His saving grace was that the bareback entry had not ended in a climax, and he had quietly snuck out when the bastard fell asleep.
This is a precautionary tale, of why you do not leave your friends alone at the club or bar especially after a night out when everyone is pissed drunk. Its a shame really that the westerners don't take greater care of their friends in times like these. And it alarms me that the rapist was an East Asian man whom perpetrated this violent sexual assault, bareback if I might add, on my white friend. It shows that the face of evil know no bounds and could be anyone.
I tried encouraging him to make his police report, to prosecute the monster in court. But the things we learn about the victims in criminal classes just rung true. The fear, the fatigue, the intimidation of facing the attacker once more. All of this stood to silence the victims into quiet submission. How tragic. But if I could inspire in him one thing, from all these events, it would be to press formal charges and put this monster behind bars and realise that he has played his part in saving others from becoming victims in the future and would restore at least some self worth once more.
No time for petty love triangles at this time, right now I have a friend in need.
Rape against women is a subject that has been extensively studied and the female victim often receives extensive support from society at large and their family and friends. But male victims are often hushed up, silenced and relegated to the sidelines. They bear their burdens in abject silence, and fear, alone and sullen.
Here was a friend who bore the marks, whom had suffered greatly. It has been a month since the attack, and his confidence, self esteem and worth had been utterly shattered. I consoled as best I could, I learned of the near suicidal attempts to jump into the River Thames and I could only imagine the horrors and trepidations of the victim. Imagine, but never fully comprehend.
Rape fantasies are one thing, but at least I always knew I still had control. In the brief periods in my bedsheet trysts whenever I thought a man would not stop, I'd always have a brief flicker of fear but it would always calm down when they backed down and everything would relegate to good simple fun. Not my friend though, no. Held down against his will, drunk and bewildered by a stronger conscious man he could only submit. There was very nearly chloroform involved in the attempt and he could only pray he would come out in one piece alive by the night's end. His saving grace was that the bareback entry had not ended in a climax, and he had quietly snuck out when the bastard fell asleep.
This is a precautionary tale, of why you do not leave your friends alone at the club or bar especially after a night out when everyone is pissed drunk. Its a shame really that the westerners don't take greater care of their friends in times like these. And it alarms me that the rapist was an East Asian man whom perpetrated this violent sexual assault, bareback if I might add, on my white friend. It shows that the face of evil know no bounds and could be anyone.
I tried encouraging him to make his police report, to prosecute the monster in court. But the things we learn about the victims in criminal classes just rung true. The fear, the fatigue, the intimidation of facing the attacker once more. All of this stood to silence the victims into quiet submission. How tragic. But if I could inspire in him one thing, from all these events, it would be to press formal charges and put this monster behind bars and realise that he has played his part in saving others from becoming victims in the future and would restore at least some self worth once more.
No time for petty love triangles at this time, right now I have a friend in need.
Saturday, 5 January 2013
Living the New Years
Had myself a short hiatus as I was over in the Netherlands and some other Euro countries for abit. What happens in Amsterdam stays in Amsterdam as they say. I must say I was relatively well behaved over there which is quite the contrary of what people go to Sin City for. Oh well. I came out to my other close friend throughout the trip because I grew tired of whispering with the other travel buddy about boys and just decided to fuck it. If close friends still mind after all these years of knowing me they don't deserve to be friends of mine. So yea, I was just glad they were so accepting and I could just be open about meeting boys over Jack'd whilst on travels without coming up with creative excuses.
New Years was a bit of a nightmare because we had all gone to see fireworks by the London Eye. An old primary school classmate joined us this time around and she asked me a few times if I was slightly bent. Am I getting more obvious with age? She has hinted some liking for me otherwise, even shared the same bed on the last night although nothing happened. That'd be a barrel of controversy if people knew heh.
Oh yes New Years was supposed to be fireworks then dragging my straight friends for a round of gay clubbing in London because they are open enough for that. Unfortunately the promoters at Heaven were slightly hostile that night and gave the gays a bad name in my friend's eyes. Asked me to fuck off it seems. Maybe cause I was with girls? Well fuck you too. Clubs were all full anyway since we were being retarded pre drinking till pretty late at my crib.
And yes hell broke lose after the fireworks when everyone began pushing and shoving to go home. My female friend nearly got attacked by some assholes in the crowd and I had to hug her tight as we waded a wall of human traffic. A couple of dicks wanted to start a fight with me too but fortunately I managed to evade conflict there. Wouldn't want to bring the Bar into disrepute now even though fighting legal providers would be awesome.
Jumping ahead of time for abit, had myself some exams yesterday before heading out to celebrate a birthday party with some colleagues. Was walking back around Chinatown when we took a bend around this gay bar there to get on the trains home. And I just had to bump into some gay friends, bugger me. Thought my friend was going to kiss me there in public with my colleagues there so I gave a very direct stare and he nodded before just giving me a hand shake. Think my fellow lawyers noticed my immediate tension since I was shaking hands with random boys outside a famous gay bar. Shit. But I had legit worries since this fellow had a tendency to give me random kisses all the damn time anyway.
So after splitting with my straight mates I naturally returned to the gay bar and apologized for my slight awkwardness. Next thing I know I'm at Heaven again and bumping into some Korean guy I used to go on date movies with. And yes everything thereafter becomes abit of a blur as the alcohol worked its way into my system. Go imagine what happens.
Finally a toast to 2012, one of the best and worst years of my life. The year I grew in influence, the year I graduated, the year I found love, the year I entered professional training, the year I became a political activist, the year I had my heart broken, and the year I found myself. Wherever you are now my first love, I wish you all the best.
New Years was a bit of a nightmare because we had all gone to see fireworks by the London Eye. An old primary school classmate joined us this time around and she asked me a few times if I was slightly bent. Am I getting more obvious with age? She has hinted some liking for me otherwise, even shared the same bed on the last night although nothing happened. That'd be a barrel of controversy if people knew heh.
Oh yes New Years was supposed to be fireworks then dragging my straight friends for a round of gay clubbing in London because they are open enough for that. Unfortunately the promoters at Heaven were slightly hostile that night and gave the gays a bad name in my friend's eyes. Asked me to fuck off it seems. Maybe cause I was with girls? Well fuck you too. Clubs were all full anyway since we were being retarded pre drinking till pretty late at my crib.
And yes hell broke lose after the fireworks when everyone began pushing and shoving to go home. My female friend nearly got attacked by some assholes in the crowd and I had to hug her tight as we waded a wall of human traffic. A couple of dicks wanted to start a fight with me too but fortunately I managed to evade conflict there. Wouldn't want to bring the Bar into disrepute now even though fighting legal providers would be awesome.
Jumping ahead of time for abit, had myself some exams yesterday before heading out to celebrate a birthday party with some colleagues. Was walking back around Chinatown when we took a bend around this gay bar there to get on the trains home. And I just had to bump into some gay friends, bugger me. Thought my friend was going to kiss me there in public with my colleagues there so I gave a very direct stare and he nodded before just giving me a hand shake. Think my fellow lawyers noticed my immediate tension since I was shaking hands with random boys outside a famous gay bar. Shit. But I had legit worries since this fellow had a tendency to give me random kisses all the damn time anyway.
So after splitting with my straight mates I naturally returned to the gay bar and apologized for my slight awkwardness. Next thing I know I'm at Heaven again and bumping into some Korean guy I used to go on date movies with. And yes everything thereafter becomes abit of a blur as the alcohol worked its way into my system. Go imagine what happens.
Finally a toast to 2012, one of the best and worst years of my life. The year I grew in influence, the year I graduated, the year I found love, the year I entered professional training, the year I became a political activist, the year I had my heart broken, and the year I found myself. Wherever you are now my first love, I wish you all the best.
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