The clock struck 12 and another birthday passed me by. It was so very different this time around, and it took be a moment to believe a full year had gone already. I remember the previous birthday being spent with me carrying tables and chairs in the north for some career event and feeling the bitchiness and pervasive politics of the student body I was associated with. But at the end of the day I still had my friends, I still had my small meaningful parties, and I still had him.
The ex was a sweet heart of course, he surprised me in London the very next day with a booking in a posh hotel in Leicester Square. He had a bottle of champagne ready and alot of love in his eyes and from his heart. I'd bashfully giggle myself silly as he'd sweep me off my feet and lay me there in the covers overlooking the city below. And for one night all my troubles were put to rest and there was no more politics, no more bitchiness, or stress, or worries about bloody career fairs and debate competitions. Just us, in solace, in love high above the pretty London lights.
A year later, I'm sitting here in my room studying for an exam that's eclipsed my heart and soul. I've been emotionally dead for the last couple of weeks. But when the clock struck twelve I suddenly remembered. Then I opened an email from mother and father and I read their words telling me how I was the best thing to have happened to their lives and how much they really loved me no matter what. I broke down suddenly, I didn't know why. I guess it suddenly hit me how alone I felt, in this cold room, friends bunkering down for the coming exam storms and the people that love me being thousands of miles away. It's been awhile since I let myself feel this way, which is rather funny when you think of it since I was crying as I had when I was first born years ago. In a way I was going back to my roots.
I honestly haven't felt anything for the ex in a long long time, but tonight is just one of those nights when I reminisce and recalled a time when I was once loved in this far away city of sound and lights. Doc, I guess a part of me loves you still. How did you ever let me go?
That's life I guess, sometimes we will never have the closure we want or deserve. And we'll just have to face the dawn as we always do. Step by step, chest high, resolute and firm. I'll find you again someday.
Edit: And he deletes me from Skype for the birthday. Guess this truly is the end. No more bridges, no more links. Goodbye.
Wednesday, 27 March 2013
Monday, 25 March 2013
That Long Forgotten Road
I chanced upon that road gone by,
That ceaseless void of hue and cry,
How I'd pondered where it once had led,
It's winding roads where my heart had bled.
Trepidation, fear and hallowed hearts,
Filled my senses like needle shards,
Where once was whole it now was lost,
In London's bitter winter frost.
Lo' behold what I had gained,
A steady footing, of life and fame,
Trade it all with disarray,
That I might see you again some day.
Back turned, rigid and stout you'd be,
Beside that oaken Christmas tree,
You'd walk a step or two away,
I'd wonder if my voice still held some sway.
No I'd rather never meet again,
Old wounds of throbbing numbed out pain,
And yet you know I never left,
Since my heart fell prey to your brazen theft.
I look at the stars, I look to the sky,
Has so much time really passed us by?
Indeed it has, but I felt not distress,
For what you had given me once, I truly felt blessed.
When you leave let me know, I would let you go.
For I have loved you so.
7 months soon.
That ceaseless void of hue and cry,
How I'd pondered where it once had led,
It's winding roads where my heart had bled.
Trepidation, fear and hallowed hearts,
Filled my senses like needle shards,
Where once was whole it now was lost,
In London's bitter winter frost.
Lo' behold what I had gained,
A steady footing, of life and fame,
Trade it all with disarray,
That I might see you again some day.
Back turned, rigid and stout you'd be,
Beside that oaken Christmas tree,
You'd walk a step or two away,
I'd wonder if my voice still held some sway.
No I'd rather never meet again,
Old wounds of throbbing numbed out pain,
And yet you know I never left,
Since my heart fell prey to your brazen theft.
I look at the stars, I look to the sky,
Has so much time really passed us by?
Indeed it has, but I felt not distress,
For what you had given me once, I truly felt blessed.
When you leave let me know, I would let you go.
For I have loved you so.
7 months soon.
Wednesday, 20 March 2013
Crunch Time
It's the exam season again. Hopefully the last series of exams in my life before I enter my professional career. They couldn't have picked a worse possible moment to have examinations considering its the Easter holidays and everyone else is going about their merry way around the world on jolly cruise ships and jungle expeditions while we slog it off here in bitter cold London. Yes it's snowing again and March is ending. Someone tell the Weather man to take a hike and realise it's spring for God's sake.
I've been watching a British legal series called Silk recently to keep me motivated. It's like the UK's more kickass version of Suits. So damn British, so damn awesome I must say. Focuses on the lives and politics of barristers and their inexperienced pupils. Shit, I can imagine myself in the tight spots these characters constantly find themselves a part of sometime soon. Cutthroat, competitive, politically charged line of work. I think I may like it yet.
I'm looking forward to the first week of April being over with before I indulge in what is left of my life here in London relatively free from most exams. Had myself a chat with the Korean shortly before the exams hit. Finally mustered the balls to ask what I meant to him. I guess my ambiguity and pussyfooting cost me again. Then again he did mention that he'd be leaving for Seoul in mere months and wouldn't want to enter into a Stopwatch relationship.
Fair enough, he's an ambitious lad anyway what with his multiple financial assets and companies awaiting him. Makes me feel slightly under accomplished when I'm a mere ten days younger than he is. Then again most upper middle class Malaysians are so pampered and taken care of by their parents that they hardly need to adapt all that much anyway. Least he still considers me a good friend, wonder if that includes benefits too.
Meanwhile if the girl from my previous post is still up for it then London isn't so bad a place still. Maybe another series of court visits might be in order. Preferably a murder trial or sexual offence for a change. Fraud cases get terribly dull after awhile. Got to go visit some prisons and bring enlightenment to the damned sometime soon as well. Bugger me with the relentless poor schedule I'm meted.
And meanwhile I've got myself a roommate that finally moved in. I live in this Studio apartment you see which is shared with two beds but I've lucked out thus far by not having any roommates for very long. So the house is free for my visitors although you have to climb ladders to get into my bed. Not the most romantic setting I assure you, bloody awkward half the time. Fortune smiled yet again as he's moving out almost as soon as he moved in, not due to me being weird or anything, he just can't stand the ladders and ceilings. Fair enough, means I get my bachelor pad back. Can't complain la, despite the shitty schedules life is good. I guess. Ah what the hell, life is good.
I've been watching a British legal series called Silk recently to keep me motivated. It's like the UK's more kickass version of Suits. So damn British, so damn awesome I must say. Focuses on the lives and politics of barristers and their inexperienced pupils. Shit, I can imagine myself in the tight spots these characters constantly find themselves a part of sometime soon. Cutthroat, competitive, politically charged line of work. I think I may like it yet.
I'm looking forward to the first week of April being over with before I indulge in what is left of my life here in London relatively free from most exams. Had myself a chat with the Korean shortly before the exams hit. Finally mustered the balls to ask what I meant to him. I guess my ambiguity and pussyfooting cost me again. Then again he did mention that he'd be leaving for Seoul in mere months and wouldn't want to enter into a Stopwatch relationship.
Fair enough, he's an ambitious lad anyway what with his multiple financial assets and companies awaiting him. Makes me feel slightly under accomplished when I'm a mere ten days younger than he is. Then again most upper middle class Malaysians are so pampered and taken care of by their parents that they hardly need to adapt all that much anyway. Least he still considers me a good friend, wonder if that includes benefits too.
Meanwhile if the girl from my previous post is still up for it then London isn't so bad a place still. Maybe another series of court visits might be in order. Preferably a murder trial or sexual offence for a change. Fraud cases get terribly dull after awhile. Got to go visit some prisons and bring enlightenment to the damned sometime soon as well. Bugger me with the relentless poor schedule I'm meted.
And meanwhile I've got myself a roommate that finally moved in. I live in this Studio apartment you see which is shared with two beds but I've lucked out thus far by not having any roommates for very long. So the house is free for my visitors although you have to climb ladders to get into my bed. Not the most romantic setting I assure you, bloody awkward half the time. Fortune smiled yet again as he's moving out almost as soon as he moved in, not due to me being weird or anything, he just can't stand the ladders and ceilings. Fair enough, means I get my bachelor pad back. Can't complain la, despite the shitty schedules life is good. I guess. Ah what the hell, life is good.
Monday, 11 March 2013
Misadventures
I think I have a magnetic personality. I have a tendency to attract weirdness and misadventures my way and towards the people around me. Take this incident at the bus stop in a dodgy street in London one night. Was sending a friend off one night yes when this gang of fuck knows what ethnicity approaches us and one of these randomers begin striking up a conversation. Not sure if he's plain bored waiting for the bus to arrive or just finds himself having a strong compulsive need to talk to young Asian boys.
So he asks us what we're up to yes, where are we off to and whether clubbing is our sort of thing. Malaysians and Singaporeans and hell Asians in general usually just entertain these gestures cause we don't want to be impolite you see. Under normal circumstances I'd ask the creeper to bugger off but since he's being "nice" to us we decided to give quasi affirmative responses. Despite being a tad uncomfortable in the dimly lit bus stop at night.
Out of nowhere his even creepier friend nudges his way under our umbrella to claim shelter from the rain around us. At this juncture I was getting a tad crossed that he was starting to invade my personal space so I told him to sod off to the bus shelter just beside us. But he insists on standing with us and proceeds to grab my hand and lift the umbrella higher when I pull from his grip and threaten legal action on him. What was I to do, the buggers were either high, pissing on Asians or just plain harassing me by that point and I wasn't going to have anything to do with it. Pulled the lawyer card out of fear and they backed off abit. Probably due to the other people at the bus stop as well.
And when the bus arrived, even though it was the wrong sort to the wrong destination, we got our arses on because street experience tells me I'd rather be safe than sorry you see.
Incident 2 happens just a couple of days later when I'm out on a spontaneous outing with this girl from my dinings and home town. We've gotten quite a great deal closer over the last few days because like I said before, fate is weird that way. Considering Korean boy was unable to attend the dining sessions and she was alone there that night too we just naturally clicked being Subang folk and all before going on many spontaneous adventures around the city. Guess I shall not preemptively presume what we are or where we're going but suffice to say on Sunday after a session at the Inns of Court we headed to Selfridges to look at brands far too expensive for either of us to really afford just to kill time and fantasize about the future.
Now this other randomer pops by as we're looking at some quirky overpriced designer products and tells us he's a fancy PHD student at LSE or something and acts all friendly. Us being polite decide to play along with his act when he offers for us to take down his number and before we realise it he's jamming it into the girl's cellphone before giving himself a call. Fuck me senseless, I must make a pretty shit straight boyfriend being unable to defend a girl from random twat-head here obviously hitting on her.
Then I did something spontaneous of course. I told him in these words, "I'm sure my wife and I would love to hang with you some time." whilst holding her close. Don't think he took us seriously but he went about his merry way after and she turned to me then.
"Wife? Not even girlfriend, but wife?"
And so I gave her a sort of cheeky smile, "Sorry but I just needed to cook up an excuse to make him sod off. Figured if you were my wife he'd be more apprehensive since people steal girl friends all the time."
She stares back into my eyes before saying, "Yea, quick thinking, Mrs <insert my surname here> it is then huh?" Before delivering her own cheeky smile. Heh, women.
PS: And yes obviously the creeper texts her and I suggest putting my profile picture on her Whatsapp to make him go away for abit. Let's see if that happens.
So he asks us what we're up to yes, where are we off to and whether clubbing is our sort of thing. Malaysians and Singaporeans and hell Asians in general usually just entertain these gestures cause we don't want to be impolite you see. Under normal circumstances I'd ask the creeper to bugger off but since he's being "nice" to us we decided to give quasi affirmative responses. Despite being a tad uncomfortable in the dimly lit bus stop at night.
Out of nowhere his even creepier friend nudges his way under our umbrella to claim shelter from the rain around us. At this juncture I was getting a tad crossed that he was starting to invade my personal space so I told him to sod off to the bus shelter just beside us. But he insists on standing with us and proceeds to grab my hand and lift the umbrella higher when I pull from his grip and threaten legal action on him. What was I to do, the buggers were either high, pissing on Asians or just plain harassing me by that point and I wasn't going to have anything to do with it. Pulled the lawyer card out of fear and they backed off abit. Probably due to the other people at the bus stop as well.
And when the bus arrived, even though it was the wrong sort to the wrong destination, we got our arses on because street experience tells me I'd rather be safe than sorry you see.
Incident 2 happens just a couple of days later when I'm out on a spontaneous outing with this girl from my dinings and home town. We've gotten quite a great deal closer over the last few days because like I said before, fate is weird that way. Considering Korean boy was unable to attend the dining sessions and she was alone there that night too we just naturally clicked being Subang folk and all before going on many spontaneous adventures around the city. Guess I shall not preemptively presume what we are or where we're going but suffice to say on Sunday after a session at the Inns of Court we headed to Selfridges to look at brands far too expensive for either of us to really afford just to kill time and fantasize about the future.
Now this other randomer pops by as we're looking at some quirky overpriced designer products and tells us he's a fancy PHD student at LSE or something and acts all friendly. Us being polite decide to play along with his act when he offers for us to take down his number and before we realise it he's jamming it into the girl's cellphone before giving himself a call. Fuck me senseless, I must make a pretty shit straight boyfriend being unable to defend a girl from random twat-head here obviously hitting on her.
Then I did something spontaneous of course. I told him in these words, "I'm sure my wife and I would love to hang with you some time." whilst holding her close. Don't think he took us seriously but he went about his merry way after and she turned to me then.
"Wife? Not even girlfriend, but wife?"
And so I gave her a sort of cheeky smile, "Sorry but I just needed to cook up an excuse to make him sod off. Figured if you were my wife he'd be more apprehensive since people steal girl friends all the time."
She stares back into my eyes before saying, "Yea, quick thinking, Mrs <insert my surname here> it is then huh?" Before delivering her own cheeky smile. Heh, women.
PS: And yes obviously the creeper texts her and I suggest putting my profile picture on her Whatsapp to make him go away for abit. Let's see if that happens.
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