Past and Present

I've disappeared for quite some time now, that much I know. Perhaps it was by design. I've returned to my homeland, Malaysia. My heart's conflicted, having spent a considerable time in the UK I find myself now abit of a stranger in my own land, my own home. Things have changed, people, circumstances, places. I'd have to find myself again here having grown accustomed to my lifestyle in distant shores.

The first thing I gave up was a degree of my freedom. Being your typical Asian youth I still stay with my parents, a great source of shame in the West by this time period I reckon. I had to readjust to the fact that I couldn't quite have myself reliable public transport or take casual strolls around from point to point considering how unfriendly the roads in this country are to pedestrians in general.

My life has been a series of ups and downs since I've returned. On some matters I've truly been blessed, and where I've fallen in other matters I've chosen to see it as a test, and a series of lessons needed for me to appreciate the challenges life has in store for me. If everything came easy I would surely take far too many things for granted.

This year has been flying by at a pace so rapid I am beginning to feel a sense of mortality creeping down my spine. It's nearly ended in a blink of an eye and it truly seemed like just yesterday I was watching fireworks in London with some close friends, holding her in my arms as we waded through hostile rowdy crowds.

2013 has been mostly a year of reflection, of great inner turmoil and eventual closing of chapters and repentance. I met a variety of characters from my past, the boys that meant the most to me and made the greatest impacts. I bade them farewell truly one by one. Even the ex who had haunted my dreams and seared so deeply a wound within my unbound heart has made peace with me and I him. It's almost surreal as 2013 marks the closing chapters of my summer 2011 romances, the summer of my life.

So as I put away the fading memories and lost dreams of the soon to be yesteryear, I look forward to the oncoming new year with a sense of renewed purpose and hope. Truly have I fallen in some ways, failing to achieve a number of crucial goals but on the bright side, other opportunities have knocked my way. Opportunities that come only once in a lifetime, some of which a great many people would never ever get. It is then that I realised in this mixed bag of good and ill that was 2013 I had truly been granted a journey most blessed in its nature.

Verily, I know now the path that lies before me. Despite the disappointments and repeated heart aches I stand now a little stronger, a little wiser and at peace with myself to a certain degree more than I ever was the year through. I am sorry for my failures mom and dad, for truly I mean only to bring pride and glory to our house. But though I may stumble and fall, in time I truly believe I will join my peers in the sun. In time I will bring justice to those that deserve it. This much I vow, and so help me "god" that much shall I strive towards. And may it some day come about.

To the future, come what may.