Just One of Those Nights

It's one of those nights that I look back and reflect on life and we're we've arrived at and what we've become. You're in Paris now, it brings back so many memories that city. Last year around this time I was there but you were having your finals in Edinburgh. I remember me spending my French nights calling you on Viber, gushing and giggling like a little school girl. You were so nervous about potentially failing an exam in front of the medical board.

I remember that year I walked up to the Eiffel Tower and looked down upon the city. I saw the sun set upon the beautiful French horizon and wished then that you could see it with me. What a view it was. Fast forward a year later, you're viewing that same horizon but without me now. I wonder, do I cross your mind and haunt your thoughts with dreams of yesteryear?

I saw your Jack'd profile of course. I always knew it was you despite your lack of pictures. My gut feeling just led me to it and to you. You don't spend nearly 300 days talking day in and out with someone without their little quirks or habits registering with you. The subtleties of their writing styles and little unsaid attitudes.

It's interesting, I've spent all of May and the greater whole of June not thinking of you. But like all dead people, we occasionally reminisce about them. I hate you, I love you simultaneously. I reckon its a mental illness I'll carry with me to the end of my days.

I think after all my antics I've burned any hope of reconciliation by now. We'd probably never talk again in the near future or ever. But these dreams, these pictures and final moments. Everything from the sensual, the emotional, the sexual, it will haunt us from now till the hereafter.

Like that final menage-a-trois, or that final meal, or that final kiss. I still feel it in my bones, and quiver from time to time.

I hate to say it, but I'll always love you. Even when I hate you. And even when you hate me. The Lord told me once to not fight hatred with hate after all. That's the least I can do before I lost myself and you.