Flirty Rebounds?

Recently two friends of mine whom I club with at Heaven (one of London's largest gay clubs) on a semi regular basis have just broken up. I'm a little sad of course because they made the cutest couple, both of them being cute and delivering couple kisses to me from time to time on the dance floor. The thought of not seeing them together again to entertain me on Saturday nights disturbed me a little. I was on rather talkative terms with the top guy whom I shall name A although I found the bottom guy a rather attractive lad that was more my type whom I shall name B (as appropriate). A comes from Macau and B comes from Hong Kong and they speak predominantly Cantonese but they're polite enough to revert to English for the banana that is me.

Apparently the issue is that A tends to be a flirt, abit on the naughty side, that gets a little too friendly with other boys for B's liking. B is more loyal settled boyfriend that wants commitment sort. They both however have always been pretty wild just for me, maybe due to a combination of drunkness and physical attraction. I wouldn't know.

It seems B has had enough of A's naughtiness though and has finally decided to walk away. A has been messaging me from time to time in a slightly flirtatious manner for some time now although I have always deflected the attention because I don't do attached boys and I certainly don't want to be the cause of hurt for any of my friends.

Nonetheless he is rather persistent in calling me over for a chat and a hug. Seems like he just needs some comfort to go into denial mode to get over the pain. I might be tempted for an easy screw with a relatively attractive boy but I don't think its right for me to do such things with a friend who has recently broken up especially when his ex is also a friend of mine. I know I'd be pissed if shenanigans like that happened to me and an ex was finding solace in physical intimacy with another (wait that might have already happened, sheesh).

I think I'll just meet him in a public place for dinner to talk like how friends would talk and purely talk. I don't need random tongues down my throat to fulfill an innate carnal desire or to put out a stinging emotional pain. Fuck no, I'm no one's boy toy. I'm just someone that tries to be a good friend for those in need, just like people have been for me.

I don't believe in rebounds, been there and got burnt before (a story for another time). Too much emotional baggage, too much commitment issues and unassuaged fears and mental disorders that have yet to be tackled. Best to sort out our personal shit first before loving another again. Till then though, rebound guy can stay the fuck away from me and I'll stay the fuck away from him where emotions and sex are concerned. Tee hee.

The Girls of my Life (And Other Bi Matters)

Quite often in my life I've come across women that I've met just at the wrong times in that, whilst they evoked much emotional longing within me they were always already taken when I had known them. It's a shame really because a lot of times these taken women end up being very close friends with me that connect on quite a deep level. The thing however is they tend to be women of upright character (a trait that I admire) and would often times get a little uncomfortable once my affections became more obvious. There's underlying tension of course, they like me but they'd never cheat on their partners with me.

Not all that long ago I would have the mentality that I would win over these girls regardless of whom their partners were. I mean they were just boyfriends right, not husbands. Alls fair in love and war and all that crap. I remember a taken girl I once had strong affections for asking why I was never attached to a girlfriend all these years (at least beyond the puppy sorts that don't quite count). I'd reply that the ones I truly care about are always taken. I remember she said once that even though there was a goal keeper on the field, goals could still be scored. Heh, never understood if she was toying with me or implying something but it did strike me as a rather odd statement to make. I like her still to some degree of course, but I've put her back into the friends category.

The point I'm making however is I've kind of changed in the way I handle or will handle these scenarios. I don't think I'd go for another man's girl friend ever again (hopefully) considering that if I ever win her over, there will always be the insecurity that if she could cheat on him for me, she could cheat on me too. Then the issue of character would be questioned. The other issue is more personal. I was a victim of an emotional affair, oddly enough with a boy (the ex) or even a number of times with a couple of boys.

I know the pain and anguish first hand now that a innocent partner would face and I would never want that to befall anyone. It's nerve racking and painful when you realise your partner, whom once put you in the centre of their world, has become a hot and cold schizophrenic that hides details from you and has mysterious phone activities that forever dampen your mood. Fuck that, no one should ever have to be subject to that shit I've gone through.

But I've digressed, the topic is supposed to be on the girls of my life after all. This is a bi blog still I reckon. However regardless of whether my future partner is a man or woman, neither of them deserve to have the fear or apprehension of me leaving them for the other gender and much less the same gender as them. Being bisexual can be difficult considering the overwhelming degree of confusion, ethical issues and personal conflicts one has to deal with as well as discrimination by both homosexuals and heterosexuals. Yes gays do discriminate against bisexuals sadly by denying we even exist or by completely cutting us out of options and generalising us as always being potential ditchers in favour of women in the future. Heaven forbid I go down that path.