Things I Learned From My Last Relationship

I just thought I'd fill in my thoughts in written form before I lose them forever. I had just had my first serious relationship (from either gender) come crashing down on me not too long ago and it taught me a number of key lessons actually. It made me aware of what it means to be in love, what I really want in life and what I want in my partners. Being knee deep in love with someone that cares (once) for you can really open your eyes to a whole new experience.

For one I realise now the true importance of trust and commitment. Without those two ingredients the relationship is living on borrowed time. Which means things like Grindr and Jack'd need to go. Those apps bring nothing but temptation and suspicion and hurt whilst a monogamous relationship is in session. Unless of course its a mutually agreed term I reckon. Still its my biggest mistake, and I'll never get those apps again if ever I end up in a relation for as long as that relation lasts (hopefully a lifetime for a change).

Secondly I realise the flaw with emphasizing my bi-sexual nature. It creates an immediate apprehension with my boys, and a sense of impermenance that I would eventually leave them for a girl. Fuck knows I've struggled with that dilemma for the longest time, taking into account my family's happiness over mine. Then one day it hit me, and I realised my own happiness has to count for something too. I can be a filial son and not necessarily have to marry a female or sire offspring (even the latter is something I would greatly appreciate). I have actually changed from a boy that had commitment issues to someone who could see himself married to a man I truly love and raising a family together. Stupid as it sounds, I contemplated marriage with the ex and I guess he was the first man that made me ever feel that strongly. I guess I don't have that apprehension anymore, and I need to be fair to my boys from now onwards. Maybe I really am turning gay.

And third, I came to realise that I am not as liberal as I thought I was. There's still that traditional streak of the old me lurking about in there. I'm not as cool with open relationships as I thought I'd be, considering I can still get jealous if I really cared about my partner enough. And threesomes piss me off more than I ever thought it would. Hell I was the one with all these cool ideas and when the chips come down to it, I realised I can't ever take seeing my partner screw the living day lights out of another. It's just too painful to bear. Too much info I reckon.

And above all else, to never take a partner for granted. Sometimes when we get comfortable we forget that our partners are still human and need to feel loved and appreciated from time to time. They might love you more than you love them but if they are unfulfilled they will seek other avenues elsewhere and eventually before you know it, the love story you never thought would end will abruptly come to a halt.

These points are all deeply personal of course. Bits and pieces of my mistakes linger, and I know for a fact I will strive never to repeat them again for my future partner. They deserve only the best from me, and I'll strive to be the best there is within my reasonable capacity.

We accept the love we think we deserve.