The Reject

I turned down a lad recently and he's not taking it too well it would seem. It begun as a platonic series of chats I would have over the Jack'd app like most of us usually would when he decides to add me over Skype and Whatsapp. Fair enough, I'm all for making friends and what not. Said person proceeds to message far beyond what constitutes friendly borders and I reply within the platonic confines I'm obligated to.

Then the kisses start coming in. Bloody hell, warning lights start going off there. I tend to be friendly and listen to people's problems and entertain them but sometimes these signals get mistaken for interest. No, just no. If I were interested I would have gone the extra mile by now. So I do what any sane, reasonable and moderately considerate human being would do at that time and tell him the truth, that I see him as a friend and that I have people in my life already.

So he goes into the whole "yes okay I understand" and "wish you guys the best" kind of tone and I would have thought the matter was settled. Until I start seeing all these passive aggressive statuses popping up all over the place on Skype and Whatsapp and even on Jack'd about how I broke his heart and led him on. You have got to be fucking me. Here are some gems to go by:

Someone like you, but better.

Should have seen it coming, should have seen him playing.

Just had my heart broken by a boy that led me on.

If your heart is being broken this easily you might want to reassess your general mental and emotional fortitude and start jogging it up to the level of a functional human being. I've been dumped unceremoniously by the love of my life for another and cut off from him altogether before. That's heartbreak. And I picked up the pieces and moved on and made something of my life. Don't wallow in self pity and guilt for fuck's sakes. We've never even met and have only talked over Skype once Jesus.

I obviously voice my displeasure at him and he then profusely apologizes and said it was made in the heat of his "anger and sadness". How dare you get angry at me over rejecting you? I have no obligation to give you anything especially having never developed feelings for you or leading you on to begin with. Goes into a tirade to justify his actions which I promptly ignore. And then finally he puts this new gem on his Skype today:

GONE. Not around any longer.

Good on you mate, that you need to tell all and sundry. Now sod off and leave me be. I've got enough on my plate with my course and with regards to my love life. I'm returning to see someone soon and need no further complications at the moment.

Of Overly Closeted People

So I was messaged on Jack'd the other day by this rather cute individual (good to know I still have market value) and me being human as I am responded naturally because we're all a little shallow inside. So the conversation was going relatively fine, although I noticed he had a tendency to deflect personal questions in a not so subtle way and considering his hidden face photos I had no doubt in my mind that he was someone knee deep in the closet. Did I mention I hate people deflecting questions I ask or outright ignoring them? Sorry, I digressed.

"Hey I'm super super discrete so I'll appreciate it if we could keep this between us." No shit Sherlock moment there.

Oddly enough he then decides to add me over Facebook, Whatsapp and Skype. We of course then have ourselves a Skype call naturally, whilst stalking each other's online profiles. He was better looking than I had initially thought, looked somewhat like an old flame of mine from one of those summers I had back in Malaysia. And then we had ourselves a brief call before he had to toss the trash. Funnily enough he had this to say:

"Hey whilst we were skyping I felt a little uncomfortable towards the way you talked like how you rolled your eyes or how you talked in a certain way. It wasn't really straight acting. Sorry to tell you this but I thought should be honest >.<"

"Hope you don't mind."

Mate you must be fucking kidding me, obviously I mind. Did you just directly question my masculinity? You do not insult the male ego to that extent and expect things to be fine. It's not that I can't act straight, I do. But obviously when I'm meeting a fellow gay lad on a private chat channel I'm not going to be overly formal or overly "straight". Guys that try too hard to "act straight" usually just come off as the biggest douchebags or tools imaginable. It's pretentious and I honestly hate posers, men that think they are all that but quite frankly aren't, their insecurity reeks through their excessive macho bravado.

Naturally I continue the conversation later as usual because he is hot (I'm shallow) and he could probably offer me benefits in some shape or form some time. Expendable human being. My douche side is showing fuck me. But yes this guy clearly had some issues considering he's never dated men in his life and only recently begun experimenting with them and realising he likes cock up his arse or arse up his cock. Get's super uncomfortable being seen with men and gets all edgy whenever I mention gay related topics even in the privacy of his own room due to his paranoia of eavesdropping housemates.

Jesus mate, sounds to me like you need therapy and a good few years of sorting yourself out before going anywhere near the gay world. I might be bi, but bisexuals of these sort are pretty damn hypocritical I'd say. Good enough to bed, not good enough to wed by all accounts. I reckon he thinks he's an alpha male of sorts (I attract these types for some reason) but he's most likely more akin to one of those fagbagsters we know Asia is famous for.

Seeing A Ghost

I was going to enjoy an awesome night at London's largest gay club "Heaven" last night with a couple of my mates when a ghost from the not so distant past popped out. So there I was with my white and Vietnamese friend (both being rather delectable) trying out one of those fancy exotic sushi restaurants in a corner of London. We were all jolly and happy with the food arriving spot on, and my appetite was ravenous. Then out of the corner of my eye I noticed a familiar face, a close friend of one whom I loved.

She pretended not to hear the first few times and then she finally acknowledged me. Then he appeared. Time stopped. It had been two months since I last saw him, since our final kiss at the station where I told him I loved him still. He just gave the most indifferent hello and looked away, face hardening. Why? I was in such a daze that I could scarcely react properly. Before I knew it they were out the door and gone. Maybe I should have ran after him, maybe I should have tried talking one last time. We were a good couple, 9 months of happiness and this bimbo pops out of the blue and I'm out of the door faster than I know it. Fuck me, he's virtually a girl.

I wasn't going to let that one incident spoil my night though. I partied hard in Heaven and bumped into this cute guy I met over summer in Subang. I kept it platonic back then of course considering I was in a relationship. But those barriers are not in place anymore so I am free to pursue if I need to. The ex can drink my birthday champagne and piss out all our memories down the toilet because that's evidently what I mean to him now. Him and his new lad can go have a merry life with their damned roses and cookies and it would mean fuck all to me now. God, I sound like a jealous bitch.

There was a time I believed things could still be salvaged, that we would stay friends or even end up together again. Life is no Disney fairy tale, that much I should have been aware of. He is dead to me now, my first love, the one I considered giving up my straight life for. I think my mind is clouded at the moment, maybe one day I'll calm my tits (probably tomorrow) and just become indifferent to whatever has happened once more. Goodbye Dr.K you have fun with your bright medical career and your new "woman". I can't be arsed.

I think a part of me loves you very deeply still. But it hurts too much, so I'll settle for hate instead.