Seeing A Ghost

I was going to enjoy an awesome night at London's largest gay club "Heaven" last night with a couple of my mates when a ghost from the not so distant past popped out. So there I was with my white and Vietnamese friend (both being rather delectable) trying out one of those fancy exotic sushi restaurants in a corner of London. We were all jolly and happy with the food arriving spot on, and my appetite was ravenous. Then out of the corner of my eye I noticed a familiar face, a close friend of one whom I loved.

She pretended not to hear the first few times and then she finally acknowledged me. Then he appeared. Time stopped. It had been two months since I last saw him, since our final kiss at the station where I told him I loved him still. He just gave the most indifferent hello and looked away, face hardening. Why? I was in such a daze that I could scarcely react properly. Before I knew it they were out the door and gone. Maybe I should have ran after him, maybe I should have tried talking one last time. We were a good couple, 9 months of happiness and this bimbo pops out of the blue and I'm out of the door faster than I know it. Fuck me, he's virtually a girl.

I wasn't going to let that one incident spoil my night though. I partied hard in Heaven and bumped into this cute guy I met over summer in Subang. I kept it platonic back then of course considering I was in a relationship. But those barriers are not in place anymore so I am free to pursue if I need to. The ex can drink my birthday champagne and piss out all our memories down the toilet because that's evidently what I mean to him now. Him and his new lad can go have a merry life with their damned roses and cookies and it would mean fuck all to me now. God, I sound like a jealous bitch.

There was a time I believed things could still be salvaged, that we would stay friends or even end up together again. Life is no Disney fairy tale, that much I should have been aware of. He is dead to me now, my first love, the one I considered giving up my straight life for. I think my mind is clouded at the moment, maybe one day I'll calm my tits (probably tomorrow) and just become indifferent to whatever has happened once more. Goodbye Dr.K you have fun with your bright medical career and your new "woman". I can't be arsed.

I think a part of me loves you very deeply still. But it hurts too much, so I'll settle for hate instead.