A Very Different Kind of Year

The clock struck 12 and another birthday passed me by. It was so very different this time around, and it took be a moment to believe a full year had gone already. I remember the previous birthday being spent with me carrying tables and chairs in the north for some career event and feeling the bitchiness and pervasive politics of the student body I was associated with. But at the end of the day I still had my friends, I still had my small meaningful parties, and I still had him.

The ex was a sweet heart of course, he surprised me in London the very next day with a booking in a posh hotel in Leicester Square. He had a bottle of champagne ready and alot of love in his eyes and from his heart. I'd bashfully giggle myself silly as he'd sweep me off my feet and lay me there in the covers overlooking the city below. And for one night all my troubles were put to rest and there was no more politics, no more bitchiness, or stress, or worries about bloody career fairs and debate competitions. Just us, in solace, in love high above the pretty London lights.

A year later, I'm sitting here in my room studying for an exam that's eclipsed my heart and soul. I've been emotionally dead for the last couple of weeks. But when the clock struck twelve I suddenly remembered. Then I opened an email from mother and father and I read their words telling me how I was the best thing to have happened to their lives and how much they really loved me no matter what. I broke down suddenly, I didn't know why. I guess it suddenly hit me how alone I felt, in this cold room, friends bunkering down for the coming exam storms and the people that love me being thousands of miles away. It's been awhile since I let myself feel this way, which is rather funny when you think of it since I was crying as I had when I was first born years ago. In a way I was going back to my roots.

I honestly haven't felt anything for the ex in a long long time, but tonight is just one of those nights when I reminisce and recalled a time when I was once loved in this far away city of sound and lights. Doc, I guess a part of me loves you still. How did you ever let me go?

That's life I guess, sometimes we will never have the closure we want or deserve. And we'll just have to face the dawn as we always do. Step by step, chest high, resolute and firm. I'll find you again someday.

Edit: And he deletes me from Skype for the birthday. Guess this truly is the end. No more bridges, no more links. Goodbye.