Western Etiquette (in Bed)

If there's one thing I've noticed, the natives here conduct their bed side manners in quite a different way from what I'm used to with Asians. For starters, there seems to be more inherent aggression. There always seems to be less foreplay and a more direct approach for genital stimulation. There also seems to be a lack of nipple stimulation where they are concerned.

Asians in bed generally tend to be subtler I find, they have an ebb and flow to their actions like a dance. There's that slight bit of holding back and giving in and pulling back or so I find. There's a more measured pace with a focus on the journey rather than the destination. Westerners however can't seem to wait to get your pants off and down themselves on your dick.

And then there's the bed side smack talk. There's alot of trash talk whilst Asians tend to stick more to moans and whimpers. Now British born Asians, they do all the above things the westerners seem to do in bed though. I find it a rather interesting observation, although I do find them a tad rough sometimes. There's also an element of domination weaved into the bed play, a relic of an imperialistic world view perhaps? (I kid you sensitive fuckers)

Either way, it's no surprise why I like my (authentic) Asian boys over the locals here, Asian or otherwise. Did I mention they taste different from us? Smell somewhat different too? Too much info? Not being racist, just a mere observation and a matter of preference really. Then again, I was never one to endorse generalizations and as such maybe this should be read unto my experiences as it is.

Identity Theft Mystery

I had some drama recently, and not of my own making really. It left me slightly disturbed and somewhat changed in my perception of things.

It began over the course of this weekend when I noticed a familiar face over Jack'd. It was an acquaintance of mine whom was a friend of my ex's. The problem however was that the real person was based in Singapore at the present time and I messaged him about it. We were both puzzled as to what this account was about and what this would mean.

The very next day on Sunday I received a message from the doppelganger. I did not know exactly how to react, knowing it was a fake account and so I ignored the message. A couple of hours later the clone sent another text asking me why I wasn't replying whilst revealing some very intimate secret details that only me and my ex knew of. That immediately made me suspicious, could the ex be trying to contact me again? What on earth was his motives? And why impersonate a friend suddenly.

He asked me if I missed him. Truth of the matter is I did, all the time. He asked me for a meet up at a gay bar in Soho. I was curious to get to the bottom of this mystery and so I agreed and hurried along. Funnily enough he told me he was wearing a dark blue shirt and a brown leather jacket. I checked what I was wearing. Dark blue shirt and brown leather jacket. That sent a chill down my spine and I began looking around. Could this silent stalker/clone/possible ex be spying on me from a distance?

I arrived at the club. I hid in a corner and asked where he was. He mentioned he was at the entrance. I walked there and saw no sign of the ex so I repeated my query again and stepped out to the street.

All of a sudden a random middle aged white male approaches me and asks if I am "Lin Lin" (the name the clone used on Jack'd). The weight of what was going on began dawning upon me. The white male showed me his phone. The clone was messaging him asking for a meet up before using my photos.....and revealing my true name. He claimed that was his true face. It was at this point I had an odd mixture of emotions ranging from fear, anger to outright sadness.

It appeared we were all set up, and I was the butt of the joke. The clone then began using my pictures on Jack'd instead. I asked him what he wanted, why he was doing such things. His only reply:

Because you're a bad person don't you know?

I ranted, I raged at what I thought might be my ex. He just called me delusional. Finally all I could say was this:

At least I never broke your heart the way you did mine.

And thereafter stopped replying. I removed all pictures. I faded away. The only vestige on my profile being "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, karma will hurt." He removed my face. No messages came in ever since.

If it is indeed my ex, I wonder why would he do this now? If it is indeed him (and most likely based on all the facts) perhaps he's trying to make me hate him so I won't think of him any further? The last form of interaction I had with him was a small email earlier in the month wishing him a happy birthday. If this is his method to make me fuck off he's doing a very good job. I once thought a part of me would love him forever. I think that part just died. I've never been so humiliated or ill treated by anyone for the life of me.

All I can wonder is how someone whom once loved you so much, who meant so much to you and you to them can become so very cruel when everything ends. How is it that something once so beautiful and deep can morph into such pettiness and vengefulness? I may never know, but one thing I do know is that sometimes we may fall in love with the wrong person. Sometimes we may think they were the pinnacle of goodness despite all imperfections, but when the chips are down and you stand in the way of their objectives they can quickly showcase a very dark and nasty side. Such a shame, I for one would never do what he did to anyone. No one deserves this. Goodbye Dr.K, you reap what you sow. I loved you, I really did....but I just cannot anymore.

PS: Here's a scarier thought, what if the clone wasn't the ex? Who have I pissed off this time? Sigh.

Funky Buddha

Over the weekend I decided to join my colleagues for a round of straight clubbing for a change. After spending prolonged periods of time in Heaven and the gay circle this would prove to be a refreshing change and so we decided on one of the poshest avenues in Mayfair. Funky Buddha.

Now the name itself is bound to raise eyebrows but wait till you get a load of the sacrilegious den of sin we were headed to. Inside the place itself there were actually...Buddha statues around. Not sure if it was tasteless or funny but I guess it added to the ambiance of partying in a temple perhaps? Secularism gone wild hah.

I kid you not. This is a club with religious iconography.

Suffice to say, as usual partying with the posh kids they decide that having a few drinks wasn't enough. If you recall the crazy bitches I partied with the last round you can reckon what was happening next. Yes, a giant bottle of vodka worth a thousand quid (pounds). With ten of us there it would still be a hundred each and that shit burned a massive hole in my wallet. And this lads is why I don't go straight clubbing in London.

But damn was it a good experience, haven't felt this straight in ages. Went around dancing with random Hong Kong chicks after taking one too many gulps. As usual, Asian girls can't drink for shits and a number of them in our group started collapsing one after the other. Before I realised it the whole crew was mostly knocked out and I was alone in the club, half drunk myself.

And that's when I proceeded to strike random conversations with people around the club and on the streets in my dysfunctional Scouse accent. Mother would be proud. It's Mother's Day. I think I'll stick to Heaven next time. Or find different party mates at the straight clubs because damn it I don't think I can afford prolonged parties with the rich and famous here. Dad would be livid, as should I.

Blog Everyday May, Day 4: Our Finest Hour

Day 4, Saturday: Favorite quote (from a person, from a book, etc) and why you love it


People should not be afraid of their governments, governments should be afraid of their people.-V (2005)

As Malaysia heads to the polls, I wish her people all the best for a smooth election. I wish to see the people vindicated by their choice, to see the unjust brought down before the halls of justice. I wish to see a new dawn for our country free from the tyranny of fear and oppression. I wish to see an end to the extremist bigots and chauvinists whom have poisoned all that they have touched. I wish to see our country rise to its full potential to become the tiger of South East Asia, in all its glory. I wish to see a time when I no longer have to censor my politically laced opinions for fear of being cuffed and jailed. I wish above all else for those whom have suffered and died in their fight for a better tomorrow to be vindicated and their names solidified in the annals of history in a dignified fashion.

Let this be our finest hour Malaysia. Vote with you heart and soul for the heart and soul of the nation. 2008 was merely the alpha, 2013 will be the omega.

Blog Everyday May, Day 3: Discomfort

Day 3, Friday: Things that make you uncomfortable

I guess I could go into a list of things that stoke my discomfort. I reckon one in general would be ignorant people and people that deal in absolutes. I've always prided myself in my usage of ambiguous and non abrasive, pacifying, politically correct language and people that don't think before speaking or writing generally make me edgy.

Excessively religious people make me uncomfortable too as well I guess. I mean the sort that revolve their lives around their religion and forcing their dogma down everyone else's throats while telling the world they're wrong and belittling your beliefs whilst expecting to be taken seriously and respected. Such wankery I can do without.

Being lied to makes me really uncomfortable as well I'd say. Especially when it's done by someone close and dear to you and you often wonder if they think you're really that stupid and daft that you can't see through the bullshit they're crafting. It's almost an insult to your relationship as friends or lovers, if they don't want to meet say so. If they fell out of love, say so.

Then there's the creepy old men that target me in a borderline pedophilic manner. There's a classy way to tackle someone and then there's just the tactless manner in which you say hello with your not so flaccid penis. God, I wouldn't be complaining if a young fit lad did that but mate the old aren't usually the most physically appealing people now are they. Exceptions do apply of course, as always.

And I guess being shirtless in public. I'm not really apprehensive about nudity when it's time for the down and dirty but in general I'm not the biggest fan of public exhibition. It's not that I have a terrible body or anything but I'm just not that comfortable showing skin to all and sundry. Who knows, maybe once I settle on a hardcore workout regime my ego might inflate to such a point where no known shirt can hold back the wonders I may have to offer. Heaven forbid!

Those are just some that I can think off the top of my head. I guess I can take solace in the fact that they're not really unreasonable or that uncommon. Your turn.

Blog Everyday May, Day 2: The Jury System

Day 2, Thursday: Educate us on something you know alot about or are good at. Take any approach you'd like (serious and educational or funny and sarcastic)

So today I shall be a little bit academic but I shall talk about the jury system and how it would apply to the Malaysian context. Now as you may or may not know the last set of jury trials in Malaysia were held in 1993/1994 for capital punishment offences and since then they have been abolished in the Federation. What are jury trials you might be wondering?

Basically the idea behind the jury is that we are judged by our fellow peers and citizens. So 12 lay persons are summoned to court based on the electoral roll and are sworn in to be the decider of the facts of the case in criminal cases. The idea is that this would put the power of the courts in the hands of the people and be a more democratic process. The jury will only decide and listen to the facts and all legal arguments are excluded from them, with juries being called to leave the room whenever a point of law is raised by an advocate or the judge. The judge in this case has no say in whether he can declare an accused person guilty or not guilty and that power lies solely in the jury whom will vote on that matter. The judge may merely direct the proceedings and deliver the sentence and punishments based on whether guilt is established by the jury.

Now once upon a time I was a strong proponent of the jury system in Malaysia to be restored. The main issue I always felt wrong with Malaysia was how judges seemed to have far too much vested interests and always seemed to be tampered by the government of the day in Malaysia. A jury system would make it harder for a single judge to condemn defendants charged on a political basis and would allow for a stronger say within the community and Rakyat. I'm refer you to the Anwar trials as an example.

Since then, I have examined the workings of the jury system in the UK and noted some of its plus points and failings. The jury system works here in UK for a number of reasons. The first is that most citizens by and large in this country speak a unified language that is English. Contrast this with Malaysia where you have people being predominantly English, Malay, Chinese or other linguistic users which could cause problems when a case is dealt with at court. The varying levels of affinity a juror may have to a language may affect his understanding of what on earth is going on and may lead to him being unable to judge a case effectively or justly. Long story short, Malaysia is too divided on the language issue.

Secondly, generally for the most part most citizens in the UK have adopted a predominantly Western secular culture. The issue then arises where Malaysia is incredibly diverse in its cultural norms and is especially divided by religion. So suppose where there is a case involving sexual offences for instance, there may be a divide between what is acceptable behaviour amongst muslims and non muslims and what is deemed moral and immoral. You then have a jury that may be split on these issues, rendering an ineffective verdict.

Thirdly, the general education levels of the lay population in the UK still seem to be relatively high in comparison to Malaysia. Whilst we are rapidly having an urbanised and educated population, a good proportion of the country is still rather ignorant and quite frankly not entirely educated to an adequate and competent level. This may include a substantial population of the older generation as it stands as well. As such, I would wager that the common person may be unable to understand the issues at hand and deliver a verdict objectively or in an informed manner. I wouldn't trust my very freedom to a potentially uneducated crowd of highly emotive people.

Fourthly, I think one major issue amongst Asians especially back home is the presumption of immediate guilt as well. As soon as someone is captured by the police and put on trial, the public back home has a tendency of assuming that the accused is already in the wrong and have judged him as so. They would probably not give fair consideration to the defense case and may just presume from the start that the defendant is already guilty and vote based on that.

And there we have it, my basic reasons as to why a jury system is untenable in Malaysia. I could go on further but I'm not trying to write a thesis here. Feel free to dispute my findings at any time.

I Went to Prison

Okay so apart from the May daily blog challenge I reckon I'll interject with other topics and happenings of my life here and there. Bear with me and my disjointed continuity yes?

Yesterday I went to prison for the first time in my life. I've never been to a Malaysian prison before yet alone a British one, but here I was heading into the mouth of the damned as a volunteer to bring the law to their doorstep. Not martial law like Judge Dredd would but actual legal facts for educational purposes. This prison was located in the outskirts of London and I would have to take a train to get there. We were expected to be there by 9 am in the morning. Obviously I was starting to regret this as that would mean me getting up ridiculously early to get there punctually.

So I fumbled my way to the prison from central London after waking up late having failed to sleep properly the night before. I was tired and grouchy and about to give a lecture on knife crimes to inmates who would probably make a knife crime out of me. Arriving late (a terrible sin in Britain) I ran a mile from the station to the prison and met my co-volunteer there. Apparently she was another Chinese Malaysian but she had the thickest natural sounding British accent ever. Could have fooled me that's for sure. So we head down to the security reception.

So after stripping us of any electronic devices and liquids we might be carrying (not our clothes though thankfully, you sick bastards) they let us into the inner part of the prison escorted by a warden. Now I was a tad worried delivering a presentation to prisoners who might belittle my efforts but I reckoned it was time to grow a thick skin.

We then through multiple layers of security and high fenced gates before finally entering a workshop where multiple inmates were carving up wood blocks to make fuck knows what. I was hoping I wouldn't be next on the carving block. Everyone was staring at these two Asians prancing around the prison complex like a fancy tour. I wonder if some of the inmates imagined shagging me aggressively without consent. I think I should keep my weird mental notes to myself.

Thereafter we entered a small room with the words "CV workshop" plastered upon the doors. Apparently this was the reeducation room where prisoners were trained for release back into the working environment. We then introduced ourselves to the prisoners with the warden/educator beside us. I was a tad surprised because some of this men were actually pretty knowledgeable and decent to be honest. One of the inmates in particular, a Black British man sounded ridiculously intellectual, posh and articulate, so much so I began wondering if he was incarcerated here by accident.

As usual in a class room you have people that give a shit and people who don't but by far the most interactive inmate was the Black British man. Eventually he told us about how he'd originally been given bail for a speeding offence but had dodged bail and was eventually sentenced for 3 months in prison. That sounded rather harsh, but he was apparently a law abiding citizen and a responsible father before and was beyond pissed with his criminal record. It struck me then how blunt the criminal justice system could be and the repercussions it could cause to people's lives. It also changed my perception of prisoners in general, they weren't necessarily all the scum of the earth. Any one of us could have very accidentally ended up in a terrible situation like this man.

I'd say the over all session was a success and I was glad I had the opportunity and confidence to go through such a process. My co-volunteer turned out to be another politically connected individual and I proceeded to cement our relations in the event of it being useful in the future. UK just has way too many politically connected families and I consider myself lucky to have been at the heart of these networking opportunities. Some day, one day we'll all find our uses.