Kimchi for the Heart

Meeting him again this time around was different, of that I was sure. He'd grown on me definitely more than I'd ever imagine. I could never fully appreciate the depth of his public display of affections, and yet this time I guess I did enjoy it some what. Walking under the rain in London's Chinatown under that single umbrella had a certain magic to it. This time around I did not push him away when he held me close in public view.

Have I been in Britain too long now that I could be all affectionate with a man here and not have to worry? No, it must have been the effect he had. He was a lot taller than I remember though. Well, I've always enjoyed looking up into a man's eyes anyway. How could I complain?

He'd chosen Cloud Atlas as the movie we'd see. The movie in and of itself was magic. I never realised what I was signing up for but the movie bred a variety of emotions within me indeed. I hid my tears from him during the gay romance scene in Edinburgh though. Too much memories and too reminiscent of the times when I'd used to love with Dr.K in that ancient Scottish city. Then I smiled because I realised the world had not ended yet, and here was someone else whom I could see myself being happy with. But would I be happy for long? Every time I permitted myself that luxury the fantasy would come crashing down so fast. XC and Dr.K had both given me that brief taste of happiness once, how would this one compare?

I'm having a prestigious dining session with my colleagues and I'd chosen him to come with me. He'd be the one I'd show to my friends and peers. He'd be the one I wouldn't be ashamed of I reckon. But how did he feel of me for a change? I find myself confused still, to what extent do I occupy his thoughts, heart and mind? We've got a musical booked up soon, Wicked. I'd wanted to watch it since forever too. Funny, all the things I thought I'd do in London with the ex will now be fulfilled with him. Is he a replacement? No, no he's definitely gone beyond that threshold.

I certainly hope I won't break down and cry when he leaves this city for good. I can imagine potentially how empty London will feel once he's gone. So if we do love, I reckon it'd be temporal, brief and passionate, and those would probably be the ones that stick with us forever. The remnants we most treasure. Maybe some day I'd see him again in Seoul or Singapore or Kuala Lumpur, wherever destiny takes us. It led me back to him after all, twice now. Fate is funny that way.